Learning how to deal with divorce can be challenging. The end of a marriage brings a whirlwind of emotions - grief, anger, fear, and uncertainty - that can leave you feeling overwhelmed and depleted. And for those reasons, self-care is key.
Self-care isn't just some fluffy buzzword - it's a crucial practice, especially during times of significant stress.
Whether you're in the beginning stages of preparing for divorce, or in the midst of divorce proceedings, let's dive into how you can better deal with divorce by making self-care a priority. Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish - it's essential!
You've got this. With the right tools, you can deal with this difficult time in your life with greater ease and resilience.
When I was going through my own divorce many years ago, I didn't know how to deal with the profound sadness, anger and fear I felt every day for months.
For a while, I just gave myself permission to feel that way. And to grieve.
I allowed myself to experience those feelings instead of trying to sweep them under the rug or pretend I didn't feel them. I saw a therapist for a while because it was a safe place to say out loud what I was feeling. Somehow, doing that helped me let some of the negative emotions go and slowly, I began to feel better.
I read books on how to get over a divorce. I also took my dog "kids" out for long walks, spent a lot of time with my parents and surrounded myself with close friends. I made myself get out of the house, even when I didn't want to.
I didn't rush myself to "get over it," and I didn't rush into another relationship. But I did make every effort to help myself, boost my energy and not let my divorce ruin the rest of my life.
My best advice for how to deal with divorce is to give yourself a break and be your own best friend.
Be kind to yourself. And at the same time, don't let yourself become a victim to your circumstances.
You are in charge of your own happiness so do everything you can to help yourself reflect, heal, forgive and move forward. If you don't, you may never get to experience all the wonderful opportunities that are waiting for you on the other side!
Below, I've shared 26 proven strategies for how to deal with divorce stress and the challenges ahead in a healthy, constructive way that protects your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, and builds a foundation for a positive future.
1.) Decide (& Commit) to Recovering from Your Divorce
Period!
If you make a conscious choice to let go of the pain of your divorce, to heal your heart and move forward, and to take responsibility for your own life, you will!
Thoughts are very powerful!
Be kind to yourself, be your own best friend, get in the driver’s seat of your life and live intentionally!
2.) Get Inspired.
Select the quotes that resonate the most with you. Write each on a Post-It note and place in various locations where you will see them throughout the day as reminders such as: bathroom mirror, nightstand, fridge, check book, car dashboard, underwear drawer, etc.
Here are some of my favorites…
- “Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger
- “Live with no excuses and Love with no regrets. When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that YOU have a 1000 reasons to Smile.” - Author Unknown
- “Look at life through a windshield, not the rear-view mirror.” - Byrd Baggett
- “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” - C.S. Lewis
- “If I'm being rejected from one thing, it's really just the path redirecting me elsewhere to where I'm supposed to be.” - Amani Al-Khatahtbeh
- “Are your painful experiences stumbling blocks or stepping stones?” - Bruce D. Schneider
- “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” - Maria Robinson
- "Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness." - Thich Nhat Han
- "No one is in charge of your happiness but you.” - Author Unknown
3.) Let the Music Move ‘Ya!
Turn on your favorite music and sing! Close the curtains and dance! Go ahead and bust a move!
Whenever you feel at your worst, turn on the stereo or your iPod, crank up the volume and sing. On the top of your lungs.
Belt out the words to the songs to help you use your anger to shift out of feeling sorry for yourself. Sing them and feel strong and ready to kick some ass. And equipped to get the ultimate revenge which is moving forward and creating an amazing new life for yourself.
Here’s a list of my favorite empowering divorce recovery songs on Spotify for your listening pleasure. Enjoy!
4.) Laugh it Off!
Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine – It relieves stress, improves health and boosts mood. Watch a DVD of one of your favorite stand-up comedians. Rent a funny movie, watch a funny tv show and/or subscribe to a “Joke A Day” website.
5.) Affirm-a-tive:
To help you stay grounded during difficult times, find an affirmation that you will say to yourself every day, as often as you need to. To super-charge it, read your affirmation OUT LOUD before going to sleep at night and upon waking in the morning so it can process while you sleep.
Here are some examples…
6.) Read Into it:
Curl up with an encouraging book. Here are some of my favorites…
7.) Volunteer/Help Someone Less Fortunate
There is no better way to lift your spirits than to help someone less fortunate than you and there are so many ways to help others.
Here are a few ideas…
8.) Get Outdoors
Fresh air does wonders for your body and spirit. Sunshine produces vitamin D/melatonin, which is a mood booster. If you can get to a park or a place in nature, even better.
Here are some ideas...
- Go for a walk
- Plant some flowers
- Ride a bike
- Pull up a patch of grass and enjoy the natural beauty around you!
9.) Take a Break from “Bad News”
Ever notice that the news is filled with ten times more tragic, awful news than it is with upbeat, happy news? Think about it, how often do we get to read about a new puppy being born?
Instead, it’s all doom and gloom.
When this type of negative exposure goes into our mind, it really pulls our energy down. To counter this, don’t watch the news or read the newspaper first thing in the morning or last thing before bed in the evening.
Or better yet, take a break from the news altogether.
