How to Prepare for Divorce as a Woman: Your Guide for Success

Preparing for divorce as a woman can seem like an impossible task. Especially if you weren't the one managing the household finances. But I can tell you from my experience as a divorce mediator working with countless women just like you, taking these steps to get your personal finances ready, ensure your emotional and physical well-being, and minimize the impact of your divorce on your children's lives, can make a significant difference in your health, your future happiness, and the outcome of your divorce.

I know at first it may seem like a lot. And I'm not going to lie - it is. But you don't have to do it all at once. And you don't have to do it alone. Mediators and coaches like us are here to support you every step of the way. And if you're not quite ready to reach out, check out our self-study divorce planning resources.

Financial divorce preparation tips for women

Make copies of all important financial documents

Like the old saying goes: knowledge is power. And much of the knowledge required to effectively negotiate your divorce, can be gained by reviewing the documents I outline below. To start your education and prepare yourself to be a more effective advocate for yourself, gather copies of all important documents and financial records involving:

• Income – such as tax returns, W-2's, and paystubs;
• Expenses – such as utility bills and mortgage statements;
• Assets – such as bank statements, investment account statements, 401(k) statements and/or other retirement accounts such as pensions and IRAs;
• Liabilities – such as credit card statements and mortgage statements;
• Estate Planning – such as wills and/or trusts, or life insurance policies.

When gathering documents, I recommend you do a “multi period lookback.” Meaning – don't just gather one year of tax returns, gather three. Or don't just gather one month of credit card statements, gather six. Doing so will allow you to look at an average, rather than just a single time period.

Review your credit reports

As you prepare for divorce as a woman, if in the future you want to apply for a mortgage or want to get new credit cards only in your name, your credit history will need to be as clean as possible. Reviewing your credit reports for accuracy is an important exercise for women planning for divorce - especially when joint credit cards are involved.

Why is that? Because if your soon to be ex uses a joint credit card once your divorce is final, and doesn't pay the balance, guess what? The bank will come calling on you, looking for repayment. So make sure those joint cards are closed the minute the ink dries on your divorce papers.

Visit the Annual Credit Report website to download free personalized reports from all three credit agencies. Make sure that you recognize all open credit titled in your name. And that any accounts that should be closed, are, in fact, closed.

Open a new checking and savings account

As part of establishing your financial independence, it's a good idea to open new checking and savings accounts - in your name only. You don't need to start putting money into these separate bank accounts, or use them right away, but there will come a time once your divorce is over that you'll need a place to deposit your share of the funds contained in any joint accounts, that you received in your divorce settlement.

And if you do see the potential for your divorce to take an unfortunate turn, you can use these accounts to establish an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses. Even if it means you need to borrow money from family or your 401(k).

While big banks certainly have their advantages, I'm a fan of credit unions. I find they're not only more cost-effective, but typically offer more personalized service. See if there's a credit union near you that you qualify to join, and open an account there.

Open new credit cards in your name only

Just like with checking and savings accounts, it's wise to open new credit card(s) exclusively in your name. But do not use the credit cards until your divorce is final unless you and your spouse have explicitly agreed that's OK. Because if you do without permission, you'll need to pay for any items you put on your new credit card from your own separate funds. And if you use marital funds to pay them, it can be seen by your spouse as a breach of trust. And send your divorce in a not-so-great direction.

When applying for a credit card, there is nothing wrong with reporting your total household income. Doing so increases the chances you'll be granted a higher credit limit than if you simply reported your individual income (which, if you're not currently working, may be $0).

Investigate insurance coverage

Medical

After your divorce is finalized, you'll likely lose access to health insurance provided by your spouse's plan. So it will be necessary to secure new coverage for yourself. Health insurance can be quite expensive, so you'll want to know these costs in advance so you can include them on your budget, and in your alimony negotiations, if applicable.

Options to consider:

1. Employer-provided insurance (if available)
2. Individual plans through the Health Insurance Marketplace

Visit https://www.healthcare.gov/ to explore marketplace options. Divorce is a qualifying life event, enabling you to enroll in new coverage outside a plan's standard open enrollment period. This means you can obtain coverage immediately after your divorce, regardless of the time of year.

Automobile

You'll also want to reach out to your automobile insurance provider to get rates and/or apply for your own coverage. Many women are surprised to find out that just because they had a family plan with their spouse, they may not automatically qualify to remain with their current insurance carrier. And even if they can, their rate may be much higher than it was when part of the family plan.

