Tag: Divorce Issues

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As a divorce mediator in Washington state, I’ve helped lots of couples just like you and your spouse navigate the complex waters of property division, and here’s what I’ve learned over the years: clients don’t know as much as they think they do!

To help you understand more about how community property works in Washington state, I’ll cover:

• Basic concepts of community property.
• How property is classified and divided.
• Special situations that need careful attention.
• Why mediation can help you achieve the best outcome.

I’ve even included some real-world mediation client snapshots that further explain the answer or concept. Oh, and don’t worry – I’ve changed the names and identifying details of the clients that appear in this post for confidentiality purposes, but the situations are all very real. Ready to dive in?

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Is Washington a community property state?

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Yes, Washington is absolutely a community property state. This means when you get married in Washington, you’re creating what the law calls a “marital community.” Think of it as forming a financial partnership where most of the property acquired during the marriage belongs equally to both partners – even if only one spouse’s name is on the paperwork.

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Understanding property classifications

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What exactly is community property?

Community property includes:

• Your income and savings from that income (including each spouse’s earnings during marriage).
• Real estate purchased during your marriage (even if only one spouse’s name is on the deed).
• Vehicles, boats, or other major purchases made during marriage.
• Retirement accounts and pension benefits earned during the marriage.
• Business or real property interests developed or acquired while married.
• Investment accounts and stock options earned during marriage.

It’s important to note that community property isn’t just about assets – it includes community debts too. Credit card debt, bills, car loans, and mortgages are typically considered shared responsibilities in Washington, regardless of whose name is on the account.

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What is separate property?

Separate property generally includes everything you owned before getting married, plus a few special categories of property you might acquire during marriage. One spouse’s separate property typically includes:

• Assets you owned before marriage.
• Inheritances received by just one spouse (even during marriage).
• Gifts given specifically to one spouse.
• Property purchased with separate funds that were carefully kept separate.
• Personal injury settlements (in most cases).
• Any community asset or debt agreed to be one party’s separate property (provided there’s a written agreement).

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What is quasi-community property?

Quasi-community property can take a few forms, such as property owned by non-married couples. But since we’re talking about community property and divorce, here’s a more applicable example of the concept.

Let’s say you and your spouse lived in Illinois (which isn’t a community property state) for ten years before moving to Washington. During those years in Illinois, your spouse’s name alone was on the title to your family home (which you continue to own as a rental property) and on their retirement accounts. In Illinois, those assets may be considered separate property had you remained living there and gotten divorced. But in Washington, those assets would have been considered community property if you had acquired them here – despite whose name is on the paperwork.

That’s where quasi-community property comes in — it allows Washington to treat those assets as if they had been acquired in Washington, giving both spouses fair consideration in their property division.

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Client Snapshots:

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    <div class="title">Developing options for unvested options</div>
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      <p>Michael Thompson (52) and Sarah Thompson (48) were married for 15 years and had no children. Michael worked as a software engineer, earning $190,000 annually. In the year of their divorce, he received substantial stock options with a 3-year vesting period. Sarah was self-employed as an interior designer, earning $70,000 annually.</p>
      <p>Sarah believed the stock options were community property since Michael received them during their marriage. However, Michael argued they were separate property, because they would vest after the divorce and had no current value.</p>
      <p>With our help they agreed to share equally in any net proceeds – should they come into the money - from any stock options Michael received during the marriage which vested. While any stock options Michael received after the divorce would remain solely his for the purposes of property division. But any income realized from future options would be counted as income for the purposes of determining maintenance paid.<p>
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        <p> <span class="head-des"> Joe Dillon</span> <span class="sep">|</span> <span class="sub-des">Divorce Mediator & Founder</span></p>
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      <p>James Wilson (42) owned a house in Bellevue for 5 years before marrying Emily Wilson (41). During their 12-year marriage, they both contributed to mortgage payments, renovations, and maintenance but never put Emily’s name on the deed.</p>
      <p>James thought because the home was titled exclusively to him, and he owned it prior to marriage, that he would retain full value of the home. But through their collective contributions, what started as James's separate property had partially "transmuted" into community property.</p>
	  <p>In mediation we helped James and Emily negotiate and agree on, a value for Emily’s contributions during their marriage. Which would ultimately become her share of their marital home in the couple’s community property division. And while the calculations are far too complex to get into here, this is where working with a mediator with a finance background can really come in handy.</p>
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        <p> <span class="head-des"> Joe Dillon</span> <span class="sep">|</span> <span class="sub-des">Divorce Mediator & Founder</span></p>
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      <p>David Martinez (45) and Lisa Ronaldo (43) had been married for 10 years and had a 7-year-old son Miguel. While married they purchased both a condo in Seattle and a vacation home in Leavenworth.</p>
      <p>During mediation they got both properties appraised, and decided Lisa would keep their family home in Seattle (appraised at $850,000) while David would keep the vacation property in Leavenworth (appraised at $775,000).</p>
	  <p>David was more the outdoorsy type and enjoyed his time in the Cascade Mountains, while Lisa was the parent with the majority of physical custody and wanted to keep Miguel in the only house he’s ever known. Even though their total share of community property wasn’t equal, they both felt this was a fair division that met their individual needs.</p>
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        <p> <span class="head-des"> Joe Dillon</span> <span class="sep">|</span> <span class="sub-des">Divorce Mediator & Founder</span></p>
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The role of legal professionals in property division

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When dividing assets during a divorce, some couples may choose to work with family law attorneys who will decide each party’s community property interest and how it’s divided. However, as a mediator, I often find that couples can achieve a fair distribution of their marital assets and debts more efficiently and cost-effectively through mediation than through an attorney-driven divorce or traditional litigation.

While both approaches can lead to a fair and equitable distribution of property, mediation typically offers more flexibility in how your marital property is divided. Instead of having a third-party stranger dictate the terms, you and your spouse work together to create a community property agreement that reflects your unique circumstances. And does so in a fraction of the time, and for a fraction of the cost versus you each hiring a law firm to represent you and litigate!

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Important concepts in property division

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When does community property end in Washington state?

Community property rights generally continue until the date of separation, which is typically (but not always) when one spouse files for divorce or legal separation and communicates their intent to end the marriage and takes action to do so. This isn’t always as clear-cut as people think – sleeping in separate rooms or privately considering divorce doesn’t automatically establish a date of separation. In mediation, we work to establish this date right away as the legal date of separation can (and will) significantly impact property division.

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Understanding debts in property division

While clients certainly like to talk about the assets that need to be divided, unfortunately for them, debts acquired during marriage must also be addressed. While community debts are typically shared equally unless otherwise agreed to by the parties, separate debt (debt acquired before marriage or through separate property) usually remains the responsibility of the individual spouse. However, when dividing assets and debts, we in mediation (or the Washington courts if you choose to litigate) consider each spouse’s economic circumstances to ensure a fair division of both assets and obligations.

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Is Washington a 50/50 divorce state?

While Washington is a community property state, this doesn’t mean every single item of community property needs to be divided exactly 50/50 or that more property must go to one spouse over the other. What it really comes down to is the method you use to get your divorce and what you both think is fair.

On the one hand, were you to both hire attorneys and litigate your divorce proceedings, there’s an excellent chance that a judge decides you should share everything equally.

But in mediation, Washington couples decide if the overall division of community property is fair and equitable. Sometimes, this equitable division does result in a 50/50 split. Whereas other times it means one person keeps certain assets while the other gets assets of similar (but not necessarily equal) value.

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Understanding property transformation

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Let’s now understand what property we need to focus on in your divorce. The key is knowing the difference between community property and separate property. Why? Because only community property will be divided during the divorce process. Let me explain some basic concepts that will help you understand how we make these distinctions.

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Can a spouse’s separate property become community property?

Yes! This is called transmutation, and it can happen in several ways:

• Adding your spouse’s name to a deed or account.
• Using community funds to pay for separate property expenses.
• Mixing separate and community funds in the same account (called “commingling”).

In cases such as these, you’ve “converted” separate property into community property and by doing so, have made it a part of your divorce negotiations whether you realized it or not.

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What is split characterization?

Split characterization is exactly what it sounds like — when a single piece of property has both separate and community property components. This happens more often than you might think, and it’s one of those concepts that are much clearer with an example.

Let’s say you were making payments on your condo for five years before getting married. After marriage, you continued making payments for another ten years using money earned during the marriage. This condo would have a split characterization — part separate property (representing your equity before marriage) and part community property (representing the equity built during marriage from community funds).

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How does tracing work?

Think of tracing like following a trail of breadcrumbs through your financial history. It’s how we track where money came from and where it went, especially when we need to figure out if something is separate or community property.

I common example I often use goes something like this: imagine you had $50,000 in a savings account before marriage (separate property), and you used that money to make a down payment on a house during your marriage. To maintain your separate property claim on that portion of the house’s value, you’d need to be able to “trace” that $50,000 from your pre-marriage account all the way to the house purchase.

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Special situations when dividing property in a Washington state divorce

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Are inheritances community property?

Inheritances are typically not considered community property in Washington state, even if you receive them during marriage. However (and this is important), how you handle that inheritance can affect whether it stays separate property.

For example, if you inherit $100,000 and keep it in a separate bank account that only you use, it remains your separate, personal property. But if you deposit that inheritance into a joint account with your spouse and use it to pay for family expenses, it might become community property through transmutation / commingling.

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Who gets the house in a Washington divorce?

One of the most emotionally charged questions in any divorce is what happens to the family house. In my years as a mediator, I’ve found that the answer depends on your unique situation and several key factors we need to consider together.

First, we need to determine whether the house is community or separate property. This affects what options are available to you. We also need to think about any children involved – maintaining stability for kids is often a top priority in these decisions, especially when child support is a factor. Another crucial factor is whether either spouse can realistically afford to keep the house, considering mortgage payments, maintenance costs, and other expenses. Finally, we look at what other assets and debts are available that might be used to offset the house’s value.

When it comes to the family home, I’ve helped couples find several creative solutions. Many choose to sell the house and split the proceeds – while this is often the cleanest solution, it’s not always what works best for everyone. Another common approach is to get the property valued and for one spouse to buy out the other spouse’s interest, which can work well if there are enough assets or financing available to make it happen. Some couples, especially those with children, opt for a deferred sale arrangement where they continue co-ownership for a set period, often until their children graduate from high school. And sometimes, we can arrange a trade-off where one spouse keeps the house in exchange for other assets of similar value.

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How do support payments affect property division?

When working through property division, it’s important to consider how spousal maintenance (alimony as it’s commonly called) might impact the overall settlement. The division of assets and debts often interplays with support obligations, as one spouse’s economic circumstances may affect their ability to maintain their standard of living post-divorce. A fair division of property which has a couple’s property divided in a “fair but not necessarily equal” manner, might help reduce or eliminate the need for ongoing spousal maintenance in some cases. In mediation we call this a lump sum alimony buyout.

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How are business interests handled?

Business ownership often presents unique challenges in property division. If you or your spouse owns a business, we need to consider several factors. We’ll look at when the business was started – was it before the marriage or during? We’ll examine how much the business grew during your marriage, and whether both spouses contributed to its success, either directly or indirectly. These factors help us determine what portion of the business is community property and how to fairly address it in your property division.

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What about retirement accounts?

Remember before when we talked about split characterization? Retirement accounts are a prime example of this. While the portion of retirement benefits earned during your marriage is considered community property, any portion earned before marriage remains separate. This often leads to some complex calculations, and couples will typically need to use a special court order called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) to divide these accounts properly without triggering unnecessary taxes or penalties.

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How do taxes impact our divorce settlement?

While transfers between spouses during divorce are usually tax-free, there are still important tax implications to consider. For instance, if you’re selling property, you’ll need to think about potential capital gains taxes. When dividing retirement accounts, we need to carefully consider how future distributions will be taxed. Understanding these tax implications helps us make more informed decisions about how to divide your property fairly.

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Why is mediation your best option for a fair property division agreement?

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When negotiating property division in a Washington divorce, you have several options available to you: you could litigate in court, negotiate through attorneys, or work with a mediator. After years of helping couples through this process, I’ve seen firsthand how mediation consistently produces the most satisfying results for both parties.

Mediation puts you in the driver’s seat of your divorce. Instead of leaving crucial decisions about your future in the hands of a judge who doesn’t know your family’s unique situation, you and your spouse work together to create solutions that make sense for both of you. This control over the outcome often leads to arrangements that work better in the real world than court-imposed solutions. After all, who knows better what’s in your mutual best interest than the two of you?

The practical benefits of mediation are significant as well. The process typically costs far less than litigation, and we can usually reach agreements much faster than going through the court system. Call it two to three months versus two to three years! But perhaps more importantly, mediation’s collaborative nature helps preserve relationships – something that’s especially crucial when you have children together or shared business interests that will continue after divorce.

I’ve found that couples who go through mediation tend to be more satisfied with their property division in the long run. This makes sense when you think about it – rather than having a solution imposed on them, they’ve actively participated in creating arrangements that work for their specific situation. This ownership of the process often leads to better compliance with agreements and fewer post-divorce disputes.

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Final thoughts

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Understanding community property in Washington state doesn’t have to be overwhelming. While the legal framework can seem complex, working with an experienced mediator can help you navigate the process efficiently, create fair and lasting agreements, save money compared to litigation, maintain better relationships, and achieve outcomes that work for everyone.

Remember, while Washington law provides a framework for property division, you and your spouse have the power to create a division plan that works for your unique situation. Through mediation, you can develop creative approaches that address both parties’ needs while ensuring compliance with Washington state law. Whether you’re dealing with complex assets or simple property division, mediation provides a path to resolution that’s typically faster, less expensive, and more satisfying than going to court.

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Take your first step towards a peaceful divorce

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filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ transform_type=”regular” transform_hover_element=”self” transform_scale_x_hover=”1″ transform_scale_y_hover=”1″ transform_translate_x_hover=”0″ transform_translate_y_hover=”0″ transform_rotate_hover=”0″ transform_skew_x_hover=”0″ transform_skew_y_hover=”0″ transform_scale_x=”1″ transform_scale_y=”1″ transform_translate_x=”0″ transform_translate_y=”0″ transform_rotate=”0″ transform_skew_x=”0″ transform_skew_y=”0″ transition_duration=”300″ transition_easing=”ease” motion_effects=”W10=” scroll_motion_devices=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_delay=”0″ last=”true” border_position=”all” first=”true” min_height=”” link=””][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ title_link=”off” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ font_size=”38px” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_overflow=”none” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”60px” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″]Guide to Divorce Mediation in Washington State[/fusion_title][fusion_accordion type=”toggles” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” boxed_mode=”yes” border_size=”2″ border_color=”#d8e8f2″ hover_color=”#f4f3ef” padding_top=”10px” padding_right=”5px” padding_bottom=”10px” padding_left=”5px” title_tag=”h4″ fusion_font_family_title_font=”Poppins” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”600″ title_font_size=”18px” title_color=”var(–awb-color6)” icon_size=”25px” icon_color=”#d8e8f2″ icon_boxed_mode=”no” icon_box_color=”#d8e8f2″ icon_alignment=”right” content_font_size=”16px” content_color=”var(–awb-color6)” toggle_hover_accent_color=”var(–awb-color6)” toggle_active_accent_color=”var(–awb-color6)”][fusion_toggle title=”How is mediation conducted for divorces in Washington State?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

In Washington State divorce mediation is a confidential process and may either be conducted using the family law court-supported Washington State Dispute Resolution Center (DRC), or conducted privately by working with Seattle divorce mediators like us.

While both the DRC and private mediators provide mediation services, and remain neutral throughout the proceedings, the DRC may not be best equipped to handle the complexities that most divorcing clients typically have.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What is the difference between court-supported mediation and private mediation?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

There are three major differences between court-supported mediation and private mediation in

First, when mediation is court-supported, you don’t get to choose your mediator like you would with private mediation. So you could end up with a mediator you don’t like, or you’re not comfortable working with.

Second, the mediators may be less experienced than private mediators. The only requirement to become a court-supported mediator in Seattle is to take a 40-hour mediation training class. So many new mediators get their start this way and have little or no real-world experience.

Third, if your situation is complex, a court-supported mediator may not have the experience to handle unique issues like yours. In that case, not only will you have wasted your time, but you and your spouse may find yourselves even farther from agreement.

In our opinion, it’s always better to hire a private mediator to handle your divorce case.

Third, if your situation is complex, a court-appointed mediator may not have the experience to handle unique issues like yours. In that case, not only will you have wasted your time, but you and your spouse may find yourselves even farther from agreement.

Finally, private mediation is not mandated by a judge. The couple forgoes the attorney-driven path to divorce and instead chooses to mediate. So if you and your spouse both agree to use mediation, you’ll hire a private divorce mediator like us, typically before you file for divorce. We would then help you identify, discuss, negotiate and reach an amicable agreement through mediation on all of the required issues, confidentially and without the involvement of divorce lawyers (if you choose).

