Author: Joe Dillon, Divorce Mediator

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Divorce represents one of life’s most challenging transitions, but proper preparation can make the process more manageable and peaceful. Drawing from the wisdom of experienced divorce mediators, divorce coaches, family law attorneys, therapists, and other professionals, we’ve put together this comprehensive guide, sharing divorce advice from 54 experts (including ourselves!) to help you navigate the complex journey ahead.

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Essential steps for a peaceful divorce process

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Cheryl Dillon, CPC, Divorce Coach and Co-Founder of Equitable Mediation Services, emphasizes that choosing the right approach from the beginning is crucial. “When it comes to a divorce strategy, you’ve got plenty of choices,” she explains. “You can litigate and battle it out in court, try to do it yourself if you have a simple case, collaborate with multiple professionals, or mediate your divorce. Take the time up front to do your homework and research all of the available options. Then, choose the one that’s most likely to keep your divorce as peaceful as possible.”

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Critical financial considerations

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Joe Dillon, MBA, Divorce Mediator and Founder of Equitable Mediation Services, offers valuable insight into the financial reality of divorce: “Many people think divorce is a legal matter. And to a certain extent, it is. After all, a divorce must be filed with the courts in order for it to be granted. But when you really take a closer look at what exactly happens in a divorce, you’ll learn that divorce is less about the law and more about negotiation and money (and parenting, if you have children).”

He emphasizes six key financial considerations to address before beginning the divorce process:

1. Current financial stability: “There’s a common misconception that divorce creates income,” Joe notes. “But in reality, all it does is create expense. When you separate your lives, you’ll now have two of everything – two housing payments, two sets of utility bills, two health insurance policies, etc.”
2. Housing decisions: Consider carefully whether keeping the family home makes financial sense. Beyond the mortgage and utilities, factor in maintenance costs, potential repairs, and long-term sustainability.
3. Employment stability: Assess both spouses’ job security, as this directly impacts support payments and financial planning. As Joe points out, “You can’t get child support or alimony from an unemployed ex-husband (or wife).”
4. Post-divorce living expenses: Research and calculate anticipated living costs after divorce. Many are surprised to discover that support payments may not fully cover all expenses.
5. Divorce process costs: Choose your divorce process wisely, as it significantly impacts overall costs. Mediation typically costs far less than litigation.
6. Long-term financial planning: Consider both immediate and future financial needs, including inflation and changing children’s expenses over time.

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Taking control of the process

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Cheryl Dillon emphasizes the importance of active participation: “Don’t be a passive observer of your own divorce – this is your divorce so take control of the process. Listen to your chosen divorce professional, but be prepared to make your own decisions.” She recommends several key steps:

• Get organized: Begin gathering essential documents, including:
  • – Recent federal and state tax returns
    – W2s and pay stubs
    – Bank account statements
    – Brokerage account statements
    – Credit card statements
    – Insurance policies
    – Retirement and investment accounts
    – Mortgage statements
    – Car loan statements
    – Other marital assets documentation
• Create a budget: Develop both current and projected post-divorce budgets to understand changing financial needs.
• Maintain integrity: “No matter how angry or betrayed you might feel,” Cheryl advises, “do not let your spouse get the best of you and take you out of your integrity. Stay off social media and resist venting details of your divorce to anyone who will listen.”
• Focus on the big picture: “The decisions you’ll need to make during the divorce process will affect you and your children for years to come,” Cheryl notes, “so don’t get bogged down in fighting over semantics or trying to be right.”

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Understanding the financial reality of divorce

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The financial implications of divorce extend far beyond the initial separation. Let’s explore these considerations in detail.

The true cost of separate lives

One of the most significant financial challenges in divorce comes from duplicating expenses. When a household splits, you’ll need more money to maintain two separate homes, which means:

• Two housing payments (rent or mortgage)
• Separate utility bills for each residence
• Individual insurance policies
• Separate household supplies and furnishings
• Individual cell phone plans and other services

Additionally, you’ll lose the financial benefits of combined households, such as:

• Multi-car insurance discounts
• Family plan savings on services
• Shared subscriptions and memberships
• Bulk shopping advantages
• Shared utility costs

Evaluating housing decisions

The family home often becomes a focal point of divorce negotiations, but careful consideration beyond emotional attachments is essential. When deciding whether to keep the house, consider:

Immediate costs:

• Monthly mortgage payments
• Property taxes
• Utility bills
• Regular maintenance

Long-term expenses:

• Roof replacement ($10,000 – $30,000)
• HVAC system updates ($2,000 – $10,000)
• Major appliance replacements
• Ongoing landscaping and maintenance
• Emergency repairs

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Understanding the emotional landscape

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Taking time to process

As divorce coach Mandy Walker emphasizes, “Take your time. This applies to many aspects of getting divorced, from making the decision to divorce to all the logistical aspects of separating from your spouse to the whole legal separation process itself.” Most situations don’t require immediate action, so beware of arbitrary deadlines that create unnecessary pressure.

Dr. Bridget Tremblay, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, notes that “there’s inevitably a level of emotion and grief with going through a divorce, even if you are the one filing or requesting for one.” She recommends seeking professional help to process these emotions effectively.

