Divorce Mediation | California Services & FAQs
A peaceful path forward for you and your family.
We serve California couples and families with a better way forward through divorce.
Our mediation services provide expert guidance and support to help couples reach fair agreements and peaceful outcomes. Since 2008, we've offered a cost-effective alternative to traditional court proceedings that protects what matters most - your family's well-being and future.
If you and your spouse reside in California and are ready to begin, schedule your initial meeting today.
Meet our Mediator and Coach
Joe Dillon, MBA
DIVORCE MEDIATOR & FOUNDER
Cheryl Dillon, CPC
DIVORCE COACH &
CO-FOUNDER
What is California divorce mediation?
Divorce mediation (also referred to as family law mediation) is an alternative to a traditional California divorce. Unlike the litigation process, the parties instead work with an unbiased, neutral mediator who helps them resolve the required issues. Many people choose mediation as an alternative dispute resolution process because it’s faster, more peaceful, and less costly than the traditional divorce litigation process.
What issues can divorce mediation resolve?
Divorce mediation can resolve all issues in a couple’s divorce including parenting plan and time sharing, child support, alimony, and division of marital assets and liabilities.
Child Custody and Parenting Plans
In California, child custody issues such as timesharing – aka physical custody - and parenting responsibilities and decision-making - aka legal custody - must be agreed upon and drafted into a parenting plan. The parenting plan covers all aspects of how you and your spouse will co-parent your children once you’re divorced.
Typically for the parents we work with, negotiation and agreement on where the children will spend nights, weekends, and holidays begins the discussion. With negotiation of the issues which govern how you and your ex will engage in decision-making for your minor children on matters such as education, religion, and medical issues, coming next. Because there is very little guidance for couples on how to create a balanced and effective parenting plan, the help of an experienced and professional mediator to guide you through the decision-making process is critical in this very gray area.
A mediator can help parents settle their divorce in the most peaceful and child-focused way possible. So despite how you feel about your soon-to-be-ex, it's critically important to put the needs of your children first as you'll still be co-parents for the rest of your lives. You'll want to do everything you can to avoid the acrimony and long-lasting damage that divorce litigation brings, and instead choose to keep your relationship amicable for the sake of your children.
Child
Support
California uses the "income-shares" model, which considers multiple factors such as the incomes of each party, and the number of overnights the minor children spend with each parent, to calculate a basic child support amount and allocates portions to each spouse. This support is non-taxable, and the basic amount typically excludes certain "extraordinary expenses" such as college tuition and extracurricular activities, which require separate negotiation.
It's important to understand however, that the guidelines produce the same baseline amounts across all 58 California counties, despite significant cost-of-living differences between them. In our experience, this creates particular challenges for families in high-cost regions like San Jose, Los Angeles, or San Diego, where living expenses can be two and a half times the state average.
And if the child support is inadequate to support the lower-earning household, it may require one or both parents to relocate to more affordable areas within or outside California. Which adds another layer of complexity to establishing a workable parenting plan during divorce proceedings.
In addition to a basic support amount, parents must address both who will pay, and for how long, what are known as "extraordinary expenses." California family law allows divorcing parents to determine whether child support for both basic and extraordinary expenses will end at high school graduation or continue through college completion—often a point of significant discussion during divorce mediation.
Spousal Support
(aka alimony)
In California, spousal support refers to payments made from one former spouse to another. Unlike child support, these payments are intended to help the receiving spouse maintain their standard of living, not to support children's needs. There are three main issues you and your spouse will face when attempting to reach an agreement on spousal support.
First is the high cost of living. Many couples struggle to make ends meet while they’re married. Then, after they divorce, and establish two separate households, it dramatically increases their living expenses. This additional financial pressure often complicates spousal support negotiations, as both you and your ex-spouse will need to establish sustainable separate lives.
Second are the support guidelines themselves. While California provides a formula to calculate temporary spousal support, which is support paid while the divorce proceedings are ongoing, this amount doesn't automatically carry over to your final divorce settlement. You'll still need to negotiate a separate long-term support agreement.
And third is duration uncertainty. Since spousal support is based on the recipient's needs, which may change over time, agreeing on an appropriate duration requires you and your spouse to consider multiple factors. Some of which may not be obvious – or clear - at the time of your divorce.
Given these challenges, spousal support discussions are particularly well-suited to mediation. Since California law provides limited guidance on long-term support arrangements, couples benefit from working together with an experienced mediator to create a customized agreement.
Dividing Property
and Debts
In the United States, there are two methods used to divide property and debts in a divorce. Equitable distribution, which is defined as the fair, but not necessarily equal, division of couple's property and debts. And community property division, which is defined as sharing equally in a couple's (i.e. "the community") property and debts.
California is a community property state. So at first it may appear that all community assets and debts must be shared equally. But even though it is a community property state, you and your spouse may agree to something other than 50-50 provided you do so in writing. And mediation can help you do just that, as long as you and your spouse agree.
A mediator may also help you determine what assets belong to the community what assets are considered separate, and what assets are both, as is common with retirement accounts. Understanding what's subject to community property division and what is not, is critical to reaching agreement as separate property is deemed to belong to the titled spouse, unless otherwise transmuted.
And an experienced mediator will also be able to help you understand the tax implications of your property division as not all assets are treated equally in this department. Especially if you use a divorce mediator with a financial background. For example, receiving $10,000 in cash is far different than receiving $10,000 in stocks on which you may owe capital gains taxes.
Guide to Divorce Mediation in California
What's the difference between private mediation and mediation through the California courts?
Unlike other states which offer court-connected mediation programs to help couples resolve all issues related to their divorce, in California, "full cycle" mediation is only conducted privately. Couples will hire a mediator, typically before they file with the court, to help them negotiate and come to agreement on all issues surrounding their divorce.
In California, the only option to participate in court-ordered mediation is for child custody mediation. So if you and your spouse were to disagree on any financial matters such as child support, spousal support, or community property division, you'd be on your own to resolve the differences between you.
Or if you were unable – which is quite common – you would need to hire a private neutral third party mediator, or family law attorney, to help you reach an agreement. As you can see, there is a big difference in completeness between private mediation and court-connected mediation. Which is why couples who wish to mediate, do so privately.
Is divorce mediation required in California?
No. Divorce mediation is not required in California, although it is encouraged. California courts only offer child-custody mediation, so if you and your spouse wish to mediate all issue, you would do so privately. Of course, you are within your rights to each hire an attorney and litigate your divorce, but doing so, given the prevalence and effectiveness of mediation these days, is quite uncommon.appointed mediator may not have the experience to handle unique issues like yours. In that case, not only will you have wasted your time, but you and your spouse may find yourselves even farther from agreement.
Finally, private mediation is not mandated by a judge. The couple forgoes the attorney-driven path to divorce and instead chooses to mediate. So if you and your spouse both agree to use mediation, you’ll hire a private divorce mediator like us, typically before you file for divorce. We would then help you identify, discuss, negotiate and reach an amicable agreement through mediation on all of the required issues, confidentially and without the involvement of divorce lawyers (if you choose).
In our opinion, mediation is always better when conducted privately.
What is the California divorce mediation process?
Since no two mediators are alike, the actual mediation process will vary from mediator-to-mediator. But here’s a high-level overview of what happens throughout the divorce mediation process once you become our client:
To kick things off, your first mediation session will be a one-hour strategy session.
In this session, Joe (our mediator) will help you both prepare for mediation by:
- Developing a framework for your negotiations;
- Identifying key areas of concern you each have;
- Defining your goals for the divorce mediation process;
- Directing you to begin gathering important financial documents;
- And instructing you on how to work together to complete our proprietary forms and worksheets.
This part of the mediation process is intended to help you, and Joe to define what a successful mediation will look like and greatly increase the chances you will come to an agreement.
Once you’ve submitted to us the required pre-work and discovery items, the mediation process transitions to negotiations.
Joe will meet with you and your spouse online – using Zoom - and guide you through a series of conversations encompassing the issues that need to be settled for your divorce. Each session lasts approximately 2-hours, and the number and timing of sessions are determined by the two of you and Joe. Depending greatly on the details of your divorce, and the complexity of the issues you face.
If areas of disagreement arise in a mediation session, Joe will use his expertise in a variety of dispute resolution techniques to help you negotiate and reach agreement during the mediation on these topics.