In our opinion, mediation is always better when conducted privately.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What is the Seattle divorce mediation process?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the divorce mediation process once you become our client:

To kick things off, your first mediation session will be a one-hour strategy session. In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you and  your spouse prepare for mediation by:

• Developing a framework for your negotiations;
• Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
• Defining your goals for the divorce mediation process;
• Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
• And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.

This part of the mediation process is intended to help the two of you and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.

Once you’ve submitted to the mediator the pre-work and discovery items required, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.

Joe will meet with you and your spouse online and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions depend greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.

If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to offer possible solutions, help you explore and negotiate each option, and reach agreement during the mediation on these topics.

Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.

Upon completion of mediation, you will each be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective lawyer, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.

Once you both agree the MOU looks good, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, along with a host of other related King County court paperwork. It’s important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional to use to have your divorce filed with the court.

Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce will be granted by a judge in 90 days as there is a waiting period in Washington State.

Our mediation process is very efficient and can be completed in a fraction of the time that a litigated divorce or collaborative law process would take.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What are the main benefits of mediation?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Mediation can help couples navigate divorce more peacefully and efficiently, without the cost and stress of lengthy court battles. This confidential process allows the parties to work together in a supportive environment, focusing on finding solutions that work for everyone involved. Rather than leaving decisions to a judge, parties decide their own outcome, which often leads to more satisfying and lasting agreements.

Through mediation, we help the parties reach common ground on important issues like property division, parenting arrangements, and financial matters. The flexible nature of mediation makes it possible to explore creative solutions that might not be available in traditional court proceedings. Because you maintain control of the process, you’re often able to reach agreements that better reflect your family’s unique needs.

Given our extensive experience, we’re able to help nearly all of our mediation cases settle successfully, helping minimize both emotional and financial stress. By choosing mediation, couples can work toward resolution without getting caught up in the adversarial court system, preserving important relationships and setting a positive tone for future interactions, especially when children are involved.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How can I convince my spouse to mediate?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While we always hope couples choose to mediate their separation or divorce, divorce mediation is a voluntary process. In our experience, what typically happens is there’s one spouse who is familiar with mediation, and one who is not. To help your spouse, we encourage you to direct them to our comprehensive options for divorce guide and to learn more about the benefits of choosing mediation.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Do I also need a divorce attorney if I am using a Seattle mediator?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

There is no requirement in Seattle, King County or Washington State that parties have to retain a lawyer as involving attorneys is a matter of personal choice. While some clients choose to hire a Seattle family law attorney to review their settlement agreement (known as a Memorandum of Understanding in mediation) or provide legal advice during or after the mediation process, others explicitly choose to divorce without the involvement of lawyers. If you’d like the perspective of a divorce lawyer on a one or more family law matters, you are encouraged to do so.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Do my spouse and I have to be in agreement on any or all matters prior to starting the Washington State divorce process?” open=”no” awb-switch-editor-focus=”No! In fact, many couples specifically wait for the mediator to help them reach a settlement. This way, they can make certain all of the necessary issues will be covered fully – in the appropriate order and given the attention and time required.” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

No! In fact, many couples specifically wait for the mediator to help them reach a settlement. This way, they can make certain all of the necessary issues will be covered fully – in the appropriate order and given the attention and time required.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Will divorce mediation work in complex divorces in King County?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While we can’t speak for all King County mediators, for us the answer is yes. We’ve successfully mediated divorce for employees of numerous King County employers including Amazon, Boeing, Kirkland, Microsoft, Shopify, and U of Washington among many others. Given the types of compensation these employers typically offer their employees, most of our cases have a high degree of complexity including complicated compensation such as stock options and restricted stock units, along with other variable compensation components like bonuses and commissions, as well as deferred compensation packages including pensions. We are also well versed in divorces involving a business, high assets, divorce after long-term marriage, and grey divorce.

Read case studies and learn who we help

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How does mediation compare to other dispute resolution processes like collaborative divorce?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While the goal of both of these divorce options is to help couples avoid court, there are significant ways they differ from the number of professionals involved, the cost, the timing, among many other factors. You can learn more in our post: Divorce Mediation Versus Collaborative Law Process.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What’s the difference between a divorce mediator and a divorce mediation lawyer?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Mediators come from a variety of different backgrounds. Some are attorney mediators, so they may refer to themselves as a “divorce mediation attorney” or “divorce mediation lawyer.” Some are mental health professionals. While others, like Equitable Mediation founder, Joe Dillon, have a financial background.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What’s the difference between family law mediation and divorce mediation?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While the terms can sometimes be used interchangeably, “family law mediation” is the broader of the two. For example, family law mediation may be used to help non-married Washington parents make decisions on and resolve issues of child custody. In this case, since they were never married, there would be no “divorce” in the mediation process.

While any topic involving the family may be brought to resolution using a family law mediator, divorce mediation refers to a specific alternative dispute resolution process focused on ending the parties’ marriage.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Can a divorce mediator give me legal advice?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

No. They cannot and must remain impartial – even if they are an attorney-mediator. In their role as an unbiased, neutral third party, they must not provide legal advice.

You can learn more about the differences between divorce mediation and divorce lawyers in this post.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Can you really help us find common ground? We don’t seem to agree on much.” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Yes. As a professionally trained mediator with more than 25 years of experience, I’ve found that couples can reach agreement when both parties are willing to engage in good-faith negotiations and approach the process with an openness to compromise.

What often surprises couples is that they actually agree on more than they realize. When emotions are running high, it’s natural to focus on points of conflict while overlooking areas where they’re in lock step. Sometimes, couples don’t even recognize when they’re in agreement until I point it out – which makes sense given that communication difficulties are a common cause of divorce.

People who choose mediation typically want to keep things peaceful. And it’s this shared goal that already creates common ground. When you explain to them what will happen if they don’t reach agreement in mediation – i.e. they’ll be forced into a more contentious divorce process – they’re more likely to compromise and reach agreement.

In my experience, when couples participate together in mediation, and have to look each other in the eye when they make an offer, it becomes harder to propose unfair solutions.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How much does a divorce cost in Washington State when mediation is used?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Divorce mediation costs vary depending on the skill level and experience of the mediator, scope of services included and case complexities. If you’re wondering about the cost of divorce mediation, you might be focusing on the mediator’s hourly rate, or in our case, flat-fee. But there are a number of other equally, if not more important factors contributing to the overall cost of divorce mediation.

One is the mediator’s experience. You may be thinking naturally, a more experience a mediator has a higher fee. But that’s not what we’re talking about. An experienced mediator is going to be sure to cover present and known and potential future issues. This way, you’ll likely avoid having to return to mediation (or worse yet, court) and spend more money down the line when circumstances change.

It’s expensive (and stressful) to try to resolve a missed issue and modify your divorce decree, so the more thorough your agreement is at the time of your divorce will be a cost-avoidance for you in the future.

Another factor attributed to cost is the services included in the mediation. For example, some Seattle mediators like us offer divorce coaching for emotional support, while other mediators don’t. Or whether the mediator drafts a thorough written agreement, or a simple agreement that would need to be re-written by an attorney at an additional cost to you. And some mediators may even require each spouse to hire an attorney to review their agreement, while others who believe in the power of self-determination, don’t.

You can work with an inexperienced mediator for what you think is a low fee, but once mediation is completed, spend another few thousand dollars to have your agreement re-written by an attorney, or potentially another $10,000- $20,000 in the future to resolve missed issues.

Or you can choose an experienced mediator who might have a higher fee, but who will provide a more thorough service, written agreement, and resolution on present and anticipated future issues, which in turn, will save you a lot of money in the long run.

Each mediator has their own mediation fee structure, but the average cost of divorce mediation in Washington State is between $6,000 to $10,000

Because we develop a customized mediation plan for each couple, based on their unique needs and circumstances, fees for our divorce mediation services vary. But even the most complex cases cost a fraction of traditional litigation using family law attorneys or collaborative law process.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How do I know if mediation is a realistic option for my uncontested divorce in Seattle?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Mediation is a feasible option if:

• You and your spouse are both ready to take part in a good faith and transparent negotiation which requires full financial disclosure;
• There is some level of mutual respect between you and your spouse and you’re both ready to actively participate – this is because mediation is a voluntary process and will only work if you are both committed to it;
• You would like to have an experienced professional mediator help you identify, discuss and negotiate the required divorce issues, but you want full control over your divorce agreement and want to make your own decisions.

If one of you wants to mediate, but one of you does not, unfortunately, mediation will not be an option in your case.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Are divorce mediation and arbitration the same thing?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While both the divorce mediation and arbitration processes involve gathering information, working with multiple parties, and conversations taking place between the participants and a third-party, there is one significant difference between them.

In arbitration, the solution to the parties’ disagreement is decided by the involved third-party arbitrator like a private judge in what’s known as a settlement conference. Whereas mediators believe the solution to the parties disagreement lies with them, and mediator helps the parties come to agreements on their own in one or more negotiation sessions.

We feel divorce mediation is a better ADR (alternative dispute resolution) alternative than arbitration, as it empowers the parties to make the decisions that are in their mutual best interest. Rather than allowing a total stranger to make decisions for them that may or may not work in their particular case.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”I’ve heard about something called “Shuttle Mediation.” Can you explain a bit more about what that is, and if Equitable Mediation uses that approach?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Shuttle mediation is where the mediator would help the two spouses resolve the relevant issues (parenting plan, child support, alimony, division of assets and liabilities, etc.) without both of them being present in the same room, or on the same Zoom call.

Shuttle mediation can be useful in cases with special circumstances (where two parties truly do wish to mediate, but they are unwilling or unable to be in the same room at the same time, such as with domestic violence). However we prefer direct negotiations – working with both spouses at the same time, as we have found this breeds more trust among the parties. Therefore, we do not perform shuttle mediation.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Who can be a divorce mediator in Washington State?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

There is no requirement in Washington State for a mediator to be licensed or certified. That means anyone can call themselves Washington State mediators. And while that may be a positive in that it can provide divorcing couples alternatives to the adversarial legal system, it’s critically important to ensure that the mediator you choose has the proper skills and experience to guide you through your divorce in Washington State.

It’s not uncommon for attorneys to call themselves a “divorce mediation lawyer” or a “mediation attorney” as they feel attending law school or understanding family law issues also qualifies them to be divorce mediators. But in our opinion, litigating or advocating for one party is an entirely different skill set than acting as a neutral third party and assisting both parties towards fair and equitable resolution.

Learn more about how to find a good mediator.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What’s the difference between a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) and a Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA)?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

A mediator will draft what’s known as a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) which contains all of the agreements the parties made with regards to items that affect their family such as parenting time and decision-making, child support, spousal maintenance and property division.

After mediation is completed, the agreements outlined in the MOU are then formally drafted by a qualified professional into a legally binding document known as the Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA), which is signed by the parties and is one of the (many) legal documents that are submitted to the court to finalize the parties’ dissolution of marriage.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Do we need to come to your office for mediation sessions?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

There’s no need to travel to an office for our sessions. We’ve been conducting divorce mediation services remotely since 2011, allowing us to serve couples throughout the Seattle metropolitan area from the comfort of their own homes or offices.

We’ve helped client couples in Seattle, Bellevue, Kent, Everett, Renton, Federal Way, Kirkland, Auburn, Redmond, Shoreline, Bothell, Burien, Lynnwood, Edmonds, Puyallup, Sammamish, Lacey, Marysville, Issaquah, Tukwila, Mercer Island, Des Moines, and SeaTac.

Our virtual approach provides maximum convenience while ensuring the same professional, confidential service you would receive in person.

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Why Trust Equitable Mediation

Equitable Mediation Services is a trusted and nationally recognized provider of divorce mediation, serving couples exclusively in California, New Jersey, Washington, New York, Illinois, and Pennsylvania. Founded in 2008, this husband-and-wife team has successfully guided over 1,000 couples through the complex divorce process, helping them reach amicable, fair, and thorough agreements that balance each party’s interests and prioritize their children’s well-being. All without involving attorneys if they so choose.

At the heart of Equitable Mediation are Joe Dillon, MBA, and Cheryl Dillon, CPC—two compassionate, experienced professionals committed to helping couples resolve the financial, emotional, and practical issues of divorce peacefully and with dignity.

Joe Dillon, MBA – Divorce Mediator & Financial Expert

As a seasoned Divorce Mediator with an MBA in Finance, Joe Dillon specializes in helping clients navigate complex parental and financial issues, including:

• Physical and legal custody
• Spousal support (alimony) and child support
• Equitable distribution and community property division
• Business ownership
• Retirement accounts, stock options, and RSUs

Joe’s unique blend of financial acumen, mediation expertise, and personal insight enables him to skillfully guide couples through complex divorce negotiations, reaching fair agreements that safeguard the family’s emotional and financial well-being.

He brings clarity and structure to even the most challenging negotiations, ensuring both parties feel heard, supported, and in control of their outcome. This approach has earned him a reputation as one of the most trusted names in alternative dispute resolution.

Cheryl Dillon, CPC – Certified Divorce Coach & Client Advocate

Cheryl Dillon is a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) and the Divorce Coach at Equitable Mediation. She earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology and completed formal training at The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) – an internationally recognized leader in the field of coaching education.

Her unique blend of emotional intelligence, coaching expertise, and personal insight enables her to guide individuals through the emotional complexities of divorce compassionately.

Cheryl’s approach fosters improved communication, reduced conflict, and better decision-making, equipping clients to manage the challenges of divorce effectively. Emotions have a profound impact on shaping the divorce process, its outcomes, and the future well-being of all involved.

What We Offer: Flat-Fee, Full-Service Divorce Mediation

Equitable Mediation provides:

• Full-service divorce mediation with real financial expertise
• Convenient, online sessions via Zoom
• Unlimited sessions for one customized flat fee (no hourly billing surprises)
• Child custody and parenting plan negotiation
• Spousal support and asset division mediation
• Divorce coaching and emotional support
• Free and paid educational courses on the divorce process

Whether clients are facing financial complexities, looking to safeguard their children’s futures, or trying to protect everything they’ve worked hard to build, Equitable Mediation has the expertise to guide them towards the outcomes that matter most to them and their families.

Why Couples Choose Equitable Mediation

• 98% case resolution rate
• Trusted by over 1,000 families since 2008
• Subject-matter experts in the states in which they practice
• Known for confidential, respectful, and cost-effective processes
• Recommendations by therapists, financial planners, and former clients

Equitable Mediation Services operates in:

• California: San Francisco, San Diego, Los Angeles
• New Jersey: Bridgewater, Morristown, Short Hills
• Washington: Seattle, Bellevue, Kirkland
• New York: NYC, Long Island
• Illinois: Chicago, North Shore
• Pennsylvania: Philadelphia, Bucks County, Montgomery County, Pittsburgh, Allegheny County

Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn if you’re a good candidate for divorce mediation with Joe and Cheryl.

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As parents getting a divorce in Pennsylvania, you’re probably worried sick about what your divorce will do to your kids. Emotionally and financially. You love your children and want the best for them. But you’re concerned your divorce is going to make it harder for them to get the financial support they need in order to live healthy and happy lives.

That’s where the Pennsylvania child support guidelines come in.

And there’s a lot more to know about PA child support than you might think.

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What is the purpose of Pennsylvania child support payment?

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Some parents think the purpose of child support in PA is simply to cover the costs associated with raising their children post-divorce.

But child support is about more than just money.

While it’s true that child support payments are designed to ensure your children’s financial well-being, that’s only half of it. After your divorce is finalized, you’ll no longer be husband and wife, but you’ll always be parents to your kids. And the last thing you’ll want your children doing is worrying about having to drop out of extracurricular activities, missing out on summer camp, or wondering whether they’ll be able to go to college.

So child support also demonstrates to your kids that you love them and care about their emotional well-being, too.

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There are a few things you need to know about the challenges of determining PA child support payments:

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• While there are Pennsylvania child support guidelines, it can (and is often) deviated from, it doesn’t include all the expenses required to raise a child, and it isn’t applicable in all situations or circumstances;
• As mortgage interest rates continue to remain at or near 20-year highs, the prospect of keeping children in the home post-divorce becomes even more daunting, and will require creative solutions;
• With the significant increases in cost of living, what the guidelines output, and what your children need to thrive, may differ significantly;
• This topic has less to do with Pennsylvania child support law and more to do with money, negotiation, and as parents, doing what’s best for your kids;
• There is more than meets the eye on this issue and in the majority of cases, this subject is much too complex for you to try to resolve on your own;

That’s why you will get the best result by mediating with us.

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The PA child support guideline is a guideline, not a formula.

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All 50 states are required to have a systematic way by which to determine child support. So every state including PA has a child support guideline. But the way child support is determined varies from state to state. Some states use a simple percentage-based formula. You’d simply take a share of the supporting party’s income and make payment to the other party and you’re done. While some states, like Pennsylvania, use more of a comprehensive guideline. PA child support is determined using the “Income Shares” model.

The income shares model attempts to take into account a number of factors including:

• Your incomes;
• The number of overnights the children spend with each of you; and
• The ages of your children.