10.) Walk a Dog
If you don't have your own dog, offer to walk a neighbor's pup. Or even better yet, sign up at the local shelter to walk the adorable pooches who have no one to love them.
What a nice way to make a difference!
11.) Adopt a Pet
It is proven that there are many health benefits associated with owning a pet, including reducing feelings of loneliness or anxiety, lowering blood pressure and stress.
Pets love unconditionally, and they always know just what to do to make you laugh.
12.) Eat Nutritional Healthy Foods
Are you skipping meals or eating junk or processed foods due to stress? A diet of highly processed foods deprives us of much-needed nutrients, and nutrients make us happy.
So eat healthy, nutritious meals AT MEAL TIME to boost your energy and mood. Make meals in advance so you just need to warm something up on particularly rough days.
Here’s a resource to help you find healthy meals that can be made quickly.
13.) Drink Water
Yes, water! It’s good for you and helps boost your mood. Not drinking enough water could cause dehydration, which negatively impacts mood.
When you drink water it helps wash away the toxins that are accumulating inside your body.
14.) Exercise
Exercise is good for you and it makes you feel good. Go for a jog around the block, hike through a park with your kids, sign-up for a yoga class, just get out there and move!
15.) Get Enough Sleep
OK, I know this may be a tall order based on your situation, but getting a good night’s sleep (7-8 hours per night) does wonders for your health, energy and overall well-being.
If you’re having trouble falling asleep, try some lavender oil to help you get sleepy.
16.) Schedule a Personal Spa and Relaxation Day
Pamper yourself with a massage, pedicure, and/or haircut. Or, turn your own bathroom into a personal spa by dimming the lights, lighting candles, put on some relaxing music and soaking in a warm bubble bath.
Don’t forget to turn off your phone!
Include as many of these ideas as you like or have time for.
17.) Unleash Your Creativity
Make something. Bake and decorate a cake, plant a garden, paint a picture. Learn a new craft (check your local craft store for ideas). Pick up that guitar, practice and write a song - it doesn't have to be good.
Just doing these things will make you feel good. And if you keep doing them you'll naturally get better.
18.) Reach Out!
Connect with friends and family (the non-judgmental, supportive ones only!) Send an e-mail to someone you haven't heard from in a while.
Invite a friend to lunch. Get together with your old friends.
It's easy to get into a rut during a stressful divorce where each day looks like the one before between work, caring for the kids, housework, dealing with the divorce process, sleep and back to work again routine that leaves you no time at all to be the fun-loving, outgoing person you once were.
Spending time with friends who knew the “old” you might bring out that side of your character. You’ll come away feeling younger, more positive and more excited by life than you were before you met up.
Go on, invite them out for coffee and catch up on each other's lives.
19.) Get a Coach
Working with a divorce coach can provide vital support and guidance. They'll offer tools to manage stress, process emotions, and reframe negative thought patterns. They can also assist in setting healthy boundaries, making clear decisions, and envisioning a positive future.
With the support of a good coach, you'll be better equipped to ditch the emotional roller coaster, disconnect from the drama, make conscious choices and live in alignment with your core values and priorities.
20.) Have Faith
Reconnect or Connect to your spirituality. Go to church or temple. Or, if you’re spiritual but not religious, try meditation.
21.) Wake-up Call
Change the way you wake up in the morning. If you usually wake up to a loud beeping alarm clock, change it to something peaceful like birds chirping or ocean waves. Or something fun and inspirational like your favorite song.
22.) Meditate Daily
Take the time to engage in the practice of quieting your mind. Focus on your breath/breathing. Take a few deep breaths, and relax and don’t get hung up on finding the ultimate time and place to meditate.
If you set 10 minutes as your goal, commit to it.
Accept distractions as normal, simply refocus your attention back to a mantra, candle or feeling of your breath.
Be kind to yourself - if your mind wanders, don’t judge harshly. Just accept and refocus. Start with a beginner’s mind and be open to whatever happens next.
Don’t give up.
23.) Practice Gratitude
Write a Gratitude List – a list of everything good in your life. Sometimes, when you’re so wrapped up in focusing on the bad, you forget all the little things that are actually good in the world.
Write down all the things you’re grateful for, no matter how small - from waking up and seeing your children's beautiful faces to the smell of fresh cut grass in the local park. This is a great way to cheer yourself up, and if you do it regularly, it can give you a whole new way of experiencing your life.
24.) De-Clutter
Clean out a drawer, closet, desk or room you’ve filled up with stuff. Having a clean desk/room/closet feels like a clean start. I feel instantly lighter after cleaning out my perpetually cluttered closet.
Getting rid of clutter rids your living space of negative trapped energy and allows new positive energy to flow into all aspects of your life.
25.) Smile!
Force yourself to smile - even if you don't feel like it.
“Just fake it ‘til you make it.”
This tricks your brain into thinking that you’re happy. Which leads to being happy!
26.) Choose Happy!
Happiness is a choice and it is one that only you can make.
You have the choice whether to spend this day, which you will never live through again, in a state of happiness or unhappiness. Choose to spend it as happily as you possibly can.
Remember that no one can make you happy except you!
Other Useful Resources:
