Divorce Mediation | NJ Services & FAQs

Yes. Court-ordered mediation is ordered by a judge in a litigated divorce proceeding. So if you choose the traditional route to divorce through the court system, you'll be obligated to attend "mediation" as part of the divorce settlement process.

New Jersey requires parties in litigation to engage in mandatory mediation which is referred to as an early settlement panel. This panel consists of three professionals, typically lawyers and mental health professionals, who will hear the facts regarding your case, and make a recommendation to the judge on what your parenting time or financial agreements should look like. It is not uncommon for the judge to accept the recommendation of the early settlement panel.

There are four major differences between court-ordered mediation and private mediation.

First, when mediation is court-ordered, you don’t get to choose your mediator like you would with private mediation. So you could end up with a mediator you don’t like, or you’re not comfortable working with.

Second, the mediators on the family law court roster may be less experienced than private mediators. The only requirement to become a family court mediator in New Jersey is to take a 40-hour mediation training class. So many new mediators get their start this way and have little or no "real-world" experience.

Third, if your situation is complex, a court-appointed mediator may not have the experience to handle unique issues like yours. In that case, not only will you have wasted your time, but you and your spouse may find yourselves even farther from agreement.

Finally, private mediation is not mandated by a judge. The couple forgoes the attorney-driven path to divorce and instead chooses to mediate. So if you and your spouse both agree to use mediation, you’ll hire a private divorce mediator like us, typically before you file for divorce. We would then help you identify, discuss, negotiate and reach an amicable agreement through mediation on all of the required issues, confidentially and without the involvement of divorce lawyers (if you choose).

In our opinion, mediation is always better when conducted privately.

There is no legal requirement that you must have a divorce attorney and many people specifically choose mediation because they want to divorce without lawyers.

However, depending on their professional background and approach, some mediators do require each spouse to hire a lawyer to consult with throughout mediation.

While attorney consultation is not required in our mediation process, we fully support clients who wish to seek legal counsel for advice on New Jersey divorce law. Our focus is on empowering you to make informed decisions in whatever way works best for your situation.

Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the divorce mediation process once you become our client:

To kick things off, your first mediation session will be a one-hour strategy session. In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you both prepare for mediation by:

• Developing a framework for your negotiations;
• Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
• Defining your goals for the divorce mediation process;
• Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
• And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.

This part of the mediation process is intended to help you, and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.

Once you’ve submitted to us the required pre-work and discovery items, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.

Joe will meet with you and your spouse online – using Zoom - and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions are determined by the two of you and Joe. Depending greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.

If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to help you negotiate and reach agreement during the mediation on these topics. Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.

Upon completion of mediation, you will be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective lawyer, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.

Once you both agree the MOU looks good as-is, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, and budgets, along with a host of other related Illinois court paperwork. It's important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional to have your divorce filed with the court with.

Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce will be granted by a judge as there is no waiting period in Illinois.

Our mediation process is very efficient and can be completed in a fraction of the time that a litigated divorce or collaborative law process would take.

While we can’t speak for all New Jersey mediators, for couples who choose to work with us, the answer is a decisive yes. We routinely handle complex divorces including long-term marriages, business ownership, sophisticated compensation structures, high-value assets, and families with special needs children.

Read case studies and learn more about who we help.

No! It is not necessary for the two of you to have everything already decided before you start mediation. In fact, many couples specifically wait for their divorce mediator to help them talk about and resolve the issues because they can't agree on their own. This way, you can make sure things will remain amicable between you, and that all issues will be discussed thoroughly, in the proper order, and given the time and attention they require.

Mediation is a good option if:

• You are both willing to take part in a transparent, honest, and “good faith” negotiation which includes full disclosure;
• There is a level of mutual respect between you, and because mediation is a voluntary process, you’re both willing to actively participate and be fair and reasonable;
• You want a skilled divorce professional to help you resolve the required issues, but you want to maintain full control over your divorce agreement and make your own decisions.