The guidelines are run and a basic child support obligation is outputted. But even when using the guideline, determining Pennsylvania child support isn’t as easy as you might expect.

Determining PA child support is more complex than it seems.

Because there are a number of issues you’ll face when using the PA child support guidelines “as-is.”

First is the issue of the number generated by the guideline. This amount is presumed to be appropriate in all cases. But it’s a lot more expensive to raise children in some parts of Pennsylvania such as Philadelphia or Pittsburgh than it is in other parts such as Lancaster County, for example.

Yet the same guideline is used state-wide!

So while the guideline may output an amount, you may still choose to deviate from it. And deciding whether it should go up or down can be a point of contention among divorcing couples.

Child support in PA may increase or decrease for any one (or more) of the following reasons:

• If either spouse has any unusual financial needs;
• What each of your shares of the division of your marital assets and liabilities will be per the terms of your settlement;
• If either or both spouses have other support obligations to a third-party;
• How old your children are;
• If either or both spouses have a source of income other than what is reported on your paychecks or W-2’s;
• Other non-marital assets and liabilities one or both spouses may own or owe;
• If the children have any extraordinary medical costs not covered by health insurance;
• What the standard of living was for the children during your marriage, and
• The always popular and eternally vague “any other factors deemed relevant including the best interests of the child.”

Then there’s the issue of which parent pays child support.

Typically, the parent with whom the children spend less time will be the party to pay child support. But what if that’s the parent who is also earning less?

Is it fair that this parent should have to pay child support based on what the guideline states even if it creates a financial hardship for that party? Can one parent waive child support on behalf of the children? And does that excuse the non-custodial parent from any financial obligations associated with the kids?

So while you might think you simply run the Pennsylvania child support guidelines and use the number calculated, it’s not even close. The reality is that the number isn’t a hard and fast formula, but rather, a suggestion. And it’s just a starting point for negotiation.

From there, it’s up to the parties to negotiate an agreement that’s in the best interests of their children and that both spouses find fair.

Which is not always so easy to do. Especially if one of you lives in a high-cost area such as Bryn Mawr or Newtown!

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A lot is left out of the PA child support guidelines.

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So far, we’ve talked about how the guidelines output a basic support obligation that one party may wind up paying to the other. And it’s based on a number of factors including your incomes, the number of overnights the kids spend with each of you and their ages.

But even when you run the Pennsylvania child support guidelines, there are still a number of other expenses that aren’t covered in the basic support obligation.

There’s also:

• Child care;
• Private school;
• Sports camps;
• PlayStations, X-Boxes, and Nintendo’s;
• SAT prep;
• Auto insurance;
• And more!

We refer to these as “extraordinary” expenses.

And as a parent, you know these types of expenses can be quite significant! Especially when your kid just has to have the new PlayStation 99 or is the next budding 1st baseman for the Phillies. Extraordinary expenses must be discussed and negotiated separately to ensure your children get the complete financial support they need and deserve.

Starting to see why that PA child support calculator you found free on the Internet isn’t helpful in determining child support?

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There are other items that must be discussed surrounding child support in PA.

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In addition to the standard as well as extraordinary costs associated with raising children, you and your spouse will also need to discuss and come to an agreement on:

• Which party will pay for their health care coverage;
• Who takes the kids as a tax deduction;
• Whether or not to get life insurance to cover the children’s expenses should one party pre-decease the other before the kids are emancipated;
• How to pay for college;
• And how long child support will last as depending on your unique circumstances or situation, it may continue on past the normal age of emancipation.

Suddenly, the PA child support guidelines aren’t so comprehensive!

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The Pennsylvania child support guidelines aren’t applicable in all situations.

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In order for the PA child support guideline to be applied “as-is,” your income and your spouse’s income must be predictable from month to month and year to year. So if one or both parties earn more of their compensation from bonuses, commissions, or stock options, the guidelines simply won’t work.

And if your income falls below or above certain limits, you can’t use the guidelines, either.

Meaning if you and your spouse collectively earn more or less than a set amount of income per year, the guidelines also won’t work. And that’s just one more example of why it’s called a child support guideline and not a child support formula.

In either case, you’ll have no choice but to skip the guidelines and negotiate instead.

Which is not always so easy to do.

[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

In Pennsylvania, when the law gets involved, it’s a problem.

[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”list-ul-style” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”20px” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

There’s something you need to understand here: In a litigated PA divorce, a family law judge in court determines child support. Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

Because the judge will dictate the terms of the settlement by court order and both spouses might wind up with something they don’t think is fair or that doesn’t appropriately meet the needs of their children.

That’s why it’s better to negotiate this issue out of Pennsylvania court and that’s exactly what mediation is all about.

In mediation, you get to decide – and come to an agreement that puts your children first and you both agree is fair, instead of letting your future be decided by a stranger in a courtroom.

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You’ll get the best result by mediating with us.

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Child support issues will vary based on your situation and circumstances. And as you’ve learned, there is more than meets the eye on this topic. So don’t risk putting your children’s financial future in jeopardy by trying to resolve child support on your own.

Use divorce mediation and work with us instead!

Using our extensive financial knowledge of the complex matters of child support in PA, we’ll help you and your spouse determine an amount that accurately reflects the specialized needs of your children.

One that covers all ordinary, extraordinary, and future expenses.

• We’ll talk about who your children are, what they like to do, and what it will take to make sure they’re getting what they need and deserve. Not just what some guideline says you have to pay so they can “get by.”
• We’ll work through specialized cases like child support in which you share in the care of your children equally. As that type of support has its own unique method for determination.
• We’ll help you negotiate any issues of disagreement and create an agreement you both find fair and equitable regarding the support of your children.
• We’ll also make sure you and your spouse not only come to an agreement that you both find to be fair, but also one that minimizes tax issues, avoids penalties, and improves cash flow whenever possible.

Because no two situations are alike.

Your children are unique and your child support agreement should reflect that, too.

Why be forced to accept a child support order dictated by a judge in family court when you can create an agreement that works for your children now and into the future instead?

If you want to make decisions as parents, not as litigants, do what’s best for your kids and mediate your no fault PA divorce with Equitable Mediation.

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Take your first step towards a peaceful divorce

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Guide to Divorce Mediation in PA

[/fusion_title][fusion_accordion type=”toggles” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” class=”faq-style1″ boxed_mode=”yes” border_size=”2″ border_color=”#d8e8f2″ hover_color=”#f4f3ef” padding_top=”10px” padding_right=”5px” padding_bottom=”10px” padding_left=”5px” title_tag=”h4″ fusion_font_family_title_font=”Poppins” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”600″ title_font_size=”18px” title_color=”var(–awb-color6)” icon_size=”25px” icon_color=”#d8e8f2″ icon_boxed_mode=”no” icon_box_color=”#d8e8f2″ icon_alignment=”right” content_font_size=”16px” content_color=”var(–awb-color6)” toggle_hover_accent_color=”var(–awb-color6)” toggle_active_accent_color=”var(–awb-color6)”][fusion_toggle title=”How is divorce mediation in Pennsylvania conducted?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

In Pennsylvania, it may be conducted privately or publicly, depending on whether you and your spouse choose to mediate first or hire attorneys first.

If you take the preferred path and choose to mediate first, you would hire a private, impartial third party mediation service like ours, typically before you file with the courts.

During the mediation process, Joe, your mediator, will help you identify, discuss, negotiate and resolve all of the issues surrounding your divorce privately, confidentially and without the use of divorce attorneys, if that is your preference. He will then draft your agreement and a host of supporting documents.

Once the mediation process is completed, you would complete your divorce through the courts.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Can a court require mediation in a PA divorce?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Yes. If you initially choose to forgo private mediation, and instead hire an attorney, you’d likely be sent to court-ordered mediation. Pennsylvania has court-ordered mediation whereby you’ll be required to engage in child custody and financial mediation using a mediator or something called a Family Master. And while we’re always supportive of couples whose divorce settlement is the result of a mediated divorce, there are a number of shortcomings (in our opinion) with going the court-ordered mediation route:

• First, you don’t get to choose your mediator (Family Master) like you would with private divorce mediation. It’s completely at the court’s discretion who will facilitate your negotiations. So you could end up with a mediator you don’t like, or you’re not comfortable working with for your divorce proceedings.
• Second, court-ordered mediation in PA can be farmed out to various community groups who perform all kinds of mediation, not just mediation involving family matters. These may be volunteers who don’t practice full-time like we do, or have the requisite knowledge or experience to help you craft the solutions you need in order to move forward with your lives in a timely manner.
• Finally, what if your divorce issues are so complex that even if the mediator isn’t fresh out of mediation training, they aren’t experienced handling unique issues like yours? In that case, mediation sessions will become a waste of time and now you’ll have to wait months for a family court date. When you could have resolved all of your issues in private mediation with us long before that.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What is the PA divorce mediation process?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the process once you become our client:

To kick things off, your first mediation session will be a one-hour strategy session. In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you and your spouse prepare for mediation by:

• Developing a framework for your negotiations;
• Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
• Defining your goals for the process;
• Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
• And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.

This session is intended to help you, and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to resolution on all required issues.

Once you’ve submitted to us requested pre-work and discovery items, sessions transition to negotiations.

Joe will meet with you and your spouse online and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions depend greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.

If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to help you negotiate and break through any impasses encountered.

Once terms are reached for all required issues, he will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.

Upon completion of mediation, you will be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective lawyers, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.

Once you both agree the MOU looks good, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, and budgets, along with a host of other related Pennsylvania court paperwork. It’s important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which to use to have your divorce filed with the court.

Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce (decree) will be granted by a judge typically in three to four months as there is a three-month waiting period in PA.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What are the issues that need to be resolved in a Pennsylvania divorce?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

For a divorcing couple with children, there are four main issues in a Pennsylvania divorce: parenting plan, child support, alimony, and division of marital property and debts. For couples with no children, there are two: alimony and division of marital property and debts.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”In mediation, can you divide your marital assets based on what each person truly needs?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Since Pennsylvania is an equitable distribution state, and mediation allows the parties to come to any agreement they both feel is fair and equitable, yes. You and your spouse could choose to divide your marital assets based on what each person truly needs rather than dividing everything 50-50. An expert mediator will typically be able to help you analyze your assets and liabilities, and share with you options for dividing them in accordance with each of your needs. This in mediation is known as “interest-based negotiation” and in our experience, is the preferred negotiation method in a divorce.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Can I get a divorce without a lawyer if I’m working with a mediator?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Yes. Lawyers aren’t required for a divorce. Some individuals choose to reach out to a law firm and speak with a divorce lawyer during or after mediation if they want to further understand divorce law, or need legal advice. But others specifically choose to not involve attorneys in their divorce or separation, preferring instead to divorce without a lawyer. While we don’t require you to retain an attorney during mediation, if you want to get a lawyer’s perspective on specific legal matters, we encourage you to do so.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Do we have to be in agreement on all the divorce issues before we begin working with you?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

No. It isn’t necessary or required for you and your spouse to have everything decided before you start divorce mediation. In fact, many divorcing couples specifically wait for their chosen mediator to help them work through their issues. This way, you can ensure everything is covered thoroughly – in an appropriate order and given the time and attention required.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Will mediation work in a very complex divorce case?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

We cannot speak for all divorce mediators, but for us the answer is yes. Given our experience helping couples divorcing after 20 years of marriage, those with high asset cases, grey divorce cases, business owner divorces, and cases involving complicated compensation issues, most Pennsylvania divorce mediation cases we handle involve a high level of situational complexities.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How does divorce mediation compare to a traditional dispute resolution / court process using lawyers?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

There are a great deal of differences between the two divorce methods ranging from the number of professionals involved, approach, cost, speed, and more. This article covers in more detail a comparison of divorce mediation vs lawyers. And this article covers mediation vs collaborative divorce (also referred to as collaborative law process).

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How do we know if divorce mediation is a good option for us?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Divorce mediation is a viable option if:

• You and your spouse are both willing to take part in a transparent and honest negotiation that includes full disclosure;
• There’s a level of respect between the two of you, and because mediation is a voluntary process, you’re both willing to participate;
• You want an experienced professional to help you reach agreement on the necessary issues, but you want to maintain full control over your divorce agreement and make your own decisions.

If one of you wants to mediate, and one of you doesn’t, unfortunately, mediation will not be an option.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What happens if my spouse and I don’t reach a settlement in mediation?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Since 2008 we’ve helped 98% of our mediation clients reach agreement, so you have an excellent chance of avoiding a protracted court battle if you mediate with us. However, if on the very small chance you’re unable to reach a settlement in mediation, we would refer you and your spouse to mediation-supportive attorneys who would use the progress you made with us in mediation, and help you resolve the issues that remain.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What are some examples of when mediation was unsuccessful?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While our experience with an unsuccessful mediation is limited, for the cases we were unable to resolve completely, two themes emerged: failure to disclose information and interpersonal conflict.

Mediation is a good faith negotiation and requires the parties to be fully transparent, as well as be able to communicate directly with each other. So if one or both spouses are unwilling to adhere to these two principles, mediation may not work.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What if I want to learn more about divorce mediation than is covered here?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While we’ve done our best to answer many of the questions we’ve been frequently asked, we encourage you to visit our learning center where you’ll find articles and digital courses that explore the topics of divorce and divorce mediation further.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Do we need to come to your office for mediation sessions?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

There’s no need to travel to an office for our sessions. We’ve been conducting divorce mediation services remotely since 2011, allowing us to serve couples throughout Pennsylvania from the comfort of their own homes or offices.

We’ve helped client couples in Philadelphia and the surrounding areas of: Gladwyne, Villanova, Bryn Mawr, Haverford, Radnor, Wayne, Chestnut Hill, Blue Bell, Newtown Square, Devon, Berwyn, Fort Washington, Gwynedd Valley, Lower Merion Township, Wynnewood, Swarthmore, Malvern, Media, Narberth, Ardmore, Penn Valley, New Hope, Doylestown, Ambler, Huntingdon Valley, and Flourtown.

As well as in Pittsburgh and the surrounding areas of: Sewickley Heights, Fox Chapel, Upper St. Clair, Mt. Lebanon, Edgeworth, Sewickley, Pine Township, Wexford, Franklin Park, Peters Township, Bethel Park, Marshall Township, Adams Township, Cranberry Township, Murrysville, Moon Township, North Allegheny, McCandless, Hampton Township, O’Hara Township, Shadyside, Squirrel Hill, Allison Park, Oakmont, South Fayette, Robinson Township

Our virtual approach provides maximum convenience while ensuring the same professional, confidential service you would receive in person.

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Why Trust Equitable Mediation

Equitable Mediation Services is a trusted and nationally recognized provider of divorce mediation, serving couples exclusively in California, New Jersey, Washington, New York, Illinois, and Pennsylvania. Founded in 2008, this husband-and-wife team has successfully guided over 1,000 couples through the complex divorce process, helping them reach amicable, fair, and thorough agreements that balance each party’s interests and prioritize their children’s well-being. All without involving attorneys if they so choose.

At the heart of Equitable Mediation are Joe Dillon, MBA, and Cheryl Dillon, CPC—two compassionate, experienced professionals committed to helping couples resolve the financial, emotional, and practical issues of divorce peacefully and with dignity.

Joe Dillon, MBA – Divorce Mediator & Financial Expert

As a seasoned Divorce Mediator with an MBA in Finance, Joe Dillon specializes in helping clients navigate complex parental and financial issues, including:

• Physical and legal custody
• Spousal support (alimony) and child support
• Equitable distribution and community property division
• Business ownership
• Retirement accounts, stock options, and RSUs

Joe’s unique blend of financial acumen, mediation expertise, and personal insight enables him to skillfully guide couples through complex divorce negotiations, reaching fair agreements that safeguard the family’s emotional and financial well-being.

He brings clarity and structure to even the most challenging negotiations, ensuring both parties feel heard, supported, and in control of their outcome. This approach has earned him a reputation as one of the most trusted names in alternative dispute resolution.

Cheryl Dillon, CPC – Certified Divorce Coach & Client Advocate

Cheryl Dillon is a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) and the Divorce Coach at Equitable Mediation. She earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology and completed formal training at The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) – an internationally recognized leader in the field of coaching education.

Her unique blend of emotional intelligence, coaching expertise, and personal insight enables her to guide individuals through the emotional complexities of divorce compassionately.

Cheryl’s approach fosters improved communication, reduced conflict, and better decision-making, equipping clients to manage the challenges of divorce effectively. Emotions have a profound impact on shaping the divorce process, its outcomes, and the future well-being of all involved.

What We Offer: Flat-Fee, Full-Service Divorce Mediation

Equitable Mediation provides:

• Full-service divorce mediation with real financial expertise
• Convenient, online sessions via Zoom
• Unlimited sessions for one customized flat fee (no hourly billing surprises)
• Child custody and parenting plan negotiation
• Spousal support and asset division mediation
• Divorce coaching and emotional support
• Free and paid educational courses on the divorce process

Whether clients are facing financial complexities, looking to safeguard their children’s futures, or trying to protect everything they’ve worked hard to build, Equitable Mediation has the expertise to guide them towards the outcomes that matter most to them and their families.