Managing your emotional well-being

Licensed Clinical Social Worker Susan Mason stresses the importance of learning to manage your feelings: “Divorce can be an emotional roller coaster, with lots of feelings coming up that may overwhelm you.” Finding emotional support through good friends,, therapists, or support groups is crucial for maintaining stability during this transition.

Winifred M. Reilly, MS, MFT, adds valuable insight about accepting the reality of divorce: “Maybe you initiated the divorce after years of marriage work, difficulty and disappointment. Maybe the divorce wasn’t your idea in the first place and, like it or not, here you are. Either way, most people come to divorce with some regrets about their own actions.”

Setting intentions for the process

Kate Engler, AMFT, recommends writing a mission statement: “Take time to reflect on your goals for the divorce, yourself, and your life. Think about your ideal self, your vision for co-parenting and legal custody (if applicable), how you want to handle disputes and resentments, and creating opportunities for self-forgiveness during setbacks.”

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Protecting children during divorce

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Creating a united front

Child psychologist Nancy Samalin provides essential guidance: “Never bad-mouth the other parent in any way. When one parent says anything negative about their ex-spouse in front of their child, that child is being put in an impossible position.”

Gillian A. Brady emphasizes three key points:

• Don’t let emotions about one another affect decisions regarding the children
• Recognize and respect the wide range of emotions your child has regarding the divorce
• Treat your children as children, not as adults

Supporting children’s emotional needs

Claudia Rosen, LCSW, advises: “Children don’t always talk directly about how they feel about the divorce. So listen carefully to their expressions of frustration, anger and sadness about whatever it is they can talk about. They may express more negative feelings about school, friends or life in general.”

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Building your support system

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Professional support network

A comprehensive support team might include:

• An experienced divorce mediator or family law attorney
• A financial advisor
• A therapist or counselor
• A support group
• A divorce coach

David Klow, LMFT, emphasizes the importance of staying connected: “During a divorce, people often feel the foundation of their life change in dramatic ways. Everything that they once knew is no longer there.”

Personal support system

Monica Garbisch, Divorce Coach, advises: “Seek out support that feels positive and even uplifting when you are talking or spending time with that person. It may be someone who is a good listener but doesn’t give advice, or it may be someone who has a similar interest that will help you stay positive and get through this period.”

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Practical aspects of divorce preparation

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Creating structure during transition

L.L., a former divorce mediation client, emphasizes the importance of establishing routines: “We are all creatures of habit. Routine and repetition is a good way to create a sense of safety. Even if the bigger stuff seems hard to pin down at this point, find smaller tasks, rituals, events in the day to create a routine around.”

Documentation and journaling

L.L. also recommends keeping a journal throughout the process: “You are going to make some critical decisions that will have a significant impact on your life. You need a clear head. Some days you may write three words like: ‘I HATE THIS!’ Others, you may find pages and pages inking out before you. Either way, it is a way to release, validate and purge every and all the things you are feeling.”

Managing communication

Jessica Rothman Miro, LMFT, emphasizes structured communication: “If there are times set up to communicate, and these times are segmented between logistics and emotions, you can feel as though things are still moving forward while still having room for the roller coaster of emotions you may face.”

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Understanding relationship dynamics

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Recognizing patterns

Dr. Denise Wade, Ph.D., CMRC, provides insight into relationship patterns: “Men and women learn how to love and be loved by watching their parents. So you learned about love long before you met your partner and this unconsciously influenced your relationship. Patterns of attachment, attraction, avoidance, and control were conditioned into you by age six.”

Managing expectations

Jackie Printon, LCSW, offers valuable advice about expectations: “Don’t expect your spouse to change. The traits that have frustrated you in your marriage will likely remain during the divorce. Whether your spouse is passive and unable to make good decisions, controlling and argumentative or distant and uncommunicative, these traits may well be evident during mediation as well.”

Maintaining perspective

Greg Rizzolo, MA, LCPC, provides insight about emotional perception: “Don’t assume that, if your partner isn’t suffering or hurting visibly, or in the way that you are, that he or she isn’t feeling the loss. People register intense pain differently and often unconsciously.”

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Self-care and personal growth

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Physical and mental health

Denise K. Netko, LMFT, emphasizes comprehensive self-care: “Trying to maintain healthy eating, sleep and exercise will help your mind and body cope with the overall stress. Additionally, incorporating activities such as meditation and yoga can help explore and increase the mind-body connection.”

Professional support

Jennifer Filicky Hull, LCPC, advocates for therapeutic support: “Many people think couples counseling is only for people who are trying to repair their marriage. Couples counseling can also be a safe space to begin to discuss the divorce process. Working with a skilled therapist can allow each party to feel heard and respected.”

Finding balance

Anviksha Kalscheur, LMFT, discusses emotional processing: “Just because we feel pain or anger does not mean we need to act or react in accordance with it. It can be helpful to create a consistent time and space regularly where each spouse and also the children together or separately can just ‘be’ with whatever emotions and feelings they are having.”

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Planning for post-divorce life

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Career and financial independence

Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW, advises on preparation: “Get your life lined up BEFORE you divorce. This may mean going back to school now, getting a job lined up now, getting credit cards in your name now or pre-qualifying for a house now, BEFORE you split.”

Rebuilding identity

Monica Garbisch provides perspective on personal identity: “One last thing to remember, just like graduation, marriage, a child being born or any other event, divorce is not your life but a chapter of your life story.”

Setting new goals

Dana Hirt emphasizes forward momentum: “The past, however challenging or disappointing, is the PAST. Focus on the future and your desire to have a peaceful divorce, to protect your minor children, and to be able to look in the mirror at the end of each day and know you have comported yourself with dignity and grace through this difficult time.”

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Navigating the legal process

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Understanding your options

William Geary, an experienced divorce lawyer and mediator, explains: “Consider not doing a divorce, per se, but doing a dissolution of marriage. Divorces concern issues upon which parties cannot agree. If the parties can agree, they can do a dissolution of marriage which is much faster to complete and much, much, less expensive.”

Working with professionals

Amanda M. Jarratt emphasizes cooperation in financial matters: “The pie to be divided is limited. During a divorce, you will meet a number of pie-loving professionals. Be careful to save some pie for the people who baked it: you and your soon to be former spouse.”

Maintaining perspective

Carolyn Bone advises: “Divorce is almost always an emotionally difficult process, but at its heart, what you are really doing – as a client or an attorney – is problem solving. As much as possible, try to focus on solving problems in a workable, sustainable way that you can live with, rather than focusing on who is ‘right’ or ‘wrong.’”

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Common mistakes to avoid during divorce

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Understanding common pitfalls can help you navigate your divorce more successfully. Our experts highlight several crucial mistakes to avoid during this challenging transition.

Rushing the process

Morghan Richardson, Esq., warns against moving too quickly: “Most people are uncomfortable with conflict. But you cannot afford to ‘ghost’ out of a marriage when you have kids and property to divide. If you haven’t told your spouse you are unhappy, the news of a divorce will be even more devastating to them.” She recommends having several conversations about your unhappiness before proceeding with legal action.

Making emotional financial decisions

Elizabeth Esrey emphasizes financial prudence: “Don’t let yourself lose control of the finances behind the process for the sake of ‘getting even’ or ‘making him/her pay’. I’ve worked with too many parties who got what they wanted in their attorney-driven divorce and couldn’t afford it.”

Neglecting documentation

Jackie Pilossoph shares a crucial insight from her own experience: “One mistake I made during my divorce was, I trusted my attorney and didn’t really understand what I was signing. I didn’t realize that I had the option of actually reading all of the documents word for word and really understanding the deals I was making.” She emphasizes the importance of understanding every document you sign.

Involving children in conflict

Arthur Nielsen, MD, emphasizes a critical point about children: “Keep in mind the wisdom that (with only a few, dire exceptions), you should not criticize your ex-spouse in front of your children. Research actually shows that doing so will cause more distance from YOU. Kids don’t want to be in the middle and shouldn’t have to be.”

Mishandling social media

Virginia L. Colin, Ph.D., offers straightforward advice: “Do not post anything that you would not want your ex, the judge, your mom, or your kids to see. Maybe stay off social media until the divorce is final.” This guidance can prevent unnecessary complications and emotional escalation.

Refusing to consider mediation

Mark B. Baer, Esq., points out a common misconception: “Don’t assume that your divorce case cannot be handled through mediation or collaborative divorce process because the two of you aren’t amicable and have trust issues. Well-trained mediators and collaborative divorce practitioners have acquired skills to de-escalate conflicts and rebuild trust.”

Letting others drive your decisions

Denise Wade, Ph.D., warns about external influences: “During this transition, family members and friends you have depended upon for unconditional support may challenge your choices, criticize your judgment about an ex, or judge your daily decision making abilities about your children. Don’t allow others’ fears, insecurities, and resentment cause you to doubt yourself.”

Ignoring self-care

John Knoerzer, LCSW, emphasizes the importance of emotional management: “Emotions can run high during a divorce, so it is important to make time for self-care activities to manage your emotions. By articulating your core needs, you can help keep a difficult process from getting overwhelming.”

Making assumptions about your spouse

Moné Ardura and Danny Burk share a valuable perspective: “You have to play the cards YOU dealt yourself when you decided to marry the person you are now divorcing!” They emphasize understanding your spouse’s conflict style and adjusting your expectations accordingly rather than expecting dramatic changes during divorce.

Failing to plan long-term

Susan Pease Gadoua, LCSW, points out: “People can actually plan their divorce rather than make a split decision and have the chips fall where they may.” She advocates for thoughtful preparation and consideration of long-term implications rather than reactive decision-making.

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Looking toward the future

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Personal growth and recovery

Cori Dixon-Fyle, LCSW, suggests reframing the divorce narrative: “Divorce does not have to be stigmatized as a ‘failure’. Instead, divorce can often be reframed and seen as a success and a new transition to a healthier and happier life for the two of you.”

