Divorce Mediation | Seattle and Washington State Services & FAQs

In Washington State divorce mediation is a confidential process and may either be conducted using the family law court-supported Washington State Dispute Resolution Center (DRC), or conducted privately by working with Seattle divorce mediators like us.

While both the DRC and private mediators provide mediation services, and remain neutral throughout the proceedings, the DRC may not be best equipped to handle the complexities that most divorcing clients typically have.

There are three major differences between court-supported mediation and private mediation in

First, when mediation is court-supported, you don’t get to choose your mediator like you would with private mediation. So you could end up with a mediator you don’t like, or you’re not comfortable working with.

Second, the mediators may be less experienced than private mediators. The only requirement to become a court-supported mediator in Seattle is to take a 40-hour mediation training class. So many new mediators get their start this way and have little or no real-world experience.

Third, if your situation is complex, a court-supported mediator may not have the experience to handle unique issues like yours. In that case, not only will you have wasted your time, but you and your spouse may find yourselves even farther from agreement.

In our opinion, it's always better to hire a private mediator to handle your divorce case.

Third, if your situation is complex, a court-appointed mediator may not have the experience to handle unique issues like yours. In that case, not only will you have wasted your time, but you and your spouse may find yourselves even farther from agreement.

Finally, private mediation is not mandated by a judge. The couple forgoes the attorney-driven path to divorce and instead chooses to mediate. So if you and your spouse both agree to use mediation, you’ll hire a private divorce mediator like us, typically before you file for divorce. We would then help you identify, discuss, negotiate and reach an amicable agreement through mediation on all of the required issues, confidentially and without the involvement of divorce lawyers (if you choose).

In our opinion, mediation is always better when conducted privately.

Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the divorce mediation process once you become our client:

To kick things off, your first mediation session will be a one-hour strategy session. In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you and  your spouse prepare for mediation by:

• Developing a framework for your negotiations;
• Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
• Defining your goals for the divorce mediation process;
• Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
• And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.

This part of the mediation process is intended to help the two of you and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.

Once you’ve submitted to the mediator the pre-work and discovery items required, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.

Joe will meet with you and your spouse online and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions depend greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.

If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to offer possible solutions, help you explore and negotiate each option, and reach agreement during the mediation on these topics.

Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.

Upon completion of mediation, you will each be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective lawyer, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.

Once you both agree the MOU looks good, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, along with a host of other related King County court paperwork. It's important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional to use to have your divorce filed with the court.

Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce will be granted by a judge in 90 days as there is a waiting period in Washington State.

Our mediation process is very efficient and can be completed in a fraction of the time that a litigated divorce or collaborative law process would take.

Mediation can help couples navigate divorce more peacefully and efficiently, without the cost and stress of lengthy court battles. This confidential process allows the parties to work together in a supportive environment, focusing on finding solutions that work for everyone involved. Rather than leaving decisions to a judge, parties decide their own outcome, which often leads to more satisfying and lasting agreements.

Through mediation, we help the parties reach common ground on important issues like property division, parenting arrangements, and financial matters. The flexible nature of mediation makes it possible to explore creative solutions that might not be available in traditional court proceedings. Because you maintain control of the process, you're often able to reach agreements that better reflect your family's unique needs.

Given our extensive experience, we're able to help nearly all of our mediation cases settle successfully, helping minimize both emotional and financial stress. By choosing mediation, couples can work toward resolution without getting caught up in the adversarial court system, preserving important relationships and setting a positive tone for future interactions, especially when children are involved.

While we always hope couples choose to mediate their separation or divorce, divorce mediation is a voluntary process. In our experience, what typically happens is there’s one spouse who is familiar with mediation, and one who is not. To help your spouse, we encourage you to direct them to our comprehensive options for divorce guide and to learn more about the benefits of choosing mediation.

There is no requirement in Seattle, King County or Washington State that parties have to retain a lawyer as involving attorneys is a matter of personal choice. While some clients choose to hire a Seattle family law attorney to review their settlement agreement (known as a Memorandum of Understanding in mediation) or provide legal advice during or after the mediation process, others explicitly choose to divorce without the involvement of lawyers. If you’d like the perspective of a divorce lawyer on a one or more family law matters, you are encouraged to do so.

No! In fact, many couples specifically wait for the mediator to help them reach a settlement. This way, they can make certain all of the necessary issues will be covered fully - in the appropriate order and given the attention and time required.

While we can’t speak for all King County mediators, for us the answer is yes. We’ve successfully mediated divorce for employees of numerous King County employers including Amazon, Boeing, Kirkland, Microsoft, Shopify, and U of Washington among many others. Given the types of compensation these employers typically offer their employees, most of our cases have a high degree of complexity including complicated compensation such as stock options and restricted stock units, along with other variable compensation components like bonuses and commissions, as well as deferred compensation packages including pensions. We are also well versed in divorces involving a business, high assets, divorce after long-term marriage, and grey divorce.

Read case studies and learn who we help

While the goal of both of these divorce options is to help couples avoid court, there are significant ways they differ from the number of professionals involved, the cost, the timing, among many other factors. You can learn more in our post: Divorce Mediation Versus Collaborative Law Process.

Mediators come from a variety of different backgrounds. Some are attorney mediators, so they may refer to themselves as a "divorce mediation attorney" or “divorce mediation lawyer.” Some are mental health professionals. While others, like Equitable Mediation founder, Joe Dillon, have a financial background.

While the terms can sometimes be used interchangeably, “family law mediation” is the broader of the two. For example, family law mediation may be used to help non-married Washington parents make decisions on and resolve issues of child custody. In this case, since they were never married, there would be no “divorce” in the mediation process.