Once agreement is reached for all required issues, Joe will then draft a complex written document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU), outlining all decisions made during your negotiations.
Upon completion of mediation, you will be encouraged to have your written agreement reviewed by your own respective lawyer, however it is your decision whether or not to do so.
Once you both agree the MOU looks good, you will then hire a filing professional who will assist with the paperwork preparation process. Your divorce papers may include, but are not limited to, the uncontested divorce filing, the divorce complaint, the marital settlement agreement, and budgets, along with a host of other related California court paperwork. It's important to note there are attorney and non-attorney filing professionals and it is your choice of which professional to have your divorce filed with the court with.
Upon receipt of the proper documentation and filing fees, your uncontested judgement of divorce will be granted by a judge typically in six to nine months as there is a six-month waiting period in California.
Do I also need a lawyer if I use a divorce mediator?
Some people choose to speak with a divorce lawyer throughout the mediation, or after mediation is completed. Especially if they want advice on family law matters as giving advice is not something a mediator is permitted to do - even if they are a lawyer. This is your divorce, so if you’d like to get a lawyer’s perspective on a particular issue(s), we would encourage you do so. However you are not required at any point in your divorce to work with, or speak to, an attorney if you so choose.
Do my spouse and I have to be in agreement on any or all issues before starting mediation?
No. You are not required to have everything decided before starting mediation. In fact, many divorcing couples specifically wait for the mediator to help them discuss and resolve the issues. This way, they can ensure all issues will be discussed thoroughly - in the proper order and given the time and attention they require.
Will mediation work in complex cases?
While we can’t speak for all California mediators, for us the answer is a resounding yes. Given our expertise working with employees or founders of equity backed startups, divorces after a long-term marriage, divorce with a business involved, and those involving high assets, complicated compensation, variable compensation and deferred compensation issues, and gray divorces, most cases we handle have a high degree of complexity.
Will mediation work in a high-conflict divorce?
It depends. While mediation allows divorcing couples to negotiate and come to an agreement they both find fair, communication difficulties which are typical of a high-conflict divorce, often prevent them from working directly with each other - which is a key requirement in mediation. If they're willing to work with our divorce coach Cheryl and put their emotions aside, then yes, they can mediate. Otherwise divorce mediation is not recommended.
How is working with a mediator different than collaborative divorce?
While both the divorce mediation and collaborative divorce process choose to focus on keeping a couple out of court, there are a significant number of ways in which they are different. That's why we wrote this article about mediation vs the collaborative process to help you understand the differences between the two divorce options, and the advantages we believe mediation provides.
What’s the difference between a California divorce mediator and a divorce mediation attorney?
Mediators come from a variety of different backgrounds. Some are attorneys, some are mental health professionals. While others, like Joe, have a financial background. Regardless of their backgrounds, an experienced mediator should be able to address all issues a couple faces. However in our opinion, since 3 of the 4 issues in a divorce are financial in nature, we believe it's best to choose a mediator with a strong financial acumen.
Can a mediators give me legal advice or tell me what to do?
No. A mediator cannot give you legal advice - even if they are an attorney-mediator. In their role as a neutral third party, they must not provide legal advice. If you do want or need advice a mediator may recommend you speak to a lawyer but the decision to do so is entirely up to you.
Read our helpful article to learn more about the differences between mediators and lawyers for divorce.
What is the cost of divorce mediation in California?
When exploring divorce mediation costs, many people initially focus on hourly rates or flat fees. However, the total expense involves much more than the mediator's upfront charges.
The Experience of Your Mediator
An experienced mediator does more than simply facilitate current discussions. They strategically help you and your spouse address both present and potential future issues, creating a comprehensive agreement that can prevent costly complications down the line.
Consider this: resolving a missed issue or modifying a divorce decree after the fact can cost between $10,000 and $20,000. Ex-spouses are typically less cooperative after divorce, making post-divorce negotiations significantly more challenging and expensive. A thorough agreement developed during mediation is an investment in cost avoidance.
Services Included in Mediation
Not all mediation services are created equal. Some mediators offer comprehensive support that can ultimately save you money, including:
- Emotional support and divorce coaching
- Drafting detailed, easily understood written agreements
- Comprehensive issue resolution that minimizes the need for future legal interventions
- Flexibility regarding attorney involvement
While an inexperienced mediator might offer a lower initial fee, the long-term costs can be substantial. You might end up spending an additional $3,500 to $5,000 having agreements re-drafted by attorneys, or $10,000 to $20,000 resolving unforeseen issues.