Karen Starr, LCPC, reminds us that “recovery from divorce is often an ongoing process. Most people continue to work through various stages of this very difficult journey even five years on. Nevertheless, it can be viewed as a time of hope.”

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Conclusion

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Preparing for divorce requires careful attention to emotional, legal, and practical considerations. By following the guidance of these experienced professionals and maintaining focus on creating a peaceful process, you can navigate this challenging transition more effectively. Remember that this is not just an ending but also the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

Whether you choose to work with a divorce attorney, pursue mediation, or explore other options, the key is to remain focused on your long-term well-being and, if you have children, their best interests. With proper preparation and support, you can move through this process with dignity and emerge stronger on the other side.

As Jennifer Howe, LCSW, wisely notes: “Do everything in your power to cultivate genuine respect and compassion for your partner, no matter how impossible that seems. There is a higher ground and it does provide more authentic rewards in the long run.”

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Lay the groundwork for a peaceful divorce

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When you think about how to financially prepare for divorce, what comes to mind?

Thinking about how much child support or alimony you’ll have to pay or should ask for? Or gathering up copies of your tax returns, bank statements, and spouses pay stubs?

While taking these steps are certainly helpful, there are a whole host of other things you can (and should) do to financially prepare for a divorce.

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1. Gather financial documents and records

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When it comes to preparing for a divorce, one of the most critical steps is to gather documentation your financial documents and records. Think of it as creating a financial snapshot of your financial life together.

Having a clear picture of your financial situation will empower you to make informed decisions during the whole divorce planning process.

Start by collecting these essential documents:

• Bank statements and account information: This includes checking and savings account statements.
• Credit card statements and account information: Gather statements for all credit cards.
• Credit reports from all three major credit bureaus: This will give you a comprehensive view of your credit history.
• Retirement account statements: Such as 401(k) or IRAs.
• Investment account statements: Any stocks, bonds, or other investments.
• Tax returns and W-2 forms: At least the last three years.
• Pay stubs and employment information: Your most recent pay stubs.
• Other debt information: Including personal loans, and mortgages.

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2. Create budgets to assess your current financial situation and plan your financial future

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Creating a budget is like drawing a roadmap for your financial journey through and beyond divorce. It’s an essential step to assess your own finances, current financial situation and plan for your financial future.

A well-thought-out budget will help you understand your income and expenses, identify areas where you can cut back, and set realistic financial goals.

Here’s how to get started assessing your situation:

• Identify your income and expenses: List all sources of income and categorize your expenses.
• Categorize your expenses into needs and wants: This will help you prioritize and make necessary adjustments.
• Set financial goals: Whether it’s saving for a down payment on a new home or paying off debt, having clear goals is key.
• Create a plan to achieve your financial goals: Outline steps to reach your goals, such as cutting discretionary spending or increasing your earnings.
• Review and adjust regularly: Life changes, and so should your budget. Regular reviews will keep you on track.

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3. Use your budgets to negotiate child support and alimony

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Many divorcing couples assume that child support and alimony are set in stone by state guidelines and divorce laws, but the reality is far more nuanced.

While states do provide guidelines for child support and, in some cases, alimony, they may not meet your unique needs. The key to securing support that truly meets your needs lies in effective negotiation.

With a detailed budget, you can clearly demonstrate to your soon-to-be ex-spouse the true cost of living for you and your children post-divorce.

This transparency can facilitate more amicable negotiations on support payments, ensuring your family’s well-being rather than merely accepting the default numbers from a state calculator.

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4. Create a balance sheet detailing all property and debts

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Just as budgets can help you understand what your past year current marital spending looks like, a balance sheet can help you understand what your current marital financial assets and debts look like.

So, why is preparing a balance sheet a critical step in preparing financially for a divorce?

First, the balance sheet will serve as the foundation of your property division negotiations in your divorce proceedings. Allowing you to see everything you and your spouse own, and everything you owe – aka your joint assets and liabilities – all in one place.

And second, by preparing a complete list of your marital assets and liabilities, and their respective values upfront, you can begin to form your negotiation strategy before you enter the divorce legal process.

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5. Establish individual financial accounts and credit

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As you prepare for divorce, establishing individual financial accounts and credit is a crucial step towards financial independence. In my experience as a mediator, it’s one of the biggest financial issues a stay-at-home-parent faces.

Here are some steps to gain financial independence:

• Opening individual bank accounts: Start with checking and savings accounts in your name.
• Applying for individual credit cards and other credit accounts: This will help you build your credit history.
• Building individual credit: Make on-time payments and keep your credit utilization low to improve your credit score.
• Monitoring your credit report and score: Regularly check your credit reports to ensure accuracy and identify areas for improvement.

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6. Decide if you can (or want to) stay in the marital home once your divorce is final

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If you own a home, and you’d like to stay there, keep that in mind as you prepare financially for divorce.

Understand not only the costs associated with your monthly mortgage payment and taxes, but also the cost of necessary maintenance like landscaping, snow removal, gutter cleaning, etc. required to keep many aspects of the home in good working order. And whether you’ll be able to maintain an emergency fund for when things go invariably wrong.