While any topic involving the family may be brought to resolution using a family law mediator, divorce mediation refers to a specific alternative dispute resolution process focused on ending the parties’ marriage.

No. They cannot and must remain impartial - even if they are an attorney-mediator. In their role as an unbiased, neutral third party, they must not provide legal advice.

You can learn more about the differences between divorce mediation and divorce lawyers in this post.

Yes. As a professionally trained mediator with more than 25 years of experience, I've found that couples can reach agreement when both parties are willing to engage in good-faith negotiations and approach the process with an openness to compromise.

What often surprises couples is that they actually agree on more than they realize. When emotions are running high, it's natural to focus on points of conflict while overlooking areas where they’re in lock step. Sometimes, couples don't even recognize when they're in agreement until I point it out – which makes sense given that communication difficulties are a common cause of divorce.

People who choose mediation typically want to keep things peaceful. And it’s this shared goal that already creates common ground. When you explain to them what will happen if they don’t reach agreement in mediation – i.e. they’ll be forced into a more contentious divorce process - they're more likely to compromise and reach agreement.

In my experience, when couples participate together in mediation, and have to look each other in the eye when they make an offer, it becomes harder to propose unfair solutions.

Divorce mediation costs vary depending on the skill level and experience of the mediator, scope of services included and case complexities. If you’re wondering about the cost of divorce mediation, you might be focusing on the mediator’s hourly rate, or in our case, flat-fee. But there are a number of other equally, if not more important factors contributing to the overall cost of divorce mediation.

One is the mediator’s experience. You may be thinking naturally, a more experience a mediator has a higher fee. But that’s not what we’re talking about. An experienced mediator is going to be sure to cover present and known and potential future issues. This way, you’ll likely avoid having to return to mediation (or worse yet, court) and spend more money down the line when circumstances change.

It’s expensive (and stressful) to try to resolve a missed issue and modify your divorce decree, so the more thorough your agreement is at the time of your divorce will be a cost-avoidance for you in the future.

Another factor attributed to cost is the services included in the mediation. For example, some Seattle mediators like us offer divorce coaching for emotional support, while other mediators don’t. Or whether the mediator drafts a thorough written agreement, or a simple agreement that would need to be re-written by an attorney at an additional cost to you. And some mediators may even require each spouse to hire an attorney to review their agreement, while others who believe in the power of self-determination, don’t.

You can work with an inexperienced mediator for what you think is a low fee, but once mediation is completed, spend another few thousand dollars to have your agreement re-written by an attorney, or potentially another $10,000- $20,000 in the future to resolve missed issues.

Or you can choose an experienced mediator who might have a higher fee, but who will provide a more thorough service, written agreement, and resolution on present and anticipated future issues, which in turn, will save you a lot of money in the long run.

Each mediator has their own mediation fee structure, but the average cost of divorce mediation in Washington State is between $6,000 to $10,000

Because we develop a customized mediation plan for each couple, based on their unique needs and circumstances, fees for our divorce mediation services vary. But even the most complex cases cost a fraction of traditional litigation using family law attorneys or collaborative law process.

Mediation is a feasible option if:

• You and your spouse are both ready to take part in a good faith and transparent negotiation which requires full financial disclosure;
• There is some level of mutual respect between you and your spouse and you’re both ready to actively participate - this is because mediation is a voluntary process and will only work if you are both committed to it;
• You would like to have an experienced professional mediator help you identify, discuss and negotiate the required divorce issues, but you want full control over your divorce agreement and want to make your own decisions.

If one of you wants to mediate, but one of you does not, unfortunately, mediation will not be an option in your case.

While both the divorce mediation and arbitration processes involve gathering information, working with multiple parties, and conversations taking place between the participants and a third-party, there is one significant difference between them.

In arbitration, the solution to the parties’ disagreement is decided by the involved third-party arbitrator like a private judge in what's known as a settlement conference. Whereas mediators believe the solution to the parties disagreement lies with them, and mediator helps the parties come to agreements on their own in one or more negotiation sessions.

We feel divorce mediation is a better ADR (alternative dispute resolution) alternative than arbitration, as it empowers the parties to make the decisions that are in their mutual best interest. Rather than allowing a total stranger to make decisions for them that may or may not work in their particular case.

Shuttle mediation is where the mediator would help the two spouses resolve the relevant issues (parenting plan, child support, alimony, division of assets and liabilities, etc.) without both of them being present in the same room, or on the same Zoom call.

Shuttle mediation can be useful in cases with special circumstances (where two parties truly do wish to mediate, but they are unwilling or unable to be in the same room at the same time, such as with domestic violence). However we prefer direct negotiations - working with both spouses at the same time, as we have found this breeds more trust among the parties. Therefore, we do not perform shuttle mediation.

There is no requirement in Washington State for a mediator to be licensed or certified. That means anyone can call themselves Washington State mediators. And while that may be a positive in that it can provide divorcing couples alternatives to the adversarial legal system, it's critically important to ensure that the mediator you choose has the proper skills and experience to guide you through your divorce in Washington State.

It's not uncommon for attorneys to call themselves a "divorce mediation lawyer" or a "mediation attorney" as they feel attending law school or understanding family law issues also qualifies them to be divorce mediators. But in our opinion, litigating or advocating for one party is an entirely different skill set than acting as a neutral third party and assisting both parties towards fair and equitable resolution.

Learn more about how to find a good mediator.

A mediator will draft what’s known as a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) which contains all of the agreements the parties made with regards to items that affect their family such as parenting time and decision-making, child support, spousal maintenance and property division.

After mediation is completed, the agreements outlined in the MOU are then formally drafted by a qualified professional into a legally binding document known as the Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA), which is signed by the parties and is one of the (many) legal documents that are submitted to the court to finalize the parties' dissolution of marriage.