Why Couples Choose Equitable Mediation

• 98% case resolution rate
• Trusted by over 1,000 families since 2008
• Subject-matter experts in the states in which they practice
• Known for confidential, respectful, and cost-effective processes
• Recommendations by therapists, financial planners, and former clients

Equitable Mediation Services operates in:

• California: San Francisco, San Diego, Los Angeles
• New Jersey: Bridgewater, Morristown, Short Hills
• Washington: Seattle, Bellevue, Kirkland
• New York: NYC, Long Island
• Illinois: Chicago, North Shore
• Pennsylvania: Philadelphia, Bucks County, Montgomery County, Pittsburgh, Allegheny County

Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn if you’re a good candidate for divorce mediation with Joe and Cheryl.

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For anyone going through a divorce one of the biggest questions on their mind is “Who gets what in a divorce?” While lawyers might push their clients toward courtroom battles, where judges can impose decisions that don’t work well for either spouse, there is a better way: divorce mediation.

Let’s explore how equitable distribution applies to your situation and why mediation helps you achieve the fairest outcome.

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What is equitable distribution in divorce?

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Equitable distribution means dividing up everything you and your spouse own together – but here’s the key: “equitable” means fair, but not necessarily divided equally. Unless you live in a community property state (like California or Washington), equitable distribution applies to your divorce.

If you live in an equitable distribution state like Illinois, New Jersey, New York, or Pennsylvania, you can mediate with us, and you and your spouse can work together to decide what’s truly fair. Rather than having the court aim to divide everything according to rigid rules, or lawyers imposing their idea of fair on you and your spouse.

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Understanding what’s yours, mine, and ours

Before diving into property division, you need to understand how property obtained during marriage gets categorized. A skilled mediator like me can help you and your spouse have productive conversations about which property should be considered marital and which should be separate.

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Marital property = “ours”

Marital or shared property can include items you and/or your spouse acquired during your marriage such as:

• Your marital home or a rental property.
• Cars either of you bought during marriage.
• Money you saved or bank accounts you opened.
• Furniture you bought together.
• Retirement plans and deferred compensation from work earned while together.
• Or any other property acquired through your joint efforts.

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Separate property = “yours or mine”

Separate property is considered things owned by one party before marriage or inherited during marriage. So your spouse’s separate property usually stays with them, just like your separate property stays with you, as such property is not subject to equitable distribution.

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    <div class="title">Eight moves, one fair resolution</div>
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      <p>Richard Switzer (57) and Annie Switzer (58) had a 32-year marriage with no children. Richard earned $315,000 plus bonuses as an HR Director for a Chicago financial services firm, while Annie, who had an accounting degree, managed their home life.</p>
      <p>During their marriage, Annie moved eight times for Richard's promotions. Before their final move, she made one request – she would relocate only if she could choose their house in Wilmette, Illinois.</p>
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        <p> <span class="head-des"> Joe Dillon</span> <span class="sep">|</span> <span class="sub-des">Divorce Mediator & Founder</span></p>
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      <p>Since James had focused on the children, he hadn't built up any retirement savings of his own during their marriage.</p>
	  <p>In their divorce settlement, they decided James would receive 60% of the current value of Linda's 401(k) and pension, while she kept 40%. With the additional contributions Linda would receive from her employer post-divorce (that James would not) they would each have similar savings upon retirement.</p>
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      <p style="text-align: left;">Ed and Ellie had very different dreams for their future – Ed loved his work and wanted to continue forever, while Ellie longed to leave NYC and travel the world.</p>
	  <p>In their agreement, Ed kept their $3,250,000 SoHo residence and $500,000 of his 401(k), while Ellie received $2,750,000 in 401(k) funds. This allowed Ed to stay in NYC to work, while Ellie could become the world traveler she'd always dreamed of being.</p>
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How Equitable Distribution Works in Real Life

When the courts divide marital property, they decide what’s fair. Mediation allows you and your spouse to consider what really matters to both of you when determining equitable distribution, including:

• How long you’ve been married.
• Each spouse’s future financial needs.
• How much money each person makes.
• Your individual circumstances.
• What each person needs to start their new life.
• Whether someone needs training to get a job.
• Their proximity to retirement.
• And any other factor the two of you think is relevant.

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Why a fair division of marital assets doesn’t always mean equal

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Here’s a simple example that shows why equitable distribution means something different from just splitting everything 50-50, and why working with a neutral third-party mediator helps you find truly fair solutions.

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Common challenges when dividing property

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If you had a prenuptial agreement that outlines how the equitable distribution of your marital property was to take place in case you got divorced, it can make the task of assets division a bit easier. But without a prenup, your divorce or separation agreement needs to address a variety of complex property division issues that can often be overwhelming to tackle alone.

This is where having a skilled mediator to guide you step by step through the process of dividing your marital property is critical.

Let’s look at some common situations I encounter when working with clients, where reaching an equitable division of property can be difficult, and where mediation can make a huge difference.

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Pre-marital home ownership

Say you owned a house for 5 years before marriage, but then your spouse moved in with you, and while together, you both paid the mortgage and fixed it up. Since you owned the home prior to getting married, you might think the house in a non-marital asset, while your spouse, who contributed to the mortgage and upkeep, thinks it should be included as one of your marital assets!

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Retirement accounts

What if you and your spouse brought separate 401(k)s into marriage, kept contributing to them for 5 years while married, and then one of you stepped back from work to raise children, while the other continued to invest? What portions of each of your accounts are marital versus separate property? Or is it all marital property? And how do you handle the tax consequences when these accounts are eventually withdrawn?

When one spouse’s retirement account has grown substantially larger during marriage, you might assume splitting it equally is fair – but is it? Should you consider factors like career sacrifices, pre-marriage contributions, or future tax implications? In cases like these, what’s an “equitable” distribution of marital property is really difficult to determine!

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Business owners

Or maybe one of you owned a small business that grew bigger during your marriage. Is the entirety of your business interest considered marital property? Is just the growth considered a marital asset, while the income and property currently owned by the business are considered separate assets? Or is the business considered to be comprised of only separate property assets, with nothing counting as marital?

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How mediation can help

Think of dividing assets in a divorce like solving a puzzle – there’s rarely a simple “split everything down the middle” solution that feels right for both people. That’s where an expert mediator like me comes in as your guide and helper. Instead of telling you what to do, I’ll help you and your spouse have productive conversations about what matters most to each of you, and help you explore all kinds of creative possibilities, to find an arrangement that genuinely feels fair for your unique situation and future needs.

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Dealing with marital debts

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While everyone likes talking about dividing assets acquired, equitable distribution also means fairly dividing debts acquired. When working through mediation, we will help you find balanced ways to handle:

• Credit card balances.
• Car loans.
• The house mortgage.
• Student loans acquired during marriage.
• Personal loans received from friends or family member.
• And any other debt you believe to be marital.

A mediator helps you look at how the debts accumulated and the money was spent, and find fair ways for both of you to share responsibility for your marital debts.

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Getting to a fair agreement through mediation

[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”list-ul-style” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]In court, lawyers argue your positions before a judge, who then imposes a decision based on standard legal formulas and precedents. It’s expensive, time-consuming, and often leaves both parties feeling unheard and dissatisfied. Your future gets decided by someone who has never met your children, visited your home, or understood the unique dynamics of your family.

Mediation takes a fundamentally different approach. Instead of positioning you as adversaries, mediation helps you work together as problem-solvers. You’ll save significant money on legal fees, but the benefits go far beyond cost savings. The process preserves relationships – especially important when you have children and need to co-parent effectively in the future.[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

Don’t go it alone!

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While divorce can feel overwhelming, you don’t have to navigate property division alone. Through mediation, I’ve helped countless couples find creative solutions that work for their unique situations. Rather than letting a court impose their rules and decisions, let me help you maintain control over your future and reach agreements that truly serve both you and your family.

Because at the end of the day equitable doesn’t mean equal—it means finding solutions that feel fair to both of you and set you up for success in your next chapter.

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Take your first step towards a peaceful divorce

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As a parent getting a New York divorce, your children are bound to be your number one concern. And they should be. You love your kids and want the world for them. So now that you’re facing divorce, how do you make sure they get the financial support they need to live healthy and happy lives?

That’s where child support comes in.

But there’s a lot more to child support in New York than you might think.

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What is the purpose of child support? And how is child support calculated in NY?

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You might think the purpose of child support is to ensure that the financial needs of your children are being met by you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse.

But it’s important to understand that child support is about more than just money.

While it’s true that child support is designed to ensure your children’s financial well-being, that’s only half of it. Divorce is hard on your children. And the conflict and stress can take a toll on them. Soon you’ll no longer be husband and wife, but you’ll always be mom and dad.

Child support also shows your kids you still love them and care about their well-being, too.

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There are a few things you need to know about the challenges of determining child support in NY state:

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• While there is a child support guideline, it’s not as comprehensive as it should be, it doesn’t include all the expenses required to raise a child, and it isn’t applicable in all situations.
• Over the past two years, parents in New York have seen the consumer price index rise 14%, making the cost of raising children, in an already high cost-of-living area, even that much more difficult.
• With mortgage interest rates continuing to remain unaffordable for most divorcing couples, combined with New York’s notoriously high real estate prices and property taxes, establishing two separate post-divorce households may require “creative financial cooperation” between divorcing parents.
• This topic has less to do with family law and more to do with money, negotiation, and doing what’s best for your kids.
• There is more than meets the eye on this issue and in the majority of cases, this subject is much too complex for you to try to resolve on your own.

That’s why you will get the best result by mediating with us.

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The child support guideline in New York is not as comprehensive as it should be.

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The federal government requires all 50 states to have a systematic way by which to determine a basic child support obligation. So every state including New York has a child support guideline. But the way child support is determined varies from state to state.

Some states use a simple percentage-based formula. You’d simply take a share of the supporting party’s income and give it to the other party and you’re done. While other states are more comprehensive and attempt to factor in things like both of your incomes, the ages of your children, the number of overnights they spend with each of you, which one of you pays for their health insurance, who takes them as a tax deduction, and more.

But in New York, things work a bit differently.

Determining child support in New York is a very tricky proposition.

Let’s take a closer look at how child support is calculated in New York as the NY child support model doesn’t fit cleanly into either of the models described above. To begin, the guideline would calculate what each of your net incomes is. Well, it’s not really your net income, but rather, what the State of New York calls your net income.

I’m no CPA or accounting professional mind you, but the state of New York’s definition of net income doesn’t reduce your gross income by Federal taxes paid. Which last time I checked, that’s how most people do it… But not NY, I guess?

So once you have all that net income business all figured out, you now apply a percentage to the number you came up with in step one based on the number of children you’re trying to provide child support for.

The New York child support calculator percentages are as follows:

• 17% for one child;
• 25% for two children;
• 29% for three children;
• 31% for four children; and
• No less than 35% for five or more children.

Assuming you can do some basic math, it seems that all you’d have to do is multiply the percentage in the table above with the net income number you came up with in step one and you’d be all set.

Right? I hate to break it to you, but it’s not that simple. Not even close. You see, the percentages shown above are only applied to the first $183,000 of combined net income (that is net income as defined by the State of New York’s standard in 2024) as that’s what the cap on the guideline says to do.

So what do you do if your incomes are above $183,000?” Well, that’s where things get even trickier.

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Dealing with the NY child support cap

If you and your spouse do earn more than $183,000 per year in “net” income, one of two things could happen if you were to find yourselves in court.

The courts could either:

• Use the formula we discussed above, applying the same percentage to your incomes that exceed $183,000 as was applied to your income that was below $183,000;
• Use their own formula and randomly decide how much additional child support there will be; or
• Not award any additional child support.

It’s truly anybody’s guess.

Whether or not there will be additional child support will be predicated on the following factors:

• How much money you and your spouse have as well as how much money your children have;
• Your children’s health from both a physical and emotional standpoint;
• If your children have any special needs or show any special abilities that may require additional financial support;
• What your children’s lives would have looked like were you and your spouse not to divorce;
• The taxes you each pay;
• Other contributions that are not financial in nature that each of you will make to your children;
• If either of you wants to go to school and further your education;
• If there’s a large disparity in your incomes; and
• If there are any other children from a previous relationship that either of you is supporting.

You’ll notice most of these factors aren’t even financial in nature so how the courts will apply them is a mystery.

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A lot is left out of the NYS child support guidelines.

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So far, you’ve learned the NY child support guidelines attempt to provide you with an amount of financial support needed to raise your children.

But even when you run the guidelines and go through all the steps mentioned above, there are still many other expenses that aren’t included in the basic child support amount.

In New York, there’s also something called “add-on child support.” This is in addition to your regular child support and child support on any income above the upper-income threshold.

These add-on expenses may include:

• Child care costs;
• Medical insurance premiums;
• Unreimbursed medical expenses; and
• Educational expenses; and
• Non-recurring payments from extraordinary sources.

What the heck are non-recurring payments from extraordinary sources?

Good question! Non-recurring payments from extraordinary sources are expenses that you as parents incur but don’t fall neatly into any of the expenses explicitly mentioned above. Examples of non-recurring payments from extraordinary sources may include:

• Guitar lessons;
• Gymnastics;
• Sleepaway camps;
• Tablets and smartphones;
• Prom dresses and tuxedos;
• Auto insurance;
• And lots more!

All of these items must be negotiated at the time of your divorce as there is no formulaic way to determine them.

Starting to see why determining child support is not as simple as using some free calculator you may have found on the Internet?

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There are other exclusions to child support in New York.

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In addition to the regular and add-on expenses associated with having a child, you and your spouse will also need to discuss and come to an agreement on:

• Who deducts the children on their taxes;
• Whether you have enough life insurance to cover the children’s expenses now and when they go off to college;
• How college will be paid for;
• The duration of child support payments in New York (because for some children, it may extend beyond the normal age of emancipation.)

Making the list of what isn’t addressed by the NY child support guidelines longer and longer!

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The New York child support guidelines aren’t applicable in all situations.

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For the NY child support guideline to be applied as-is, you and your spouse’s incomes must be predictable from month to month and year to year. So if one or both of you earn more of your compensation from bonuses, commissions, or stock options, the guidelines simply won’t work.

And as you learned, there’s an income cap of $183,000 in the 2024 guidelines.

Meaning if you and your spouse collectively earn more than that in a calendar year (and to live in New York City, chances are you do,) the guidelines won’t work “as-is.”

And you’ll have no choice in your case but to skip the guidelines and negotiate instead.

Which is not always so easy to do.

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When the law gets involved, it’s a problem.

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There’s something you need to understand here: In a litigated divorce, a judge determines child support payment in family court.

Sounds scary, doesn’t it?

Because they’ll dictate child support by court order and both spouses might wind up with something they don’t think is fair or that doesn’t appropriately meet the needs of their children.

That’s why it’s better to negotiate this issue out of family court and that’s exactly what mediation is all about.

In mediation, you get to decide as parents – and come to an agreement that puts your children first and you both agree is fair – out of New York court – instead of letting your future be decided by a stranger.

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You’ll get the best child support result by mediating with us.

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Child support issues will vary based on your situation and circumstances of your case. And as you’ve learned, there is more than meets the eye on this topic. So don’t risk putting your children’s financial future in jeopardy by trying to resolve child support payments on your own or with divorce attorneys in court.

Use divorce mediation and work with us instead!

Using our extensive financial expertise, we’ll help you and your spouse determine a child support number that accurately reflects your lives as parents and takes into account the specialized needs of your children.

One that covers all regular, add-on, and future expenses.

We’ll:

• Talk about who your children are, what they like to do, and what it will take to make sure they’re getting what they need and deserve. Not just what the formula says you have to pay so they can “get by.”
• Work through specialized cases like child support in which you share in the care of your children equally or almost equally because the time the children spend with each of you isn’t explicitly factored into the New York child support guideline.
• Help you negotiate any issues of disagreement and create an agreement you both find fair and equitable as parents regarding the support of your children.
• Make sure you and your spouse not only come to an agreement that you both find to be fair, but also one that minimizes tax issues, avoids penalties, and improves cash flow whenever possible in your case.

Because no two situations are alike.

Your children are unique and your child support agreement should reflect that, too.

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Take your first step towards a peaceful divorce

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border_radius_bottom_right=”30px” border_radius_bottom_left=”30px” border_hover_color=”var(–awb-color5)” border_color=”var(–awb-color5)” size=”large” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” fusion_font_family_button_font=”Poppins” fusion_font_variant_button_font=”700″ font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” stretch=”default” margin_top=”22px” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” icon=”” hover_icon=”” icon_position=”left” icon_divider=”no” hover_transition=”none” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=””]Get Started[/fusion_button][/fusion_builder_column_inner][/fusion_builder_row_inner][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container type=”flex” hundred_percent=”no” hundred_percent_height=”no” hundred_percent_height_scroll=”no” align_content=”stretch” flex_align_items=”flex-start” 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last=”true” border_position=”all” first=”true” min_height=”” link=””][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ title_link=”off” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ font_size=”38px” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_overflow=”none” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”60px” gradient_font=”no” 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While some states have court-ordered mediation programs, in New York, mediation offered through the court is typically limited to issues of custody and decision-making responsibility. On the other hand, private mediation is not strictly limited to matters of custody and decision-making responsibility.

So in NYC, divorce mediation is primarily conducted outside of a courtroom by using a private divorce mediation service like ours – typically before filing for divorce. When working with us, we’ll help you and your spouse identify, discuss, negotiate, and resolve all of the necessary issues, privately, confidentially, and without the involvement of divorce lawyers (if you so choose).

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What is the NY divorce mediation process?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the divorce mediation process once you become our client:

Your mediation begins with a one-hour strategy session.

In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you both prepare for mediation by:

• Developing a framework for your negotiations;
• Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
• Defining your goals for the divorce mediation process;
• Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
• And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.

This part of the mediation process is intended to help you, and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.

Once you’ve submitted to us the required pre-work and discovery items, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.

Joe will meet with you and your spouse online and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions are determined by the two of you and Joe. Depending greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.

If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to help you negotiate and reach agreement during the mediation on these topics.

Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.

Upon completion of mediation, you will be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective divorce mediation lawyers, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.

Once you both agree the MOU looks good, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, and budgets, along with a host of other related NYC court paperwork. It’s important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional to use to have your divorce submitted to the court with.

Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce (decree) will be granted by a judge.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What is the role of a NYC mediator?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

The role of the mediator is to serve as a neutral third party who helps couples navigate their divorce process in a constructive and cooperative way. The mediator facilitates discussion between spouses, ensuring both parties have the opportunity to express their needs and concerns in a safe, balanced environment.

Through structured sessions, the mediator can help them reach mutually acceptable agreements on issues like property division, support, and parenting arrangements. While mediators don’t make decisions for the couple or provide legal advice, the mediator assists the parties in decision making by presenting options and helping them explore potential solutions.

Additionally, the mediator can provide referrals to other professionals, such as attorneys, financial advisors, or therapists / counselors, when specialized expertise is needed. Mediation encourages couples to work toward fair, workable agreements, that are in their mutual best interest, while minimizing conflict and preserving their ability to communicate effectively.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Do I also need a divorce attorney in New York if I am using divorce mediation?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Lawyers are not required for a divorce. Some individuals choose to speak with a divorce lawyer during or after mediation to get legal advice. However, others specifically choose to NOT involve attorneys in their divorce. This is your divorce, so if you’d like to get an attorney’s viewpoint on a particular issue(s), you are encouraged to do so.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What’s the difference between divorce mediation and traditional divorce lawyers?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

There is a lot to know about divorce mediation, and how it compares to other dispute resolution methods. This post will help you understand in more detail the differences between mediators vs lawyers for divorce. And this post covers the differences between mediation and collaborative divorce (also referred to as collaborative law process).

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”When should a couple choose mediation? And when should they not?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While there are many reasons why couples getting divorced should mediate, these are the three most common.

They want control over the outcome. As the mediator does not make decisions for the couples he works with, spouses are in the best position to reach a mutually agreeable settlement on their terms.

They want to remain amicable. As mediation is based on mutual respect and constructive dialog, mediation helps keep the tenor of negotiations peaceful, leading to less animosity between divorcing spouses. Which is especially important if minor children are involved, and they will be interacting as co-parents in the future.

They want to save money. While estimates vary, the average Manhattan divorce lawyer’s retainer in 2024 was $10,000 per person. And as I’m sure you can guess the retainer is not all you’ll pay. Mediation is a fraction of that.

Although mediation can help most couples, it may not be appropriate in all situations. Mediation requires both parties to participate in good faith and be willing to compromise. Cases involving domestic violence, severe power imbalances, or inability to communicate effectively might be better suited for other divorce methods.

During our initial meeting, we can help assess whether mediation is the best path forward for your specific situation.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What are the main benefits of mediation?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While there are many benefits of mediating your divorce, here are the most common ones cited by our client couples.

First, mediation can make a challenging time significantly easier to navigate as when working with us, our proven process will keep your negotiations productive, conversations respectful, and your outcome fair and equitable.

Second, instead of having lawyers or a judge decide your future, you and your spouse stay in control of the important decisions that will affect your lives.

And third, everything discussed stays confidential in a mediated divorce, giving you a safe, private space to work through sensitive topics. The mediation process encourages both of you to communicate openly, which often leads to solutions that genuinely work for everyone involved.

That’s really what, in our opinion, sets mediation apart – it focuses on finding mutually beneficial arrangements that respect both of your needs and priorities. By working together instead of against each other, you can create agreements that benefit your whole family and help maintain important relationships for the road ahead, especially if you’re co-parenting.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What if we don’t reach agreement in mediation? Is litigation our next step?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While we’ve helped couples reach an agreement 98% of the time, even the most effective mediation may not always result in a mutually agreeable outcome to both parties.

When that happens, the next step in the divorce process is not necessarily litigation. Depending on the level of impasse between the parties, the mediator may ask each spouse to consult with an attorney and return with what they’ve learned. Or if the spouses are not being cooperative, refer to them to attorneys trained in the collaborative law process and they would work any remaining disagreements there.

The good news is any progress made in mediation is not lost and can still be used moving forward.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How can I convince my spouse to mediate?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Divorce mediation is a voluntary process. So while we always hope couples choose to mediate their separation or divorce, in our experience, there’s usually one spouse who is familiar with mediation, and one who is not. To help your spouse, we encourage you to direct them to our comprehensive options for divorce guide and encourage them to learn more about the benefits of choosing mediation.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”After we’re done working with you, will you draft a mediation agreement?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Yes. The mediation agreement is known as a Memorandum of Understanding (or MOU for short) and contains all of the agreements reached by a couple in mediation.

Depending on the mediator you work with, you mediation agreement may simply be an outline which will need to be rewritten by attorneys.

When working with us, you’ll receive a comprehensive and highly-detailed written agreement outlining in great detail all agreements you and your spouse reached in mediation, without the need for it to be rewritten.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Can mediation really work in a Manhattan divorce?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While we can’t speak for all NYC mediators, for couples who choose to work with us, the answer is a decisive yes. There is no divorce in New York that is too complicated for us to handle. Given our proficiency working with couples divorcing after 20 years of marriage or more, gray divorces, cases involving children with special needs, divorces with a business involved, cases involving variable, deferred and complicated compensation issues, and high net worth divorces, most cases we handle have a great deal of complexities.

Read case studies and learn more about who we help.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Can mediation help us reach a separation agreement?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Yes. Mediation isn’t only used exclusively by divorcing couples. It is also commonly used by couples who wish to negotiate and outline the terms of the separation and aren’t yet ready to pursue their final divorce. In mediation, the goal is to reach mutually beneficial outcomes, no matter whether a couple is divorcing or separating.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”My ex and I need to renegotiate parts of our divorce judgement. Can you help with post-divorce issues?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While some mediators work with couples who are both married as well as those already divorced, at Equitable Mediation, we only conduct post-divorce mediation for our former clients (couples who worked with us when they first got divorced.)

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”We’ve got everything figured out. Will you just write up our divorce papers?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

No. As we have no idea if your agreement is fair and equitable, or follows the process required for a New York divorce, we would not be comfortable doing so. Nor can we review your divorce settlement as we are not attorneys, and are not permitted to give advice.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What makes your New York divorce mediation services unique?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

With an MBA in Finance, our mediator Joe brings real financial expertise to the table, helping you navigate everything from asset division to support arrangements with confidence. And since divorces can easily get off track if you’re not careful, we’ve crafted a process that actually keeps negotiations moving forward productively, even when things feel challenging.

But we also know that divorce isn’t just about the process or numbers – it’s an emotional journey. That’s why we offer divorce coaching to support you every step of the way. And because everyone moves at their own pace, we offer unlimited sessions for one customized flat fee. No rushing, no watching the clock – just the time you need to reach lasting agreements.

Visit our Why Choose Us page to get the full picture of what we believe makes our mediation services unique.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Anything else I should know about divorce mediation?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

If you still have questions, please visit our Learning Center.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Do we need to come to your office for mediation sessions?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

There’s no need to travel to an office for our sessions. We’ve been conducting divorce mediation services remotely since 2011, allowing us to serve couples throughout the New York City metropolitan area from the comfort of their own homes or offices.

We’ve helped client couples in Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, New Rochelle, Mount Vernon, White Plains, Hempstead, Valley Stream, Glen Cove, Freeport, Port Washington, Great Neck, Rye, New Hyde Park, Garden City, Floral Park, Mineola, Westbury, East Rockaway, Lynbrook, Baldwin, Rockville Centre, Ossining, Tarrytown, Dobbs Ferry, Nyack, Huntington, Babylon, Islip, Port Jefferson, Patchogue, Stony Brook, Montauk, Southampton, East Hampton, Oyster Bay, Massapequa, Spring Valley, Suffern, and Mount Kisco.

Our virtual approach provides maximum convenience while ensuring the same professional, confidential service you would receive in person.

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Why Trust Equitable Mediation

Equitable Mediation Services is a trusted and nationally recognized provider of divorce mediation, serving couples exclusively in California, New Jersey, Washington, New York, Illinois, and Pennsylvania. Founded in 2008, this husband-and-wife team has successfully guided over 1,000 couples through the complex divorce process, helping them reach amicable, fair, and thorough agreements that balance each party’s interests and prioritize their children’s well-being. All without involving attorneys if they so choose.

At the heart of Equitable Mediation are Joe Dillon, MBA, and Cheryl Dillon, CPC—two compassionate, experienced professionals committed to helping couples resolve the financial, emotional, and practical issues of divorce peacefully and with dignity.

Joe Dillon, MBA – Divorce Mediator & Financial Expert

As a seasoned Divorce Mediator with an MBA in Finance, Joe Dillon specializes in helping clients navigate complex parental and financial issues, including:

• Physical and legal custody
• Spousal support (alimony) and child support
• Equitable distribution and community property division
• Business ownership
• Retirement accounts, stock options, and RSUs

Joe’s unique blend of financial acumen, mediation expertise, and personal insight enables him to skillfully guide couples through complex divorce negotiations, reaching fair agreements that safeguard the family’s emotional and financial well-being.

He brings clarity and structure to even the most challenging negotiations, ensuring both parties feel heard, supported, and in control of their outcome. This approach has earned him a reputation as one of the most trusted names in alternative dispute resolution.

Cheryl Dillon, CPC – Certified Divorce Coach & Client Advocate

Cheryl Dillon is a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) and the Divorce Coach at Equitable Mediation. She earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology and completed formal training at The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) – an internationally recognized leader in the field of coaching education.

Her unique blend of emotional intelligence, coaching expertise, and personal insight enables her to guide individuals through the emotional complexities of divorce compassionately.

Cheryl’s approach fosters improved communication, reduced conflict, and better decision-making, equipping clients to manage the challenges of divorce effectively. Emotions have a profound impact on shaping the divorce process, its outcomes, and the future well-being of all involved.

What We Offer: Flat-Fee, Full-Service Divorce Mediation

Equitable Mediation provides:

• Full-service divorce mediation with real financial expertise
• Convenient, online sessions via Zoom
• Unlimited sessions for one customized flat fee (no hourly billing surprises)
• Child custody and parenting plan negotiation
• Spousal support and asset division mediation
• Divorce coaching and emotional support
• Free and paid educational courses on the divorce process

Whether clients are facing financial complexities, looking to safeguard their children’s futures, or trying to protect everything they’ve worked hard to build, Equitable Mediation has the expertise to guide them towards the outcomes that matter most to them and their families.

Why Couples Choose Equitable Mediation

• 98% case resolution rate
• Trusted by over 1,000 families since 2008
• Subject-matter experts in the states in which they practice
• Known for confidential, respectful, and cost-effective processes
• Recommendations by therapists, financial planners, and former clients

Equitable Mediation Services operates in:

• California: San Francisco, San Diego, Los Angeles
• New Jersey: Bridgewater, Morristown, Short Hills
• Washington: Seattle, Bellevue, Kirkland
• New York: NYC, Long Island
• Illinois: Chicago, North Shore
• Pennsylvania: Philadelphia, Bucks County, Montgomery County, Pittsburgh, Allegheny County

Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn if you’re a good candidate for divorce mediation with Joe and Cheryl.

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Going through a divorce is challenging enough. But when children are involved, the complexity and emotional stakes increase significantly. Creating a parenting plan—a detailed roadmap for how you’ll co-parent after divorce—might feel overwhelming at first, but it’s one of the most important steps you can take to provide stability for your children during this transition.

While every family’s situation is unique, understanding the key elements of a comprehensive parenting plan can help you navigate this process more confidently and – when working with your chosen divorce professional – create an arrangement that truly serves your children’s best interests.

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What is a parenting plan?

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A parenting plan outlines how you and your former spouse will effectively co-parent, sharing responsibilities for your child’s care and upbringing after the divorce is finalized.

A parenting plan is required in all divorce actions involving minor children. Yes, even if you have teenagers…

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What to include in a parenting plan for divorce

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While every co parenting plan is unique as your child / children, there are a number of areas each must cover.

Physical custody: How will you divide the children’s time between parents?

This includes:

• Weekday and weekend arrangements
• Holiday and vacation periods
• School breaks (summer, winter, spring)
• Special occasions (birthdays, Mother’s/Father’s Day)
• Unexpected events (snow days, sick days)

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Legal custody: decision-making responsibilities for the kids

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Who can make major decisions on issues such as a child’s health care and treatment, education, or relocation / out-of-state moves This is especially important for children with special needs.

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Issues related to children’s well-being

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Things like private versus public schooling, extracurricular activities, child care, religion and overnight guests, to name a few.

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Transportation issues

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Things like who will be responsible for driving the child / children from house to house for parenting time, or what happens if one divorcing parent moves far from the other parent?

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How to resolve disagreements

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There may be times when one parent asks the other parent for permission to do something, or pay for something, and they disagree. What happens then?

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Exceptions to parenting agreements:

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• What happens if one parent has to travel for work during “regular” parenting time?
• What happens if one parent wants to switch a holiday or weekend?
• Or wants to take the kids out of the country for an extended period of time on vacation?

All of these things (and more) must be included in a comprehensive parenting plan.

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The challenges of creating a divorce parenting plan:

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• There are very few guidelines that outline explicitly how to make a parenting plan and determine how much time the children should spend with each parent.
• When it comes to parenting plans, there is more than meets the eye and in the majority of cases, this subject is too complex to try to resolve on your own.
• This topic has very little to do with rules or formulas, and more to do with parental responsibility, good co-parenting and negotiation.

You’ll get the best parenting plan agreement by negotiating – preferably with the help of a qualified professional – rather than using some parenting plan tool, or parenting plan form you found on the court’s website.

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There are very few guidelines that explicitly outline how to create a parenting plan.

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There are also no “cookie cutter” formulas for how to create a parenting plan that will work best for your children and family.

And even if you and your spouse think you have your parenting plan all figured out, in reality, you may have left a lot out because you simply “don’t know what you don’t know.”

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To illustrate just how much detail needs to go into sound parenting agreements, take this example regarding the Christmas holiday:

Mark and Lisa are divorcing and have two children, ages 6 and 4. Throughout all the years they’ve been married, they traditionally celebrated Christmas Eve with Mark’s family and Christmas Day with Lisa’s family. They decided that after the divorce, Mark will get the kids every Christmas Eve and Lisa will get them every Christmas Day.

But many parents of young children believe that one of the joys of the Christmas holiday is the morning of December 25th when their kids wake up excitedly to see what Santa brought them. Given that Mark has the kids Christmas Eve and Lisa Christmas Day, where do the kids wake up on Christmas morning?

The kids’ bedtime is 7pm. So Mark feels they should sleep over at his house and he’ll bring them to Lisa’s place after breakfast on Christmas Day. But Lisa feels that since Christmas Day is her day with the kids, they should wake up at her house.

More details are needed in order to avoid problems. And there’s no family law that states when Christmas Day begins.

“We’ll just figure it out as we go.”

Some couples maintain an amicable relationship regarding parenting. While this benefits their children, it can unexpectedly complicate the process of creating a comprehensive parenting plan.

Despite their impending divorce, Jeff and Amy maintain an effective co-parenting relationship. Confident in their ability to cooperate, they believe a detailed parenting schedule is unnecessary. Their approach relies on addressing childcare matters as they arise, rather than planning in advance. But unfortunately, parenting plans are about much more than just what’s happening in the here and now.

The best parenting plans need to address not only issues faced today, but also the issues divorced parents will encounter and raise in the future. Along with many other issues they might not even be aware of at the present time.

If you leave everything open, you’re going to have a lot of problems in the future.

It’s now three years after Jeff and Amy’s divorce. Initially, their co-parenting arrangement remained smooth. However, the dynamics shifted when Amy began a serious relationship with Rob. The children have grown fond of him, complicating matters further.

Rob proposes a Thanksgiving trip to Texas, where his family resides. The plan involves Amy and the children flying out Wednesday and returning Sunday. This prospect stirs unease in Jeff, who feels threatened by Amy’s evolving family situation.

Their vague parenting agreement, established during more amicable times, now proves problematic. Jeff believes he can veto the trip, citing his right to spend Thanksgiving with his children. Amy, conversely, sees no explicit prohibition in their arrangement.

Caught in this parental tug-of-war are the children, unwitting victims of their parents’ oversight in crafting a detailed custody agreement.

As you can see, determining how to create a comprehensive parenting plan isn’t always easy to figure out, let alone agree upon.

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Child support can also be affected.

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In a divorce, no issue is resolved in a vacuum. And parenting plans are no different.

Here in the United States, 47 of the 50 states factor in time sharing into the calculation of child support. Some do it explicitly like California, Illinois, and New Jersey. While others like Washington State consider it, even though it’s not that obvious when calculating the child support guidelines.

So when determining your physical custody schedule, keep in mind if one of you has a majority of the parenting time, chances are, you’ll be the one receiving financial support for the kids.

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When it comes to parenting plans, there is more than meets the eye.

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Since no two couples, divorces or parenting situations are the same, there is no “one-size-fits-all” approach to fairly resolving parenting arrangements. And as you’ve been learning, less is not more when it comes to creating a sound co parenting plan.

A lot of parental conflict can be caused by leaving even the smallest detail undiscussed or undocumented. And coming to agreement on what each spouse thinks is fair and what’s best for the children can be quite tricky.

These are just some of the reasons that make parenting plans much too difficult to try to resolve on your own.

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When the law gets involved with resolving child custody, it’s a problem.

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When divorce lawyers fail to negotiate a child custody agreement, the matter escalates to family court. There, a judge—bound by limited guidelines—will determine your children’s future using the vague “child’s best interest” standard.

Consider this: Are you comfortable entrusting a stranger with decisions that profoundly impact your children’s lives? What if the resulting court order feels unfair to both parties or fails to truly serve your children’s needs?

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A better alternative exists: Divorce mediation.

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By choosing mediation, you maintain control over the decision making authority for these crucial decisions rather than delegating them to a stranger.

Mediation enables you to have a child-focused divorce.

This process empowers you as parents to:

1. Negotiate custody arrangements directly;
2. Prioritize your children’s needs;
3. Craft a future that reflects your family’s unique dynamics.

This sets a good foundation for co-parenting. And fosters agreement in other areas such as child support, alimony and property division.

Divorce with kids has many challenges. But one of them doesn’t have to be creating your parenting plan agreement.

You may no longer be husband and wife, but you’ll always be parents!

[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_global id=”4115″][fusion_global id=”2082″]

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Your marriage is ending and the same fears keep rushing through your head:

• The house: “Will I have enough money to keep it?”
• The bills: “How will I be able to pay them?”
• Health insurance: “Will I be able to get coverage?”
• Retirement: “Will there be any money left to save for the future?”

In divorce, all of these fears are normal and have something in common: Money. When it comes to money and divorce, there’s one issue that’s more emotional, controversial and challenging for spouses to resolve than any other. Whether you call it alimony or divorce maintenance, coming to agreement on a matter that will require an ex-husband or wife to give money to the other ex-spouse to support their future lifestyle after the marriage is challenging, to say the least.

And the topic of alimony in Illinois is a complicated one.

* Note: For the purposes of this article, the terms alimony, maintenance, divorce maintenance and spousal support are used interchangeably.

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Divorce maintenance in Illinois: What’s the purpose?

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Alimony/maintenance is one of four topics that are discussed and agreed upon in mediation along with:

• Parenting plans
• Child support
• And Equitable distribution (the distribution of your marital assets and liabilities)

Spousal maintenance is strictly based on need and is gender-neutral, meaning that both women and men can be eligible to receive payments. The purpose of alimony is not to unfairly reward one spouse or punish the other. Instead, the idea is to allow the two ex-spouses to live somewhat similarly for a period of time after the marriage ends.

Maintenance is meant to assist the lower-earning spouse as they transition from married to single life. Giving them some time to get back on their feet and become self-supporting after the dissolution of a marriage.

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There are a few things you need to understand about the challenges of determining spousal support Illinois:

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• While state legislation offers practitioners a formula, in our extensive experience, more clients choose to deviate from the guideline, than follow it;
• While inflation has returned to more manageable levels, the cost-of-living remains stubbornly high and shows no signs of abating, which in turn, significantly impacts a couple’s ability to afford their separate post-marital lifestyles – regardless of how much maintenance is being paid or received;
• The Tax Cuts and Jobs Act (TCJA) eliminated the deduction of alimony payments for payors, and recipients are no longer required to report payments as taxable income on their federal returns, but still may do so on their Illinois state returns, further complicating their post-divorce tax picture;
• While on the surface, it might appear as if this tax change benefits the recipient and hurts the payor, it actually negatively impacts both parties;
• This topic has more to do with money and negotiation and less to do with laws;
• There is more than meets the eye on this issue and this matter is too difficult (and emotionally charged) to try to resolve on your own.

That’s why you’ll get the best outcome by mediating with us.

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The Illinois maintenance calculator how it works

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One way maintenance in Illinois may be determined is by using a guideline calculator. Provided they meet the requirements to use it, the guideline can help Illinois couples avoid the endless battles often associated with the topic. And minimize potential differences in maintenance settlement amounts between similar couples. Under the guideline formula a maintenance award would equal 33 1/3 percent of the payer’s net income minus 25 percent of the payee’s net income. This amount cannot exceed 40 percent of the parties’ combined net income when added to the payee’s net income.

In addition to the amount, the formula provides Illinois couples a duration for how long maintenance should last and varies depending on how long the couple’s marriage lasted. For example, if the marriage lasted 5 years, maintenance payments would last one year and two months. But if the couple has been married for 20 years, it may last 20 years or be permanent. There are also a wide variety of other permutations in between.

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The Illinois maintenance formula has created new problems.

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Unfortunately, the alimony guideline calculator has significant limitations. There are also several instances in which the formula or its calculated amount cannot be used.

Such as:

• When the calculated result for spousal maintenance exceeds the 40% threshold;
• When a couple’s income exceeds a certain income threshold;
• If the paying party receives a bonus which is based on a factor that can’t be predicted, such as with company performance;
• If the paying party has variable income the way a salesperson on commissions would;
• If the paying party has recently received a significant raise or promotion;
• If the paying party is compensated in a non-traditional way like receiving stocks or options.

In all of these cases, the formula won’t work.

So you and your husband or wife will have no other choice but to negotiate this issue. Which is very difficult to do, given the very nature of divorce.

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There are also issues when it comes to how long alimony in Illinois will last.

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Take, for example, a 5-year marriage. The alimony duration formula in Illinois states that spousal maintenance typically lasts one to two years. Let’s say you have 1-year-old twins and you and your spouse decided that you would stay home with the children. While it’s certainly possible for you to return to work immediately after your divorce, it may not be realistic. It might make more sense to seek employment once the kids are in school full-time, which would be at least 4 years from now. How would you support yourself after alimony ended but before you had gainful employment?

On the other end of the spectrum, let’s say you’ve been married 25 years and are 60 years old. Per the formula, you’d have to pay maintenance until you’re 85. How would you be able to retire? Even if you gave your ex-spouse 50% of all retirement assets, per the formula, you wouldn’t be able to retire until you were 85 years old.

In both cases, the formula would be unusable because you’d still need to negotiate maintenance duration.

And just like determining an amount, duration is not so easy to agree on.

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You can choose to avoid the maintenance calculator, even if you’re eligible to use it.

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As you’ve just learned, there are several instances where, depending on how much money a couple earns or how they’re compensated, the formula is useless. So if any of those situations are like yours, you’ll need to agree without using it. But even if you do meet the criteria to use the formula, you and your spouse may not be satisfied with the result.

You can choose not to follow its recommendation and negotiate instead.

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When discussing Illinois alimony, don’t forget about cost of living.

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As if figuring out maintenance in Illinois wasn’t already a complicated endeavor, we’ve got yet one more factor to add to the conversation. And that’s the cost of living.

Say your marital home was in Lincoln Square, Chicago. And you’re the one paying alimony. And your spouse decides to move the kids to Northbrook, post-divorce. Better schools, and all… You might think that moving out of the city, and into the burbs, would represent significant savings. Guess again!

Northbrook is actually 32.2% more expensive to live in than Chicago! So, do you pay them based on what it cost to live in Lincoln Square? Or do you pay them based on what it will cost to live in Northbrook?

Good question…

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There’s more than one type of IL maintenance.

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When thinking of maintenance, most people think of the “check in the mail” approach, whereby one party would make alimony payments of a “regular amount” to the other party. The same way an employee would receive a “regular” paycheck. And while that’s the most common way to go, there are two other types of maintenance available to Illinois couples as you’ll soon find out. These types of maintenance may be used on their own or in combination with each other depending on the couple’s unique situation.

In addition, some people feel very strongly against having to write a check monthly to their ex. So there are also other, more creative ways to resolve this highly contentious subject. For example, divorcing couples will sometimes trade spousal support for equitable distribution. Or do an alimony buyout. Or pay alimony in one lump sum.

The point is there isn’t any such thing as “typical maintenance” payments.

And there are many different ways of settling this issue.

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The three types of alimony in Illinois:

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As you just learned, there are actually three different types of alimony Illinois couples can consider in their divorce. And they are:

1. Permanent or impermanent maintenance

As the title suggests, Illinois allows for the payment of maintenance until one of the parties dies. However, that doesn’t mean maintenance always continues indefinitely in permanent maintenance cases. Illinois divorce maintenance is still subject to termination events, such as the recipient’s remarriage.

Illinois divorce maintenance agreements can also contain other terminating events to be defined at the time of agreement thus making ‘permanent’ maintenance impermanent. For example, a caveat may be that permanent maintenance terminates upon the retirement of the spouse who is paying.

In our experience, individuals who receive permanent divorce maintenance awards are typically older, have been in long-term marriages, and/or limited earning capacity, perhaps due to limited formal education or staying home to raise children while their spouse furthered their career.

Illinois alimony agreements may also award permanent maintenance to individuals who have a medical condition that prevents them from being self-sufficient.

2. Maintenance in gross

This is maintenance is paid in one lump sum at the time of divorce, or relatively close to it, perhaps in a limited number of installments. While less common than other types of Illinois divorce maintenance, it can sometimes be used by specific individuals to, in effect, “pre-pay” their maintenance obligation to gain certain tax advantages. An arrangement in which maintenance in gross is used appears quite a bit like a property settlement that one might see during equitable distribution.

When considering this type of divorce maintenance, one must be cautious of the discount rate used for present value calculations and be cognizant of the impact of terminating events, or lack thereof.

3. Rehabilitative maintenance

The third type of divorce maintenance that Illinois allows for is rehabilitative maintenance, also known as “reviewable maintenance” or “periodic maintenance.” This type of maintenance may be paid for a short, fixed period of time or an indefinite one with periodic review. The idea of rehabilitative maintenance is to allow the recipient spouse some time to “get back on their feet” and enjoy on their own a similar post-marital lifestyle as the one enjoyed while married.

For those recipients of rehabilitative maintenance who have a college degree or the means by which to earn a comparable standard of living, the period of time for which it is offered is usually short and fixed. The idea is to give the recipient spouse both time and an incentive to become self-sufficient. Once the period of time is satisfied, the maintenance is terminated.

In cases where it’s unclear whether the recipient spouse will be able to become self-sufficient in a finite period of time, rehabilitative maintenance (also known as “reviewable maintenance”) is usually awarded for an open-ended period of time. In this case, the agreement would outline a review date and the parties would reconvene to determine if an extension of the maintenance is required. In limited cases, there are times when a fixed date is set and the burden to request an extension is placed upon the recipient.

It should be noted that the recipient party is required to make a good faith effort to become self-sufficient. If it is determined they did not, maintenance may be terminated immediately.

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There is more than meets the eye when it comes to Illinois alimony.

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Since every couple’s situation is different, alimony is not a one-size-fits-all matter. Coming to an agreement that’s fair requires more than a wild guess or passing conversation for spouses. And as you’re starting to see, there’s a lot involved in this highly complex topic. Not only that but there are many places you can make expensive mistakes with far-reaching consequences.

The issue of divorce maintenance is much too complex and emotionally charged in most cases for you to attempt to determine on your own.

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When you involve lawyers, it’s a problem.

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If you go the lawyer route, your divorce attorneys can drag out your negotiations for years.

Fighting in circles. Around and around. In a gray area where no one’s right. All while billing you their ridiculous hourly fees.

That is, until neither you nor your husband or wife has any money left to keep paying your legal fees. And there’s no money left for divorce maintenance! Just another reason it’s better to avoid involving lawyers in your divorce negotiations.

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When a judge gets involved, it’s a problem.

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If alimony can’t be successfully resolved between you, your spouse, and your respective attorneys, your case will continue to litigation in court. But you need to understand something here: In a litigated divorce, a judge will decide how spousal support will be addressed. Yikes! That means the family law judge gets to dictate (on a case-by-case basis) the terms of your settlement in court and tell you what amount you’ll receive or have to pay.

And you might wind up with an alimony outcome you don’t find fair or that doesn’t meet your needs.

That’s why it’s better to negotiate an amount and duration that both you and your husband or wife find fair. And negotiation is the cornerstone of divorce mediation. In mediation, you get to decide – and come to an agreement you both agree is fair, out of court – instead of letting a stranger decide your future.

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You’ll get the best result by mediating your no-fault divorce with us.

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Using our extensive financial knowledge of the complex matters of alimony and maintenance, we’ll discuss the different types of maintenance permitted in Illinois and help you determine which type(s) may be applicable in your particular situation. And explore the feasibility of using some combination of alimony types in conjunction with child support and equitable distribution, as all three topics are interconnected.

We’ll actively guide you through our comprehensive budgeting process, which reflects both your marital expenses and your projected expenses after divorce. So we can take a close look together at what each of you earns, spends, and will need to move forward.

And determine how, if at all, the division of your marital property, debts, and expenses related to your children will factor in when determining an amount and duration. We’ll then help you negotiate a maintenance arrangement that you both find fair and that will best allow you to fulfill your financial obligations after you’re divorced.

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Equitable Mediation enables you to get a fair maintenance outcome.

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Why be forced to accept a settlement created by a family law attorney or judge when you can have a direct say in your financial future instead?

If you want to arrive at a maintenance agreement that’s fair to each of you and doesn’t bankrupt you in the process, mediate your divorce with Equitable Mediation.

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Take your first step towards a peaceful divorce

[/fusion_title][fusion_button link=”/get-started/” enable_hover_text_icon=”no” hover_text=”” title=”Get Started” target=”_self” link_attributes=”” aria_role_button=”0″ alignment_medium=”” alignment_small=”” alignment=”center” modal=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”btn-style-blue” id=”” color=”custom” button_gradient_top_color_hover=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” button_gradient_top_color=”var(–awb-custom_color_2)” button_gradient_bottom_color_hover=”var(–awb-color4)” button_gradient_bottom_color=”var(–awb-color4)” gradient_start_position=”” gradient_end_position=”” gradient_type=”” radial_direction=”” linear_angle=”180″ accent_hover_color=”” accent_color=”var(–awb-color5)” type=”” bevel_color=”” bevel_color_hover=”” border_top=”2px” border_right=”2px” border_bottom=”2px” border_left=”2px” border_radius_top_left=”30px” border_radius_top_right=”30px” 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last=”true” border_position=”all” first=”true” min_height=”” link=””][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ title_link=”off” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ font_size=”38px” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_overflow=”none” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”60px” gradient_font=”no” 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Divorce mediation is a process in which a couple works with a neutral, unbiased third party, known as a divorce mediator, to help them resolve the issues of divorce. It offers couples a more peaceful alternative to litigation when ending a marriage. As a personalized process tailored to your specific circumstances, mediation provides a supportive environment that focuses on problem-solving rather than confrontation. The objective is to help both parties work together to reach a resolution that addresses the needs of all parties, including those of any children involved.

Mediation’s goal is to help you and your spouse find mutually beneficial (“win-win”) solutions. Unlike traditional court proceedings, which are often “win-lose.” Mediation enables couples to address both the legal matters required by law and issues outside the scope of typical divorce litigation. These may include future co-parenting arrangements as children grow older, introducing children to new romantic partners, or creative financial solutions, such as delaying the sale of a home. This comprehensive approach enables both parties to make informed decisions about their future while maintaining control over the outcome.

Perhaps most significantly, mediation is also the most cost-effective path forward for divorcing couples. Traditional litigation can be costly and time-consuming, with costs exceeding $100,000, whereas mediation helps parties reach an agreement in a fraction of the time and for a fraction of the cost. This efficiency not only saves money but also reduces the emotional strain on all involved parties, allowing them to move forward with their lives more quickly and positively.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How is divorce mediation conducted?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]In Illinois, divorce mediation is conducted either privately or publicly. Private mediation is not mandated by the court and is entered into by the parties voluntarily, with negotiations taking place outside of the courtroom. Whereas public mediation is court-ordered and mandated by a judge in an attempt to prevent the parties from reaching litigation. It may or may not take place in a courtroom.[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What are the benefits of private mediation vs. court-ordered mediation?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]Private mediation is not mandated by the court or a judge. The couple chooses to mediate first, and do so, voluntarily. So if you and your spouse both want to use mediation, you’d hire a private divorce mediator like Joe, which is typically done before you file for divorce. Joe will then guide you through his comprehensive mediation process and help you identify, discuss, negotiate and resolve all of the issues surrounding your divorce, privately and confidentially.

On the other hand, if you choose to litigate using a divorce attorney, you’d likely be sent to court-ordered, family law mediation. Many counties in Illinois, including Cook county, have court ordered mediation proceedings whereby a couple litigating will be required to engage in custody and parenting time mediation and an economic (financial) mediation session offered through the family courts.

And while we’re always pleased when couples mediate, no matter what route they took to get there, we feel there are a number of shortcomings with court-ordered mediation:

• First, you don’t get to choose your professional like you would with private mediation. So you could end up with someone you don’t like, or you’re not comfortable working with.
• Second, the approved individuals on the court roster may not be the most experienced. The only requirement to get on the Illinois court-ordered mediator roster is to take a 40-hour training class. So many new mediators get their start in the courts and have little or no “real-world” experience.
• Finally, what if your issues are so complex that even if the court certified mediator isn’t fresh out of training, they still aren’t experienced handling unique issues like yours? While it may be possible to reach agreements through the court’s mediation program, we strongly feel private mediation produces a far better outcome.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What are the matrimonial issues that require agreement in a Chicago divorce?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

For couples without minor children, there are two issues which need to be negotiated and agreed upon: maintenance and property division. Whereas for cases involving minor children, issues including co-parenting responsibilities and child support, will also need to be discussed and agreed upon.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How does mediation in Chicago compare to using family law attorneys?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

There are significant differences between mediation and using lawyers ranging from the number of professionals involved, approach, cost, speed, control, tone, and more. Highly qualified mediators like us can help you and your family reach highly-customized and lasting agreements, in a less stressful and non contentious manner. So you can remain civil, and if you have children, be the great co-parents they’re counting on you to be.

Read: Mediation vs Divorce Lawyer, to compare these options and learn the many benefits we believe mediation provides.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What does your divorce mediation process look like?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from professional-to-professional. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the process once you become our client:

To kick things off, your first mediation session will be a one-hour strategy session. In this session, Joe will help you both prepare for mediation by:

• Developing a framework for your negotiations;
• Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
• Defining your goals for the process;
• Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
• And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.

This part of the process is intended to help you, and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.

Once you’ve submitted requested pre-work and discovery items to us, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.

Joe will meet with you and your spouse virtually – and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled in your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and frequency of sessions are determined by the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.

If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to help you negotiate and overcome any impasses encountered along the way.

Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations. You will be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective lawyer; however it is your decision whether or not to do so.

Once you both agree the MOU looks good, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, and budgets, along with a host of other related Illinois court paperwork. It’s important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional you use to have your divorce filed with the court. Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce will be granted by a judge as there is no waiting period in Illinois.

Our mediation process is very efficient and can be completed in a fraction of the time that a litigated divorce or collaborative law process would take.

Learn more about how you benefit by mediating with us.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How can you help my family reach lasting agreements when right now, things are so uncertain?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Making decisions about your future during divorce can feel overwhelming, especially when the path ahead seems uncertain. We understand this challenge, which is why we’ve developed our proprietary Change of Circumstance Scenario Planning technique to help you create agreements that stand the test of time. Through our carefully designed process, we guide you through exercises that address not only your present situation but also your short, medium, and long-term future. Together, we craft comprehensive agreements that account for each of these time periods, ensuring all necessary issues are thoroughly addressed.

What sets our approach apart is our forward-thinking framework that allows for future adjustments to be performed by you and your spouse. Our agreements include highly-detailed language that allows for appropriate modifications when needed, helping families avoid costly litigation down the road. This innovative approach is just one example of how we help our clients leave mediation with thorough, comprehensive agreements that provide both immediate clarity and long-term flexibility.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How much does divorce mediation cost in Chicago? Is it really cost-effective?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

The total cost of mediation varies greatly and is dependent on a number of factors including, but not limited to:

• The experience and expertise of the mediator;
• The thoroughness of their process (if they even have one);
• The comprehensiveness of the services they;
• The relationship dynamic between the parties and willingness to compromise and negotiate the issues.

You can work with an inexperienced mediator for a lower hourly rate or flat-fee, but then once mediation is completed, spend another few thousand dollars to have your agreement re-written by attorneys (and/or tens of thousands of dollars in the future to address missed issues.) Or you can work with an experienced mediator whose fee might be higher, but who delivers a more thorough service, written agreement, and resolution on both present and known/potential future issues, which will save you money, time and stress in the long run. Mediation is not “cheap divorce” but it is cost-effective with the average cost of a mediated divorce in Chicago ranging from $6,000 to $10,000.

To learn more, read: The Real Truth Behind Divorce Mediation Costs

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”How do we know if divorce mediation is a viable option for our divorce?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Divorce mediation is usually a practical option for your divorce if:

• There’s a level of mutual respect between you and your spouse, and you’re both willing to actively participate;
• You’re both prepared to engage in a “good faith,” honest negotiation requiring full disclosure;
• You’re willing to respect each other’s specific needs and interests, and recognize compromise is a key component of any agreements reached;
• You want a competent divorce expert to help facilitate negotiations between you and your spouse and to provide options for you to both consider, but you both want to make your own decisions and retain full control over your divorce agreement. If one of you wishes to mediate, and one does not, unfortunately mediation will not be an option for you.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Is your practice dedicated exclusively to mediating divorces and separations?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Yes. We believe strongly that in order to remain skillful in our field, we must remain dedicated exclusively to mediating family matters of divorce and separation. We do not mediate commercial, civil, elder, or community matters like others (who also mediate divorces) do. Matrimonial issues are complex and in our opinion, require a mediator to be singularly focused.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Is a mediator a neutral third party? Or will they give me advice, or tell me what to do?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Unlike an attorney, a mediator cannot give legal advice or tell you what to do. Parties who choose to work with a mediator wish to make their own decisions on issues such as custody or property division, instead of being told what to do by an attorney.

Think of mediators like conductors in an orchestra. Conductors lead the symphony, and mediators lead the mediation process. But conductors don’t make the music, just like mediators don’t make the decisions for the parties. Yet without a conductor, or a mediator, the divorce proceedings would get off track, and the participants wouldn’t know what to do.

Learn more about divorce mediation.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”Is divorce mediation the same as divorce and family mediation?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

Divorce mediation is a subset and is focused on helping married couples peacefully and cost-effectively end their marriage. Whereas divorce and family mediation is broader in scope, with mediators helping parties also resolve matters related to family, but not directly related to divorce. For example, creating a visitation / child custody arrangement for a child of a Chicago couple who is unmarried, or assisting with the property division of a family-owned business.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What’s the difference between mediation and alternative dispute resolution?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

The term “alternative dispute resolution” or ADR for short, refers to any dispute resolution process that eliminates the parties need to hash out their issues and matters in court. Mediation is simply one type of ADR processes. Other common types may include, but are not limited to, collaborative divorce, arbitration, peace circles, and restorative justice. The idea behind ADR is to keep the parties out of expensive and damaging litigation, and instead, with the help of a neutral third party, for parties to reach agreement without having to go to court.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What’s the difference between a divorce and dissolution of marriage?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

While most people think of divorce and dissolution of marriage as the same thing, in some states they are not.

Some practitioners think of a divorce as being contested, and dissolution of marriage as being uncontested. That is, in a dissolution of marriage, the issues were all handled privately, and many of the steps in a traditional divorce process were skipped (such as hiring an attorney or going to court).

In Illinois, it is common for people to use the terms divorce and dissolution of marriage interchangeably, but as non-attorney mediators, we can’t fully comment on the accuracy of this statement, nor its legal impact on a divorce case.

[/fusion_toggle][fusion_toggle title=”What is an uncontested divorce?” open=”no” title_color=”var(–awb-color8)” content_color=”var(–awb-color8)”]

In Illinois, an uncontested divorce, also commonly known as a no-fault divorce, is one in which the parties are able to resolve, and come to agreement on, all of their issues, without the need to hire an attorney / attorneys and needing to have the matters decided in court.

When parties can work with a private mediator, all divorces in theory are uncontested divorces. Because a highly skilled Illinois divorce mediator will be able to help a divorcing couple resolve, and come to agreement on, all issues privately. In turn, eliminating the need for either party to hire an attorney and go to court.

One thing that’s important to note, and admittedly it’s a bit of a technicality, is that an “uncontested divorce” isn’t really a “no-fault divorce.” Every divorce has a fault; it’s just that in the case of a divorce process that uses a neutral third-party to come to agreement, the “fault” is commonly referred to “irreconcilable differences.”

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Why Trust Equitable Mediation

Equitable Mediation Services is a trusted and nationally recognized provider of divorce mediation, serving couples exclusively in California, New Jersey, Washington, New York, Illinois, and Pennsylvania. Founded in 2008, this husband-and-wife team has successfully guided over 1,000 couples through the complex divorce process, helping them reach amicable, fair, and thorough agreements that balance each party’s interests and prioritize their children’s well-being. All without involving attorneys if they so choose.

At the heart of Equitable Mediation are Joe Dillon, MBA, and Cheryl Dillon, CPC—two compassionate, experienced professionals committed to helping couples resolve the financial, emotional, and practical issues of divorce peacefully and with dignity.

Joe Dillon, MBA – Divorce Mediator & Financial Expert

As a seasoned Divorce Mediator with an MBA in Finance, Joe Dillon specializes in helping clients navigate complex parental and financial issues, including:

• Physical and legal custody
• Spousal support (alimony) and child support
• Equitable distribution and community property division
• Business ownership
• Retirement accounts, stock options, and RSUs

Joe’s unique blend of financial acumen, mediation expertise, and personal insight enables him to skillfully guide couples through complex divorce negotiations, reaching fair agreements that safeguard the family’s emotional and financial well-being.

He brings clarity and structure to even the most challenging negotiations, ensuring both parties feel heard, supported, and in control of their outcome. This approach has earned him a reputation as one of the most trusted names in alternative dispute resolution.

Cheryl Dillon, CPC – Certified Divorce Coach & Client Advocate

Cheryl Dillon is a Certified Professional Coach (CPC) and the Divorce Coach at Equitable Mediation. She earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology and completed formal training at The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) – an internationally recognized leader in the field of coaching education.

Her unique blend of emotional intelligence, coaching expertise, and personal insight enables her to guide individuals through the emotional complexities of divorce compassionately.

Cheryl’s approach fosters improved communication, reduced conflict, and better decision-making, equipping clients to manage the challenges of divorce effectively. Emotions have a profound impact on shaping the divorce process, its outcomes, and the future well-being of all involved.

What We Offer: Flat-Fee, Full-Service Divorce Mediation

Equitable Mediation provides:

• Full-service divorce mediation with real financial expertise
• Convenient, online sessions via Zoom
• Unlimited sessions for one customized flat fee (no hourly billing surprises)
• Child custody and parenting plan negotiation
• Spousal support and asset division mediation
• Divorce coaching and emotional support
• Free and paid educational courses on the divorce process

Whether clients are facing financial complexities, looking to safeguard their children’s futures, or trying to protect everything they’ve worked hard to build, Equitable Mediation has the expertise to guide them towards the outcomes that matter most to them and their families.

Why Couples Choose Equitable Mediation

• 98% case resolution rate
• Trusted by over 1,000 families since 2008
• Subject-matter experts in the states in which they practice
• Known for confidential, respectful, and cost-effective processes
• Recommendations by therapists, financial planners, and former clients

Equitable Mediation Services operates in:

• California: San Francisco, San Diego, Los Angeles
• New Jersey: Bridgewater, Morristown, Short Hills
• Washington: Seattle, Bellevue, Kirkland
• New York: NYC, Long Island
• Illinois: Chicago, North Shore
• Pennsylvania: Philadelphia, Bucks County, Montgomery County, Pittsburgh, Allegheny County

Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn if you’re a good candidate for divorce mediation with Joe and Cheryl.

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If I asked you, “What is child support?” what would you say? Something like, “It’s when one parent gives the other parent money for the kids after they’re divorced?” And if I followed up by asking, “What is child support used for?” would you say, “Um… their expenses?”

Even though child support impacts more than 60% of all divorces in the United States, there so much confusion around the subject. If you have children, it’s crucial that child support be addressed carefully and thoroughly at the time of your divorce, because it can have a significant impact on their lives now and for many years to come.

In my experience, learning the basics of issues that pertain to an individual’s divorce before starting the process can help them better work with their spouse (and chosen divorce professional) to resolve them. So, in this post, you’ll learn the fundamentals of child support, some options for negotiating it, and what you can do to prevent your children from becoming economic victims of your divorce.

Let’s dive in!

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What is child support?

[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

Simply stated, child support is financial support both parents provide to their children post-divorce, for the children’s expenses. Unlike alimony, which is financial support provided by one ex-spouse to the other, for the recipient adult’s expenses.

[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=””]How does child support work? What is child support used for? And what does child support cover?[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

“What’s in and what’s out of child support” varies based on the state you live in. But in my experience, there are 4 types of expenses parents encounter when raising kids:

• Ordinary expenses – including housing, food, utilities, etc.
• Extraordinary expenses – including summer camp, child care, extracurricular activities, etc.
• Medical expenses – including health insurance premiums, deductibles, co-pays, and other out-of-pocket medical expenditures
• Post-secondary education expenses – including tuition, room, and board, books, transportation to and from school, and any costs associated with preparing for, or enrolling in, college or other post-secondary education such as trade schools

How you negotiate and come to an agreement on each type of expense – and how long you’re expected to pay them – can vary from state-to-state and divorcing couple to divorcing couple.

[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=””]Who pays child support?[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

There’s a common misconception that only one parent pays child support. Since one parent writes a check, it may seem like there is only one paying parent. But that check is only meant to cover a portion of the child or children’s ordinary expenses. The recipient parent is also expected to contribute a portion of those expenses. The three other types of expenses are typically negotiated separately and are also shared by the parties.

So, the reality is both parents pay child support!

[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=””]When does child support end?[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”list-ul-style ” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

When child support ends varies from state to state and couple to couple (based on something negotiated.) But generally speaking:

• The payment of ordinary expenses typically ends upon the graduation from high school of a minor child.
• The payment of extraordinary expenses commonly ends upon emancipation.
• The payment of medical expenses typically ends when a child is able to procure their own health insurance, or age 26, whichever occurs first.
• The payment of college expenses normally ends after four consecutive years of attendance.

[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=””]How is child support decided in a divorce?[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”list-ul-style ” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

There are two ways child support (and all other divorce-related issues) can be resolved: you and your spouse can negotiate, or a family law court will decide for you. When it comes to child support, every couple’s situation and determining factors are unique. Unfortunately, when the court dictates a child support order, you never know how they will decide it. So, you could wind up with an outcome you don’t think is fair or that doesn’t meet your children’s financial needs.

The good news is you have a lot of flexibility and can maintain a lot of control if you settle out of court.

It’s common (and normal) for divorcing spouses to have different points of view on child custody, alimony, division of property, and/or child support. But even if you have disagreements, it doesn’t mean you have to go in front of a judge to get those issues resolved. Not all divorces have to go to family court. In fact, resolving disputes out of court saves you a lot of money and time. It can also help you avoid or lessen a lot of the negative emotional impact that contested divorce cases can have on you and your kids.

When it comes to child support, every couple’s situation is unique.

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In the United States, there are three ways guideline child support is calculated.

They are:

• The Income Shares model
• The Percentage of Obligor’s Income model
• The Melson formula

Which method you use depends on the state in which you live.

Let’s take a high-level look at each of the three models to understand how they work.

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Income Shares model:

• The income of both parents is added together.
• A basic child support obligation is determined from either a state-specific table or calculated as a percentage, based on the number of minor children.
• (optional) Parents can choose to add in other expenses such as the cost of children’s health insurance, or daycare.
• The child support award is prorated between the parents based on the ratio of their incomes to each other.

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Percentage of Income model:

• The income of the non-custodial parent is determined.
• Using guidance provided by the state, a percentage to apply to the income is determined based on the number of minor children or a flat percentage.
• A basic child support obligation is determined by applying the percentage from step two to the income from step one.
• (optional) Parents can choose to add in other expenses such as the cost of children’s health insurance, or daycare.

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The Melson formula:

The Melson Formula is a more complex version of the income shares model except this model tries to ensure that each parent’s basic needs are met, in addition to the children.

It’s far too complex to try and explain in a blog post, and since only 3 states currently use it, I’m not going to cover it in this post.