Doing so upfront will allow you to give thought to your divorce planning and negotiation strategy as you enter the divorce process, and what financial moves you’re willing to make, or will need to do, in exchange for keeping the house.

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7. Consider credit counseling and pull your credit report

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When applying for a mortgage, having a strong credit score is crucial for securing a favorable interest rate. Many individuals overlook the importance of maintaining a good score, but as you prepare for divorce, it’s essential to understand where you currently stand and take steps to improve.

In a lot of marriages, despite having joint finances, one spouse is the primary account holder for credit cards, mortgages, and other debts. This can result in that spouse having a well-established history, supported by timely payments and longstanding accounts. If you’re the spouse without this history, financial institutions may view you as a higher risk, making it challenging to secure loans in your own name.

To address this, consider opening accounts in your own name and regularly monitor your credit reports from the Annual Credit Report website to ensure accuracy. This proactive approach will help you establish a solid credit history for when you apply for additional credit accounts or mortgages in the future.

You can also consider scheduling time with a counselor to see what steps you can take to improve your individual credit score. Doing so now will help when it comes time to open new credit cards or apply for a mortgage if you decide you want to keep the house.

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8. Evaluate Social Security benefits

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If you’re divorcing later in life- often referred to as a “gray divorce“- it’s important to evaluate how your divorce might affect your Social Security benefits. By applying using your soon-to-be-ex’s financial records, you may be eligible for a higher benefit amount than if you applied using your own records.

To maximize your benefits, consider the following steps:

1. Research and Understand Eligibility: Familiarize yourself with the eligibility criteria for claiming Social Security benefits based on your ex-spouse’s earnings. Typically, you must have been married for at least 10 years and be currently unmarried to qualify.
2. Calculate Your Potential Benefits: Get your social security benefit statement to see how much you qualify to receive. Then use tools available on the Social Security Administration’s website to compare your benefits under both your own and your ex-spouse’s earnings. This will help you make an informed decision about which option is more advantageous.
3. Consider Timing: The age at which you begin claiming benefits can affect the amount you receive. Delaying your claim until you reach full retirement age (or beyond) can result in higher monthly payments.
4. Consult a Financial Advisor: Given the complexities of Social Security benefits and divorce, consulting a financial advisor or a certified divorce financial analyst can provide personalized guidance. They can help you navigate the intricacies of the system and develop a strategy to optimize your benefits.

By taking these steps, you can better prepare for your financial future post-divorce and ensure that you are making the most of joint assets and the benefits available to you.

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9. Find a (better) job

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When planning for divorce financially, understand that two households are more expensive to run than one. So, expect your post-divorce cost of living to go up. And with it, the likely need for you to generate more money than you currently do.

Beyond the immediate need for increased income, consider the long-term financial implications of divorce. Things like having to share in the cost of your children’s extracurricular activities, or contribute to their college tuition. This period of transition can be an opportunity to reassess your career goals and explore new job opportunities that align better with your financial future.

Additionally, it’s important to factor in potential changes in your work-life balance, especially if you have custody of children. Balancing a new job with family responsibilities may require adjustments, so plan accordingly to ensure stability for you and your children.

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10. Get a (new) financial advisor to help with divorce planning and future financial decisions

[/fusion_title][fusion_imageframe image_id=”2290|full” aspect_ratio=”” custom_aspect_ratio=”100″ aspect_ratio_position=”” skip_lazy_load=”” lightbox=”no” gallery_id=”” lightbox_image=”” lightbox_image_id=”” alt=”” link=”” linktarget=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” max_width=”” sticky_max_width=”” align_medium=”none” align_small=”none” align=”none” mask=”” custom_mask=”” mask_size=”” mask_custom_size=”” mask_position=”” mask_custom_position=”” mask_repeat=”” style_type=”” blur=”” stylecolor=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” hover_type=”none” magnify_full_img=”” magnify_duration=”120″ scroll_height=”100″ scroll_speed=”1″ margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” bordersize=”” bordercolor=”” borderradius=”” z_index=”” caption_style=”off” caption_align_medium=”none” caption_align_small=”none” caption_align=”none” caption_title=”” caption_text=”” caption_title_tag=”2″ fusion_font_family_caption_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_caption_title_font=”” caption_title_size=”” caption_title_line_height=”” caption_title_letter_spacing=”” caption_title_transform=”” caption_title_color=”” caption_background_color=”” fusion_font_family_caption_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_caption_text_font=”” caption_text_size=”” caption_text_line_height=”” caption_text_letter_spacing=”” caption_text_transform=”” caption_text_color=”” caption_border_color=”” caption_overlay_color=”” caption_margin_top=”” caption_margin_right=”” caption_margin_bottom=”” caption_margin_left=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″]https://equitablemediation.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/financial-professional-can-help-you-prepare-for-divorce-Equitable-Mediation.webp[/fusion_imageframe][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”40px” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

If you find yourself without a financial advisor, you’re not alone. Even if you do have one, it’s common for them to work more closely with one spouse, often leaving the other without personalized guidance.

If your advisor primarily assists your soon-to-be ex-spouse, it might be time to seek a new professional who can focus on your needs and well being more. Engaging a new, financial planner or advisor is a critical step in divorce financial planning and making informed future financial decisions.

You might wonder, “Why do I need one if I’m not a millionaire?” The truth is, no matter how much money you’ve got, a skilled money manager can be invaluable during a marriage or divorce.

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Financial planning can take many forms including:

• Analyzing your household income and expenses to effectively plan for child and spousal support.
• Compiling a comprehensive financial overview, including all bank and credit card accounts, investments, 401(k) and IRAs, real estate, mortgages, and even unique assets like collectibles and antiques.
• Clarifying any financial intricacies, especially if your spouse has complex compensation such as stock options or restricted stock units (RSUs).
• Creating a thorough financial plan to determine the necessary portions of retirement and non-retirement accounts to secure your financial future.

For those already retired, they can provide estate plan and investment strategies and advice to help you minimize capital gains and maximize discretionary income in light of your divorce settlement. The true value of a top financial planner or advisor lies in their role as a neutral, steady partner. Much like a calm voice during stock market fluctuations, they help prevent hasty decisions that might lead to future regret when circumstances change.

Reach out to friends and family for referrals and if no one comes to mind, check out the National Association of Professional Financial Advisors website to find someone in your area. Also, having a financial adviser who partners with a tax professional can help you understand any tax implications of receiving any joint assets in your divorce settlement.

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Key takeaways

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Navigating the financial aspects of a divorce can be a challenging journey, but with careful planning and informed decision-making, you can secure a stable financial future.

• Start by gathering all necessary financial documents
• Create a comprehensive budget and use it to effectively negotiate child support and alimony.
• Prepare a detailed balance sheet to understand your marital assets and debts.
• Start building your credit to gain financial independence and explore credit counseling to enhance your financial standing.
• Consider the implications of staying in your marital home.
• Evaluate your Social Security benefits.
• If needed, seek better employment opportunities to support your new lifestyle.
• Finally, enlist the guidance of a financial advisor or other professionals to provide insights and strategies for managing your household finances during and after the divorce process.

Remember, while the road ahead may seem daunting, and the steps may seem time consuming, taking these proactive steps will empower you to embrace your new life with confidence and security.

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Lay the groundwork for a peaceful divorce

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Preparing for divorce as a woman can seem like an impossible task. Especially if you weren’t the one managing the household finances. But I can tell you from my experience as a divorce mediator working with countless women just like you, taking these steps to get your personal finances ready, ensure your emotional and physical well-being, and minimize the impact of your divorce on your children’s lives, can make a significant difference in your health, your future happiness, and the outcome of your divorce.

I know at first it may seem like a lot. And I’m not going to lie – it is. But you don’t have to do it all at once. And you don’t have to do it alone. Mediators and coaches like us are here to support you every step of the way. And if you’re not quite ready to reach out, check out our self-study divorce planning resources.

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Financial divorce preparation tips for women

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Make copies of all important financial documents

Like the old saying goes: knowledge is power. And much of the knowledge required to effectively negotiate your divorce, can be gained by reviewing the documents I outline below. To start your education and prepare yourself to be a more effective advocate for yourself, gather copies of all important documents and financial records involving:

• Income – such as tax returns, W-2’s, and paystubs;
• Expenses – such as utility bills and mortgage statements;
• Assets – such as bank statements, investment account statements, 401(k) statements and/or other retirement accounts such as pensions and IRAs;
• Liabilities – such as credit card statements and mortgage statements;
• Estate Planning – such as wills and/or trusts, or life insurance policies.

When gathering documents, I recommend you do a “multi period lookback.” Meaning – don’t just gather one year of tax returns, gather three. Or don’t just gather one month of credit card statements, gather six. Doing so will allow you to look at an average, rather than just a single time period.

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Review your credit reports

As you prepare for divorce as a woman, if in the future you want to apply for a mortgage or want to get new credit cards only in your name, your credit history will need to be as clean as possible. Reviewing your credit reports for accuracy is an important exercise for women planning for divorce – especially when joint credit cards are involved.

Why is that? Because if your soon to be ex uses a joint credit card once your divorce is final, and doesn’t pay the balance, guess what? The bank will come calling on you, looking for repayment. So make sure those joint cards are closed the minute the ink dries on your divorce papers.

Visit the Annual Credit Report website to download free personalized reports from all three credit agencies. Make sure that you recognize all open credit titled in your name. And that any accounts that should be closed, are, in fact, closed.

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Open a new checking and savings account

As part of establishing your financial independence, it’s a good idea to open new checking and savings accounts – in your name only. You don’t need to start putting money into these separate bank accounts, or use them right away, but there will come a time once your divorce is over that you’ll need a place to deposit your share of the funds contained in any joint accounts, that you received in your divorce settlement.

And if you do see the potential for your divorce to take an unfortunate turn, you can use these accounts to establish an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses. Even if it means you need to borrow money from family or your 401(k).

While big banks certainly have their advantages, I’m a fan of credit unions. I find they’re not only more cost-effective, but typically offer more personalized service. See if there’s a credit union near you that you qualify to join, and open an account there.

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Open new credit cards in your name only

Just like with checking and savings accounts, it’s wise to open new credit card(s) exclusively in your name. But do not use the credit cards until your divorce is final unless you and your spouse have explicitly agreed that’s OK. Because if you do without permission, you’ll need to pay for any items you put on your new credit card from your own separate funds. And if you use marital funds to pay them, it can be seen by your spouse as a breach of trust. And send your divorce in a not-so-great direction.

When applying for a credit card, there is nothing wrong with reporting your total household income. Doing so increases the chances you’ll be granted a higher credit limit than if you simply reported your individual income (which, if you’re not currently working, may be $0).

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Investigate insurance coverage

Medical

After your divorce is finalized, you’ll likely lose access to health insurance provided by your spouse’s plan. So it will be necessary to secure new coverage for yourself. Health insurance can be quite expensive, so you’ll want to know these costs in advance so you can include them on your budget, and in your alimony negotiations, if applicable.

Options to consider:

1. Employer-provided insurance (if available)
2. Individual plans through the Health Insurance Marketplace

Explore the marketplace.

Divorce is a qualifying life event, enabling you to enroll in new coverage outside a plan’s standard open enrollment period. This means you can obtain coverage immediately after your divorce, regardless of the time of year.

Automobile

You’ll also want to reach out to your automobile insurance provider to get rates and/or apply for your own coverage. Many women are surprised to find out that just because they had a family plan with their spouse, they may not automatically qualify to remain with their current insurance carrier. And even if they can, their rate may be much higher than it was when part of the family plan.

Shop for insurance early on in the divorce process! You’d be surprised at how long it might take to obtain rates, apply for coverage, and decide what provider to go with.

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Review your Social Security benefits statement

If you worked inside the home for the majority of your marriage, chance are your social security benefits will be far lower than that of your ex spouse. But did you know that divorced women who’ve been married 10 years, and meet certain conditions at the time of their retirement, may be eligible to collect benefits higher than what they could have collected on your own?

Head on over to the Social Security website and learn if you’re eligible to claim this benefit.

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Review your prenuptial agreement

While not everyone has one, the contents of your prenup can play a significant role in crafting your divorce settlement agreement. Certainly, if you and your soon to be ex spouse are agreeable, you can choose which parts you want to adhere by, if any. But if you think your spouse is going to and enforce your prenup as-is, focus your time and attention on items that may either not be covered, or where you believe there is room for negotiation.

Consider speaking with an attorney regarding the legal aspects of your prenup and how enforceable it is, before you begin your divorce as not all prenups are created equally.

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Tactical divorce preparation tips for women

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Stay organized throughout your divorce proceedings

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, there is a lot of paperwork in a divorce. I’m even surprised at just how much there is and I work with divorcing couples professionally! So my advice to you is to develop a system to stay organized so you can keep things under control and (try and) maintain your sanity.

If you’re a pad and paper kind of person, get yourself a three-ring binder or Penda flex file folder to keep copies of all the notes you’ll be taking, or documents you’ll be gathering. And label each section or pocket with tabs.

Or, if you’re a digital person, create a file structure on a computer or tablet you alone have access to (or in the cloud if you want added security,) so you can scan, and easily find copies of the documents you’ll need as you move through the divorce process.

When scanning documents, take time to name each file so you can more easily find what you’re looking for in the future. It also helps your mediator or attorney know what it is they’re looking at. Remember – most divorce professionals change by the hour so the more time they have to spend figuring out what you sent, the higher your bill will be.

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Open a post office box

It can be difficult to get confidential mail delivered to your house if your spouse doesn’t yet know you want a divorce. So post office boxes can be an easy, and inexpensive way to keep your private mail private. Especially if you plan on following my next two tips.

While there are lots of places out there offering PO Boxes such as UPS stores, or Postal Annexes, I’ve found the US Post Office to be more cost effective than the for-profit providers. Every town in America (as far as I know) has a post office so accessing your mail won’t become a hassle.

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Begin the search for family law divorce professionals

Preparing for and going through a divorce as a woman involves several crucial steps, but selecting the right divorce professional is arguably the most critical decision you’ll make. The professional and method you choose will significantly influence the outcome of your divorce.

Before beginning your search, it’s essential to understand the available divorce options. Perhaps you and your spouse are amicable, making divorce mediation an excellent option. Or if not, perhaps you’ll need legal representation and choose to hire a divorce lawyer. Your choice among these options will determine the type of divorce professional you’ll need to engage.

Learn about the 5 divorce options: The 5 Divorce Options and How to Choose the One Right for You.

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Take an inventory of all personal property

During divorce proceedings, some spouses may attempt to hide or sell their partner’s personal belongings, wrongly claiming ownership of assets considered marital property based on having paid for the items. Sadly this very thing happened to my cousin. Let me be clear: paying for an item doesn’t grant someone the right to take, steal, or dispose of it during a divorce!

To protect yourself:

1. Create a video inventory of your personal property with a witness present.
2. Include valuable items such as jewelry, electronics, and family heirlooms.
3. Upload the video to a cloud-based service to establish a date and time stamp.
4. If possible, create a document detailing each item’s value or replacement cost.

This precaution provides evidence of ownership of separate property, and can be invaluable if disputes arise over personal property during the divorce process.

Recruit a friend or family member to assist. Having someone to corroborate your efforts can come in handy if you were ever to find yourself litigating.

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Create and/or update your resume

Maybe you’re already working outside the home and have a job you like. Or you’re working inside the home and haven’t given much thought about returning to the workforce. Either way, it’s a good idea to update your resume. Or create one if you don’t currently have one.

Many community colleges offer resume and cover letter writing workshops for a very reasonable price. So check out your local community college if there’s one in your area. You might also consider working with a career coach who may offer resume writing services. In my experience, establishing financial independence is one of the best things you can do.

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Well-being preparation tips for women

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Have a plan for your mental health

Far too many women navigating divorce enter the process without a plan for their mental well-being. Underestimating the emotional toll their divorce will take on them and their family. So before things get underway, get your support system in place. Let only a few close friends and family members know what’s going on, and let them know you’ll be needing their support and understanding in the coming months. People love to help, and having the support of those who care about you, can help you get through the dark days that are certain to come.

Keep the circle small. Having the support of a tight group of friends and family is great. But having to be constantly discussing your divorce with literally everyone you know can be exhausting.

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Have a plan for your physical health

Everyone knows how important exercise is. But while going through legal proceedings, not everyone can stick to the schedule of hitting the gym 3x a week without a little help. One way to do that is with a fitness tracker. Fitbits and other devices can prompt you when it’s time to move, track how many times you worked out, and keep you motivated to do so. And if you don’t think you’ll get around to lifting those weights on your own, get an accountability partner like a friend to go to the gym with you, or hire a personal trainer to help you stick to the plan.

As a proud pet parent to a rescue dog (or 2 or 3…) I know that local animal shelters are always looking for people to walk the dogs they have on hand. What a great way to get exercise, help out a good cause, and maybe even make a new (furry) friend.

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Make important medical decisions

One of the unfortunate outcomes in a divorce is a loss of health insurance benefits for stay at home moms. And the coverage they’re able to get on their usually pales in comparison to what they had while married. So if there’s been a medical procedure or other important medical exam you’ve been putting off, take care of it now, before your coverage (possibly) goes away, or you’re forced to change providers and find yourself with less favorable coverage.

Visit the Health Insurance Marketplace to see what type of coverage you can qualify for, and what plans cost. Doing so will allow you to plan your medical decisions and build these costs into your apart budget.

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Family divorce preparation tips for women

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Think about what to do with the family home

While the decision to keep or sell the family home seems like it has everything to do with finances as it’s one if the most valuable marital assets a couple owns, the truth is, it’s really about family. Ideally the monthly expenses to keep it need to be covered by your income from employment, child support, and spousal support. But even when it doesn’t, having a persuasive argument about why it’s best for the kids to keep the home, can go a long way. Even when the numbers say otherwise.

In my experience as a mediator, the house is the #1 property division issue couples face. And one which requires the most preparation to resolve effectively. So if your intention is to remain in the home post-divorce, get started on your reasons now. Given how expensive rents are now, and the disruption to your children’s lives, it may be far more cost effective – financially and emotionally – to keep it.

Get educated and learn all about who gets the house in a divorce as the answer isn’t as clear as you might think.

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Line up emotional support for your kids

For women navigating divorce with children, their well being is your first priority. So you’ll want to have someone they can talk to. Even if that someone is not you. Maybe your therapist (if you have one) also works with children. But even if they do, your child may feel like they can’t talk to someone who is also talking to you. In that case, ask friends, family, and even teachers and counselors for recommendations. Directories like the one at Psychology Today can also be a good place to start.

Get your kids into counseling before your divorce gets underway. So that when your divorce proceedings begin, they’ll have a good emotional connection with their therapist and will be comfortable sharing their feelings.

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Key takeaways

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• Empower yourself financially by carefully gathering and organizing your important documents and financial information. Think of this as creating a comprehensive snapshot of your financial journey.
• Embrace your independence by thoughtfully establishing new bank accounts and credit cards in your name, setting the stage for your fresh start.
• Protect your financial health by closely reviewing your credit reports and addressing any potential issues with care and attention.
• Take charge of your personal well-being by proactively exploring new insurance options that will support you moving forward.
• Build your support network with intention, choosing a few trusted confidants who can provide emotional support and a positive outlook during this challenging transition.
• Safeguard your personal belongings by creating a detailed inventory, treating your possessions with the respect and care they deserve.
• Invest in your future by refreshing your professional profile and exploring exciting opportunities for personal and career growth post divorce.
• Nurture your children’s emotional wellness by providing compassionate support and professional guidance to help them navigate this family change.

Remember – your divorce doesn’t define you—it’s just one part of your journey. With courage, support, and care for yourself, you’ll find strength you never knew you had and create a beautiful new chapter in your life.

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Lay the groundwork for a peaceful divorce

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