Since it takes far less time, costs far less, and preserves family relationships, mediation is almost always the preferred alternative to traditional divorce.

98% of our clients successfully resolve their divorce through mediation, so when working with us, there is a high probability/likelihood of success. But if you and your spouse don't reach a complete agreement in mediation, there is still a constructive path forward/option.

In our experience, most "incomplete" mediations only have one or two remaining issues to resolve, not the entire divorce. You and your spouse can continue working on specific unresolved points with mediation-friendly attorneys who will help you build upon the progress already made in mediation.

Remember that choosing mediation is already a positive step toward an amicable divorce. Even if you need additional support later, the groundwork you lay during mediation often proves invaluable in reaching your final resolution.

Yes. Mediation remains an option even after litigation has begun. If both spouses agree, they can pause their court proceedings and work with a mediator to reach a settlement. While the emotional intensity of divorce litigation can make this transition challenging, many couples find that switching to mediation helps them regain control of their divorce process and work toward a more amicable resolution.

Every mediator's process (if they have one) is different, so we can only speak to how long divorce mediation takes working with us.

Most couples complete their mediation in 3 - 5 sessions, meeting with Joe every other week. On average, divorce mediation takes 2 - 3 months. The speed of our divorce mediation process is largely within your control. Your timeline will depend on the complexities of your case, how quickly you complete the required financial work between sessions, ease in coordinating your schedules, and pace in reaching decisions.

Yes, divorce mediation is significantly less expensive than going to court. According to an article that appeared in the Motley Fool, going to court will cost a couple on average $46,600 if they can agree quickly, and are only litigating one or two issues. But (and this is important) if one of those issues is alimony or child support, those fees will more than double. With the cost of going to court ranging between $100,000 and $200,000. Even the most complex divorce mediations cost a fraction of a traditional litigated process.

The total cost of mediation varies greatly and is dependent on a number of factors including, but not limited to:

• The experience and expertise of the mediator;
• The thoroughness of the mediator’s process;
• The comprehensiveness of the services the mediator provides;
• The relationship dynamic between the parties and willingness to compromise and negotiate the issues.

You can work with an inexperienced mediator for a lower hourly rate or flat-fee, but then once mediation is completed, spend another few thousand dollars to have your agreement re-written by attorneys (and/or tens of thousands of dollars in the future to resolve missed issues.) Or you can work with an experienced mediator whose fee might be higher, but who delivers a more thorough service, written agreement, and resolution on both present and known/potential future issues, which will save you money, time and stress in the long run.

To learn more, read: The Real Truth Behind Divorce Mediation Costs

There are significant differences between these divorce options ranging from the number of professionals involved, approach, speed, cost, fairness, control, tone, and more. This article will help you understand in more detail, a comparison of mediation vs lawyers for divorce, and this article will help you understand the differences between mediation and collaborative law (also referred to as collaborative divorce), and learn the benefits we believe mediation provides.

Divorce mediation and arbitration are distinct alternative dispute resolution methods, though both help couples avoid traditional court battles. In mediation, a neutral mediator facilitates discussions between spouses to reach mutually agreeable solutions but doesn't make decisions for them. This collaborative approach gives couples complete control over the outcome while typically saving time and money.

Arbitration, on the other hand, functions more like a private court where an arbitrator – essentially a private judge – hears both sides and makes binding decisions. While arbitration is usually faster and more confidential than court proceedings, the couple surrenders decision-making power to the arbitrator. Unlike mediation's flexible nature, arbitration follows stricter procedures and may feel more adversarial.

While both options offer privacy and efficiency, mediation generally fosters better communication and co-parenting relationships, as couples work together to shape their future rather than having solutions imposed upon them.

Mediators come from a variety of different backgrounds. You may find a mediator who is an attorney and who refers to themselves as a "divorce mediation lawyer." Some mediators are mental health professionals. Others, like Equitable Mediation's founder, Joe Dillon, have a financial background.

There are several steps you can take to prepare for divorce mediation.

Read our post for some divorce mediation tips and a NJ divorce mediation checklist.