Understanding the Total Cost
Divorce mediation in California typically ranges from $6,000 to $10,000. This includes the mediator's fee, filing professional's fee, and court fees. However, the true cost depends on multiple factors: the comprehensiveness of services, the mediator's experience, and the potential for future legal interventions. When choosing a mediator, consider the value of a thorough, forward-thinking approach that can save you time, money, and stress in the long run.
To learn more, read: The Real Truth Behind Divorce Mediation Costs
Is mediation cheaper than divorce litigation?
Absolutely. The average cost of mediation is between $6,000 and $10,000. Whereas with divorce litigation, according to an article published in the Motley Fool, will cost couples on average $46,600 - but with one important caveat. If the issues to be litigated include alimony or child support, that amount can skyrocket. With average costs of a litigated divorce exceeding $100,000.
How long does a divorce in California take using mediation?
While the length of the process varies by couple and the complexities of their case and interpersonal dynamics, generally speaking, mediation with us can be completed in 8-12 weeks. That includes time for you to complete financial discovery, meet with the mediator for typically 2 to 4 mediation sessions, give the mediator time to draft your written agreement (MOU), and for you to have time to review it and provide feedback. Once mediation is completed, you will then enter the filing phase to complete your divorce with the California courts. It is here where the process slows down as there is a 6-month waiting period in California, so your divorce will not be final until that waiting period has passed, and your divorce has been ordered by the courts.
When is mediation recommended in a California divorce?
The mediation process is known to be a viable option for you and your spouse if:
- There is a degree of mutual respect between you and your spouse and you are both willing to actively participate - this is because mediation is a voluntary process;
- You and your spouse are both willing to engage in an honest, transparent and “good faith” negotiation including full financial disclosure;
- You want an experienced professional mediator to help you identify, discuss and negotiate the required issues, but you want to make your own decisions, retain full control over your divorce agreement, and avoid litigation and/or attorney involvement.
When is mediation not recommended?
In order for it to work, mediation depends on three things. The first is full disclosure. Because mediation is what's known as a "good faith negotiation" it requires that both spouses provide any and all financial documentation asked for by the mediator, or the other spouse, and truthfully answer any questions asked of them.
Second is mental acuity. Because you and your spouse will be making your own decisions, you must both be of "sound mind" and be able to understand complex concepts.
Finally, there can be no restraining order in effect. Because a mediator will typically speak with both spouses simultaneously, they must both be able to interact with each, and there can be no legal order preventing them from doing so. If you and your spouse do not meet these requirements, mediation will not work for your divorce case.
In California, do the parties have to go to court to get a divorce?
No. There is no requirement that the parties go to family court in California order to get a divorce provided the proper information is exchanged between the parties, all issues and disputes are resolved and agreed upon, and the proper paperwork such as your Marital Settlement Agreement and divorce petition is drafted and filed with family court services.
What are the residency requirements in a divorce in California?
You must be a resident of the state for six (6) months, and the county you wish to file in for three (3). If you’ve recently moved, and don’t yet meet the California residency requirements, you can always begin the mediation process, work through the issues with the guidance of your mediator, and then file your divorce or legal separation. In our experience, parties can come to resolution on all issues, and have a settlement agreement in hand, within four to six months. Thus allowing time to pass, and moving the parties closer to meeting the residency requirements.
What's the difference between family law mediation and divorce mediation in California?
While the terms can sometimes be used interchangeably, “family law mediation” is the broader of the two. For example, family law mediation may be used to help non-married California parents make decisions on, and resolve issues of child custody. In this case, since they were never married, there would be no “divorce” in the mediation process. While any topic involving the family may be brought to resolution using a mediator, could fall under its umbrella, divorce mediation refers to a specific alternative dispute resolution process focused on ending the parties’ marriage.
Can I still mediate if domestic violence is an issue?
If you and your spouse are not permitted to be in the same room with each other, but are permitted telephone contact with each other, then our online mediation process may be an option if there is domestic violence or a power imbalance in your relationship.