Shop for insurance early on in the divorce process! You'd be surprised at how long it might take to obtain rates, apply for coverage, and decide what provider to go with.

Review your Social Security benefits statement

If you worked inside the home for the majority of your marriage, chance are your social security benefits will be far lower than that of your ex spouse. But did you know that divorced women who've been married 10 years, and meet certain conditions at the time of their retirement, may be eligible to collect benefits higher than what they could have collected on your own?

Head on over to the Social Security website and learn if you're eligible to claim this benefit.

Review your prenuptial agreement

While not everyone has one, the contents of your prenup can play a significant role in crafting your divorce settlement agreement. Certainly, if you and your soon to be ex spouse are agreeable, you can choose which parts you want to adhere by, if any. But if you think your spouse is going to and enforce your prenup as-is, focus your time and attention on items that may either not be covered, or where you believe there is room for negotiation.

Consider speaking with an attorney regarding the legal aspects of your prenup and how enforceable it is, before you begin your divorce as not all prenups are created equally.

Tactical divorce preparation tips for women

Stay organized throughout your divorce proceedings

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, there is a lot of paperwork in a divorce. I'm even surprised at just how much there is and I work with divorcing couples professionally! So my advice to you is to develop a system to stay organized so you can keep things under control and (try and) maintain your sanity.

If you're a pad and paper kind of person, get yourself a three-ring binder or Penda flex file folder to keep copies of all the notes you'll be taking, or documents you'll be gathering. And label each section or pocket with tabs.

Or, if you're a digital person, create a file structure on a computer or tablet you alone have access to (or in the cloud if you want added security,) so you can scan, and easily find copies of the documents you'll need as you move through the divorce process.

When scanning documents, take time to name each file so you can more easily find what you're looking for in the future. It also helps your mediator or attorney know what it is they're looking at. Remember - most divorce professionals change by the hour so the more time they have to spend figuring out what you sent, the higher your bill will be.

Open a post office box

It can be difficult to get confidential mail delivered to your house if your spouse doesn't yet know you want a divorce. So post office boxes can be an easy, and inexpensive way to keep your private mail private. Especially if you plan on following my next two tips.

While there are lots of places out there offering PO Boxes such as UPS stores, or Postal Annexes, I've found the US Post Office to be more cost effective than the for-profit providers. Every town in America (as far as I know) has a post office so accessing your mail won't become a hassle.

Begin the search for family law divorce professionals

Preparing for and going through a divorce as a woman involves several crucial steps, but selecting the right divorce professional is arguably the most critical decision you'll make. The professional and method you choose will significantly influence the outcome of your divorce.

Before beginning your search, it's essential to understand the available divorce options. Perhaps you and your spouse are amicable, making divorce mediation an excellent option. Or if not, perhaps you'll need legal representation and choose to hire a divorce lawyer. Your choice among these options will determine the type of divorce professional you'll need to engage.

Learn about the 5 divorce options: The 5 Divorce Options and How to Choose the One Right for You.

Take an inventory of all personal property

During divorce proceedings, some spouses may attempt to hide or sell their partner's personal belongings, wrongly claiming ownership of assets considered marital property based on having paid for the items. Sadly this very thing happened to my cousin. Let me be clear: paying for an item doesn't grant someone the right to take, steal, or dispose of it during a divorce!

To protect yourself:

1. Create a video inventory of your personal property with a witness present.
2. Include valuable items such as jewelry, electronics, and family heirlooms.
3. Upload the video to a cloud-based service to establish a date and time stamp.
4. If possible, create a document detailing each item's value or replacement cost.

This precaution provides evidence of ownership of separate property, and can be invaluable if disputes arise over personal property during the divorce process.

Recruit a friend or family member to assist. Having someone to corroborate your efforts can come in handy if you were ever to find yourself litigating.

Create and/or update your resume

Maybe you're already working outside the home and have a job you like. Or you're working inside the home and haven't given much thought about returning to the workforce. Either way, it's a good idea to update your resume. Or create one if you don't currently have one.

Many community colleges offer resume and cover letter writing workshops for a very reasonable price. So check out your local community college if there's one in your area. You might also consider working with a career coach who may offer resume writing services. In my experience, establishing financial independence is one of the best things you can do.