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Pros and cons of using a guideline to calculate child support payments

Pros:

• It’s Based on a repeatable formula. If two different couples entered the same information into the guideline, in theory, it would output the same child support award in both cases.
• It Removes the human element. This can be a good thing if you and your spouse have trouble agreeing.
• They are commonly used. Which may make you and/or your spouse more comfortable knowing others have used it to agree on a child support amount.
• They are state-specific. You may be happy to know thought was given to what it costs to raise a child in the state where you live.

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Cons:

• They may not however, account for where you live within the state. If you live in Chicago or New York City, you have a much higher cost of living than parents who live in the suburbs or rural exurbs, which guidelines won’t usually account for.
• They may have an upper income limit. If your income exceeds the guideline “cap” you and your spouse will have to negotiate an additional amount of child support payment, based on income above the cap.
• They don’t work for parents with variable incomes. If you’re a commissioned salesperson, a police officer who works lots of overtime, or even someone who receives a bonus that varies year to year, the guidelines won’t work for you as designed.

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What if you and your spouse don’t want to use the child support guideline?

There is one other approach I’ve sometimes seen parents use and that’s budget-based.

In these cases, parents put together a budget of the children’s ordinary expenses and use that as a basis for determining a child support amount.

While this is technically possible, there are several things you need to be aware of when going this route:

• You’d better have a good reason for deviating from your state’s child support guidelines.
• Guidelines usually serve as a floor, so agreeing to an amount that’s lower than the one offered up by your state’s guideline may or may not be viewed favorably by the courts where you live.
• It may be difficult to determine how much a child’s expenses will be.

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How is child support determined for all other expenses?

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As you previously learned, there are three other types of child support expenses. And while some guidelines do allow limited inclusion of certain types of expenses, in my experience, parents usually choose to negotiate them directly.

For this to work, you need to discuss and come to an agreement on three things:

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1.) What’s in and what’s out?

It’s a good idea at the time of your divorce to decide what items you are both willing to share in moving forward.

Private school is a good example of this. Some parents I’ve worked with want their kids to go to a private school as they get older. While others feel that public school is just fine.

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2.) How will the unknown be handled?

Of course, there will be expenses that neither of you saw coming so you’ll want to agree on a framework for future discussions when these types of expenses crop up.

A good example of this is a sports camp. Your 2-year-old might not know a basketball from a basketweave. But 14 years from now, they may be the next WNBA/NBA all-star and want to get some specialized training.

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3.) Who pays how much?

Let’s say you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse have agreed on what’s in and what’s out of your child expense-sharing agreement. And how you’ll handle future expenses when they crop up.

Now, you need to decide what each of your shares of those expenses is going to be. Your choices are:

• Share equally
• Share in proportion to income
• Share in a fixed percentage
• Assign expenses to each party

Which option you choose will depend on a variety of tangible and intangible factors including, but not limited to, your income, how amicable your divorce is, and if you agree on what types of activities you’ll contribute to.

But before you decide which one you think is right for you, let’s look at the pros and cons of each:

Share equally:

• Pro: It’s simple to determine each party’s share.
• Con: This can lead to conflict if one parent can’t come up with their half.

Share in proportion to income:

• Pro: Each party pays a share based on what they earn.
• Con: Shares need to be continually calculated based on then-current incomes.

Share in a fixed percentage:

• Pro: You each know your share.
• Con: Your incomes could change and along with it, your original ratio.

Assign expenses to each party:

• Pro: Can reduce tension while allowing parents to each support activities they believe are worthwhile.
• Con: Children’s interests frequently change, leading to the possibility one parent may be solely responsible for all extraordinary expenses.

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Child support recap and conclusion:

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To say child support is a complicated issue would be an understatement! And there’s far more to child support than running a guideline formula, printing out a child support worksheet, and calling it a day. That’s because it’s not a one-size-fits-all subject – every couple’s children, circumstances, and situational complexities are unique.

But you will have the most control over settling the terms of child support (and all other divorce matters) by negotiating out-of-court.

That doesn’t mean you have to struggle to try to resolve your child support case on your own. In fact, for most divorcing parents, this topic is much too complex to resolve without professional help. By using an alternative dispute resolution process like mediation, you can increase the likelihood of reaching an out-of-court negotiated agreement you and your spouse both find acceptable and both had a hand in creating.

Hopefully, after reading this post, you have a better understanding of this confusing issue and feel better prepared to work with your spouse (and your chosen divorce professional) – to negotiate a mutually agreeable out of court child support arrangement that puts your kids first and ensures they grow up happy, healthy, and financially supported.

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State-specific divorce child support challenges:

• NJ Child Support
• California Child Support
• Illinois Child Support
• NY Child Support
• Washington State Child Support
• Child Support PA

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• Who gets the house in a divorce is not an easy question to answer.
• The answer depends on a number of factors including: whether it’s marital or separate property, what your child-custody arrangement looks like, and who can afford it.
• Because there’s no clear cut answer to the question, negotiation is the best way to resolve this critically important issue – and that’s what mediation is all about.

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As someone who watched my own parents battle through the courts over assets like the house I grew up in, I know firsthand how emotional and overwhelming the decision of who get the house in a divorce can be. But I also know, through my work as a mediator, that there’s a better way to handle this important choice – one that keeps you in control and helps you find solutions that work for everyone involved.

Your family residence isn’t just another item to check off your property distribution list. It’s where your children took their first steps, where you’ve celebrated countless holidays, and often represents your largest financial investment. Through mediation, you and your spouse can work together to create arrangements that honor both these precious memories and your practical needs for the future.

Let’s take a look at what you need to know to answer this question, and reach agreement on this critical piece of your divorce settlement.

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Understanding your state’s property division framework

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Before we dive into specific solutions and examples, let’s talk about how property division typically works. While state laws do provide a framework, the beauty of mediation is that it gives you and your spouse the flexibility to create solutions that work best for your unique situation. Think of these laws as a starting point for our conversations, not rigid rules that must dictate your decisions.

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Equitable distribution states

In states like New Jersey, New York, Illinois, and Pennsylvania, we work within a concept known as “fair and equitable distribution.” But “fair” doesn’t always mean “equal” when it comes to dividing your marital estate. This actually gives us more room in mediation to explore creative solutions that work for both of you.

For example, I recently worked with a couple where one spouse (the wife and primary caregiver, age 50) desperately wanted to keep their family home for the children’s stability. Through mediation, we found a way to balance this by having her trade a share of other marital assets of similar value by letting her spouse (the husband, age 63) keep his retirement accounts. The final property settlement worked beautifully for both parties because we focused on what mattered most to each of them.

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Community property states

Even in community property states like California and Washington, where the law typically aims for a 50-50 split of marital assets, you still have plenty of room for creativity in mediation to divide property fairly as you both see fit. While these states view property acquired during marriage as belonging equally to both spouses, you can be flexible about what your settlement ultimately looks like, even if it’s not 50-50.

[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=””]The role of attorneys, CPAs, and financial advisors[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

While mediation keeps you in control of decisions about your family residence, having the right professional support team can make a significant difference. Think of it this way: as your mediator, I help you and your spouse communicate and explore options, while these other professionals provide specialized expertise to support and execute your decisions.

For example, while in mediation we’ll take a deep dive into your monthly spending through a comprehensive budgeting exercise, examining what it costs to run the former marital home post-divorce, you may wish to work with a financial advisor to understand how different housing choices might affect your long-term financial stability. For example, would renting and taking the proceeds from sale and investing them, be a better option than keeping the home?

If you do decide to keep the house, an experienced attorneys can ensure the proper execution of your agreement, including preparing documents like a quitclaim deed to protect your legal rights and transfer the ownership of the home exclusive to one of you. And a CPA can help you understand tax implications of different arrangements, like property taxes or mortgage interest deductions, as well as if you’ll owe any capital gains on the sale when the day comes you no longer wish to live in the house.

[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=””]Understanding marital property vs. separate property[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

Let’s now talk about the difference between marital property and separate property when it comes to your home. Understanding this distinction helps us have more productive conversations about fair solutions.

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When your home is marital property

Most homes purchased during marriage become marital property, meaning both spouses have developed an interest in the property’s value. Even if only one spouse’s name appears on the deed, your shared contributions – both financial and non-financial – have likely enhanced the property’s worth. In mediation, we look at the whole picture to develop fair solutions for dividing this important asset regardless who owns it “on paper.”

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Understanding separate property claims

Sometimes, one spouse brings a home into the marriage as separate property. But the lines between separate and marital property often blur over time, especially when marital funds pay for mortgage payments or home improvements. Some states like California even have a special way of calculating the value of what the non-owning spouse contributed known as a Moore Marsden Calculation.

During our mediation sessions, we’ll carefully consider how shared contributions might have affected each spouse’s share of property rights and work to come to an agreement that meets the best interests of you and your spouse.

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Let’s talk about a practical reality that often influences housing decisions: your ability to handle ongoing mortgage payments and other expenses. Through mediation, we can develop financial plans that work not just today, but well into your future by examining what it truly takes for one of you to keep the house running after you go your separate ways.

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Evaluating current mortgage responsibilities

Together, we’ll look at your current mortgage structure and explore your options moving forward. I find that many couples discover solutions they hadn’t considered once we lay out all the possibilities – from loan assumption to refinancing that provides one spouse’s share of equity.

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Planning for future financial stability

Creating sustainable agreements means looking beyond just the mortgage payments. We’ll discuss all housing-related expenses – property taxes, maintenance costs, insurance, and other expenses – to ensure whoever keeps the house can manage it comfortably long-term. I’ve seen too many couples focus only on the mortgage, only to struggle with these other costs later. Hot water heaters and HVAC units seem to breakdown at the most inconvenient times and we’ll want to plan for that.

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Considering children’s needs

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When children are involved, decisions about the family home become even more nuanced. As someone who experienced my parents’ divorce as a teenager, I’m particularly sensitive to how housing decisions affect children’s well-being.

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Creating child-centered solutions

During our mediation sessions, we’ll carefully consider how different housing arrangements might affect your children’s daily lives. While the custodial parent’s housing needs are important, we work to find solutions that support both parents’ relationships with their children. If one of you remains in the home, while the other is sleeping on a friends couch, that’s certainly going to impact each of your relationships with the kids.

I’ve seen families develop some wonderfully creative arrangements through mediation. Some couples agree to a deferred sale until their children reach certain milestones. Others find ways to maintain the family home as a stable base while creating comfortable separate spaces for both parents in the form of a nesting plan.

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When one spouse keeps the family home, we need to think carefully about protecting everyone’s financial future. I’ve seen how unprotected interests can lead to problems down the road – something I witnessed in my own parents’ divorce. For example, my mother chose to keep the house and forgo her share of my father’s pension. Which meant she had to work until long after normal retirement age. Through mediation, we can develop comprehensive agreements that provide security and clarity for both of you so you can make decisions with both eyes wide open.

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Creating fair compensation arrangements

If one spouse will keep the home, we’ll explore various ways to ensure the other spouse’s share is protected. This might mean offsetting the home’s value against other marital assets, creating a structured buyout plan, or developing agreements about future sale proceeds. The key is finding an approach that feels fair to both of you and provides financial stability moving forward.

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Addressing future liability concerns

One thing I always emphasize in my mediations is the importance of clear agreements about ongoing financial responsibilities. If one spouse keeps the house, we’ll discuss options for removing the other spouse’s name from the mortgage through refinancing. If that’s not immediately possible, we’ll create strong protections until it can be accomplished. Remember – the bank doesn’t care you got divorced. They just want their money, and if both of your names are on the mortgage, both of you are going to get a call if a payment is past due.

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Home improvements and property value

In addition to the equity available in the home, we’ll also look at other factors such as how to account for those improvements you’ve made to your home over the years. Maybe one of you did significant renovation work and paid for all materials, or you both contributed to major upgrades. Understanding these contributions helps us develop fair approaches to dividing the increased value these improvements created. There’s more to determining each party’s fair share than simply taking the net proceeds from sale and dividing them.

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Deferred sale options

Sometimes, making an immediate decision about the family home isn’t what’s best for your family. Through mediation, we can explore deferred sale arrangements that give everyone time to adjust. For instance, I recently worked with a couple who agreed to allow the wife and children remain in the home post-divorce until their youngest child, a sophomore in high school, graduated. Then at that time, the wife could either refinance the home exclusively in her name and provide husband with his share of the equity, or the home would be sold and they would share the proceeds equally.

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Making co-ownership work

While many couples prefer a clean break and want to establish separate residences, others find that living together and co-owning the family home after divorce makes sense for their situation. I recently worked with a couple whose daughter was a freshman in high school and due to the the high-cost of living in their area, they decided to remain cohabitating until she graduated from high school. Sharing in all costs to own and operate the home equally. Upon the daughter’s graduation the home would be sold and they would share the proceeds with the wife retaining 60% and the husband, 40%.

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Outline the important details

If you’re considering either of these options, agreeing upfront to what will happen moving forward is key. In mediation, we’ll develop detailed agreements that make co-ownership manageable and help prevent future conflicts. This includes creating clear protocols for sharing expenses, making decisions about repairs, and planning for eventual sale or buyout. We can even include regular review periods to see if things are working as intended, or if a sale should be considered.

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Working with market conditions

The real estate market will influence your options, but through mediation, we can develop flexible agreements that work regardless of market conditions. I’ll help you create arrangements that protect both parties’ interests whether property values rise or fall, including provisions for sharing unusual appreciation or loss if the house sells within a certain timeframe.

[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=””]Creating your fresh start[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

Whether keeping or leaving the family home, you both deserve the opportunity for a fresh start after divorce. In our mediation sessions, we’ll explore how different housing arrangements might support each of your goals for the future. This might include discussing how either spouse could build new credit histories, establish independent financial stability, or create new living spaces that support your post-divorce lifestyle.

[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=””]Moving through difficult emotions[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

As someone who watched my own parents struggle with their divorce, I understand the deep emotional significance your family home carries. During mediation, we create a space where you can acknowledge these feelings while staying focused on practical solutions. I’ve found that when couples understand each other’s emotional connections to the home, they often become more flexible in exploring various options.

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The best property settlements look beyond just today’s needs. Through mediation, we work to create agreements that can stand the test of time. We’ll consider how life changes might affect your housing arrangement and build in appropriate flexibility to address future circumstances – whether that’s a job change, remarriage, or retirement.

[/fusion_text][fusion_title title_type=”text” scroll_reveal_effect=”color_change” scroll_reveal_basis=”chars” scroll_reveal_behavior=”always” scroll_reveal_duration=”500″ scroll_reveal_stagger=”200″ scroll_reveal_delay=”0″ scroll_reveal_above_fold=”yes” marquee_direction=”left” marquee_mask_edges=”no” marquee_speed=”15000″ rotation_effect=”bounceIn” display_time=”1200″ highlight_effect=”circle” loop_animation=”once” highlight_animation_duration=”1500″ highlight_width=”9″ highlight_smudge_effect=”no” highlight_top_margin=”0″ before_text=”” rotation_text=”” highlight_text=”” after_text=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” title_link=”off” link_url=”” link_target=”_self” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” content_align_medium=”” content_align_small=”left” content_align=”left” size=”2″ animated_font_size=”” fusion_font_family_title_font=”” fusion_font_variant_title_font=”” font_size=”38px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color4)” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” animated_text_color=”” highlight_color=”” text_shadow=”no” text_shadow_vertical=”” text_shadow_horizontal=”” text_shadow_blur=”0″ text_shadow_color=”” text_stroke=”no” text_stroke_size=”1″ text_stroke_color=”” text_overflow=”none” margin_top_medium=”” margin_right_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” margin_left_medium=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_right_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_left_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” margin_top_mobile=”” margin_bottom_mobile=”” gradient_font=”no” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ style_type=”default” sep_color=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=””]Moving forward with confidence[/fusion_title][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” hue=”” saturation=”” lightness=”” alpha=”” user_select=”” awb-switch-editor-focus=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”left” content_alignment=”left” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” width_medium=”” width_small=”” width=”” min_width_medium=”” min_width_small=”” min_width=”” max_width_medium=”” max_width_small=”” max_width=”” margin_top=”” margin_right=”” margin_bottom=”” margin_left=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” font_size=”16px” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_transform=”” text_color=”var(–awb-color6)” animation_type=”fade” animation_direction=”static” animation_color=”” animation_speed=”1.0″ animation_delay=”0.5″ animation_offset=”” logics=””]

Remember, deciding what happens to your house doesn’t have to become a source of conflict or courtroom drama. Through mediation, you and your spouse can work together to find solutions that serve everyone’s interests. While these discussions may feel challenging now, I’ve helped hundreds of couples successfully navigate this decision by staying focused on practical solutions and remaining open to creative possibilities.

The key is taking time to understand all your options while keeping communication productive and focused on solutions. Whether you ultimately decide to sell the house, arrange a buyout, or create some other arrangement, making this decision through mediation helps ensure that both parties’ needs are considered and respected.

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