If I asked you, “What is child support?” what would you say?
Something like, “It’s when one parent gives the other parent money for the kids after they’re divorced?”
And if I followed up by asking, “What is child support used for?” would you say, “Um… their expenses?”
Even though child support impacts more than 60% of all divorces in the United States, there so much confusion around the subject.
If you have children, it's crucial that child support be addressed carefully and thoroughly at the time of your divorce, because it can have a significant impact on their lives now and for many years to come.
In my experience, learning the basics of issues that pertain to an individual’s divorce before starting the process can help them better work with their spouse (and chosen divorce professional) to resolve them.
So, in this post, you’ll learn the fundamentals of child support, some options for negotiating it, and what you can do to prevent your children from becoming economic victims of your divorce.
Let's dive in!
Simply stated, child support is financial support both parents provide to their children post-divorce, for the children’s expenses.
Unlike alimony, which is financial support provided by one ex-spouse to the other, for the recipient adult’s expenses.
"What's in and what's out of child support" varies based on the state you live in. But in my experience, there are 4 types of expenses parents encounter when raising kids:
How you negotiate and come to an agreement on each type of expense – and how long you’re expected to pay them – can vary from state-to-state and divorcing couple to divorcing couple.
There’s a common misconception that only one parent pays child support.
Since one parent writes a check, it may seem like there is only one paying parent.
But that check is only meant to cover a portion of the child or children’s ordinary expenses. The recipient parent is also expected to contribute a portion of those expenses.
The three other types of expenses are typically negotiated separately and are also shared by the parties.
So, the reality is both parents pay child support!
When child support ends varies from state to state and couple to couple (based on something negotiated.)
But generally speaking:
There are two ways child support (and all other divorce-related issues) can be resolved: you and your spouse can negotiate, or a family law court will decide for you.
When it comes to child support, every couple's situation and determining factors are unique. Unfortunately, when the court dictates a child support order, you never know how they will decide it.
So, you could wind up with an outcome you don't think is fair or that doesn't meet your children’s financial needs.
It’s common (and normal) for divorcing spouses to have different points of view on child custody, alimony, division of property, and/or child support. But even if you have disagreements, it doesn’t mean you have to go in front of a judge to get those issues resolved.
Not all divorces have to go to family court.
In fact, resolving disputes out of court saves you a lot of money and time.
It can also help you avoid or lessen a lot of the negative emotional impact that contested divorce cases can have on you and your kids.
“Most parents think child support calculators output a specific dollar amount and that’s that. So, you may think determining it will be easy because you found an online child support calculator.
But the reality is these guidelines are a starting point for negotiations. Because more often, couples negotiate their own agreement tailored to their kids’ unique situations and circumstances.
Not only that but there are a number of other expenses not covered by the basic support amount.
Figuring out who pays for what, who approves which expenses, and what contribution is required from each parent can be tricky.
But you will more likely come to a child support agreement that’s acceptable to both of you and ensures the financial needs of your children will be met if you negotiate out of court with the help of a skilled professional and use an alternative dispute resolution process like divorce mediation or collaborative law.
- Divorce Mediator Joe Dillon
In the United States, there are three ways guideline child support is calculated.
They are:
Which method you use depends on the state in which you live.
Let’s take a high-level look at each of the three models to understand how they work.
The Melson Formula is a more complex version of the income shares model except this model tries to ensure that each parent's basic needs are met, in addition to the children.
It’s far too complex to try and explain in a blog post, and since only 3 states currently use it, I’m not going to cover it in this post.
Pros:
Cons:
There is one other approach I’ve sometimes seen parents use and that’s budget-based.
In these cases, parents put together a budget of the children’s ordinary expenses and use that as a basis for determining a child support amount.
While this is technically possible, there are several things you need to be aware of when going this route:
As you previously learned, there are three other types of child support expenses.
And while some guidelines do allow limited inclusion of certain types of expenses, in my experience, parents usually choose to negotiate them directly.
For this to work, you need to discuss and come to an agreement on three things:
It’s a good idea at the time of your divorce to decide what items you are both willing to share in moving forward.
Private school is a good example of this.
Some parents I’ve worked with want their kids to go to a private school as they get older. While others feel that public school is just fine.
Of course, there will be expenses that neither of you saw coming so you’ll want to agree on a framework for future discussions when these types of expenses crop up.
A good example of this is a sports camp.
Your 2-year-old might not know a basketball from a basketweave. But 14 years from now, they may be the next WNBA/NBA all-star and want to get some specialized training.
Let’s say you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse have agreed on what’s in and what’s out of your child expense-sharing agreement. And how you’ll handle future expenses when they crop up.
Now, you need to decide what each of your shares of those expenses is going to be.
Your choices are:
Which option you choose will depend on a variety of tangible and intangible factors including, but not limited to, your income, how amicable your divorce is, and if you agree on what types of activities you’ll contribute to.
But before you decide which one you think is right for you, let’s look at the pros and cons of each:
Share Equally
Pro: It’s simple to determine each party’s share.
Con: This can lead to conflict if one parent can’t come up with their half.
Share in Proportion to Income
Pro: Each party pays a share based on what they earn.
Con: Shares need to be continually calculated based on then-current incomes.
Share in a Fixed Percentage
Pro: You each know your share.
Con: Your incomes could change and along with it, your original ratio.
Assign Expenses to Each Party
Pro: Can reduce tension while allowing parents to each support activities they believe are worthwhile.
Con: Children’s interests frequently change, leading to the possibility one parent may be solely responsible for all extraordinary expenses.
To say child support is a complicated issue would be an understatement!
And there’s far more to child support than running a guideline formula, printing out a child support worksheet, and calling it a day.
That’s because it’s not a one-size-fits-all subject - every couple’s children, circumstances, and situational complexities are unique.
That doesn’t mean you have to struggle to try to resolve your child support case on your own. In fact, for most divorcing parents, this topic is much too complex to resolve without professional help.
Hopefully, after reading this post, you have a better understanding of this confusing issue and feel better prepared to work with your spouse (and your chosen divorce professional) – to negotiate a mutually agreeable out of court child support arrangement that puts your kids first and ensures they grow up happy, healthy, and financially supported.
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