True or false?
The average cost of divorce mediation is determined solely by the mediator’s hourly rate?
Survey says…
False!
It might be hard to believe, but the hourly rate of the mediator only has some (but not much) bearing on what your divorce mediation cost will ultimately be.
So if it’s not only the hourly rate of the mediator, what other factors should a divorcing couple be concerned about?
In addition to the mediator's hourly rate, there are at least three other factors that contribute to how much your divorce mediation will cost you.
They are:
Let's take a closer look at each of these factors and how each contributes to average divorce mediation cost.
Divorce mediation is an unregulated profession in the United States. That means anyone can call themselves a mediator.
But just because someone calls themself a mediator doesn't mean they're competent or qualified to do so.
Even with training, there's no guarantee someone will have the experience needed to mediate your case successfully. There are hundreds of training classes being offered for this type of alternative dispute resolution in The United States. So think about how many hundreds of new mediators are being churned out every month.
The market is flooded with inexperienced divorce mediators!
There are four characteristics an experienced and competent mediator must possess:
You'll rarely find expert mediators like us who practice divorce mediation full-time and possess all of the skills described above. It's more likely you'll come across mental health professionals and divorce lawyers claiming to be divorce mediators.
But when you take a closer look at what it takes to be a competent mediator for divorce, you'll see things don't quite add up.
Finally, given they're seeing patients all day and their requirements for continuing education in their primary profession are quite extensive, they're not likely to be spending much time staying on top of recent changes in divorce or mediation which, unlike other professions, occur often!
And while they may have a command of divorce and family law, they too fall short in two of the four competency areas. The biggest being neutrality.
Yet the ability to remain a neutral third party (and not give legal advice) is the number one requirement of being a competent mediator.
When it comes to creating options and guiding parties towards settlement, they're usually in the "tell, don't ask" camp. That's a big problem since a cornerstone of divorce and family mediation is enabling the parties to control the terms of their settlement, not dispensing legal advice or telling them what to do.
Finally, we all know lawyers are great with words.
But they aren't good with numbers.
Ever wonder why a divorce lawyer brings in CPA's, financial advisors, and divorce financial analysts (at an extra cost to their clients) to a divorce mediation session to help resolve a case?
The bottom line is neither mental health mediators nor lawyer-mediators are good options if you want an experienced, competent, and highly skilled mediator for divorce.
The hidden surprises that may crop up down the road coupled with the mistakes that can be made in your agreement will wind up costing you dearly if you’re not careful.
What if an incompetent mediator lets you and your spouse agree to something improper or is unfair to one of you?
Or what if the mediator wasn't neutral or told you what to do and you're just not comfortable with the terms of your agreement? You'd need to start over and pay another mediator to try to fix the mess the first mediator made. Or worse, you'd find yourself in a litigated divorce in court unable to resolve the issues required for divorce and having to pay tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees in addition to what you already paid for your unsuccessful failed mediation.
On the other hand, an experienced and highly skilled divorce mediator will expertly guide you and your spouse through your negotiations and ultimately to a settlement agreement both parties find fair while remaining neutral at all times. No messes to fix or extra costs to pay because your mediation will have been successful and your divorce case handled properly the first time around.
Just as mediators come from different backgrounds, the services a particular mediator provides can vary wildly. The scope of the services provided by the mediator is another factor that determines how much does a divorce mediation cost.
Fail to manage them constructively and there’s a good chance you'll find yourself in court.
Spending hundreds of thousands of dollars and wasting years of your life while you, your spouse and your lawyers battle it out in traditional divorce litigation.
But if you find divorce mediators who are skilled in managing divorce emotions and also have a divorce coach available to you throughout the mediation process, it will provide you with the emotional support you need to make the negotiation phase of mediation more productive and improve your settlement outcome.
But a mediator that offers a comprehensive private mediation service will:
Working with an expert mediator will eliminate the need for you and your spouse to return to mediation (or worse yet, court) years after your divorce to discuss something that wasn't covered at the time of your divorce and pay extra fees.
You would then need to pay a drafting attorney an additional few thousand dollars to re-write your agreement so its intentions are clear.
But if you hire the right mediator and that mediator is highly skilled, he'll draft a comprehensive document called a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) which outlines in great detail all agreements made during your mediation work.
This way you and your spouse know exactly what you both agreed to, and have a plan to follow when a specific situation that was discussed in a mediation session arises in the future.
Everything a mediator can do "in-house" at the time of your mediation and includes in the cost of mediation services saves you and your spouse money, time, and stress.
Now and in the future.
The divorce process is very complicated, requires a lot of paperwork, and has a lot of moving parts. Not only that but there will be hundreds of life-changing decisions you and your spouse will need to make.
You'll want to be sure that all of the steps required are covered and carried out in a timely and efficient manner. And completed correctly and in the right order. Think about it this way:
What do you think would happen if you built a house without first pouring a strong foundation? Or you left out some parts like structural support beams to save on cost? The roof and walls would have no support and the house would surely come crumbling down! It would cost you a lot more time and money to knock down and re-build than if you just built the house properly the first time.
A thorough divorce mediation process can go a long way towards making sure all issues are covered properly and in the right order so both divorcing spouses can complete mediation in a timely, productive, and cost-effective fashion.
Some mediators employ very little, if any, process.
They may give you a high-level list of documents to gather or worksheets to fill out and tell you to come back when you’re done. But they won't tell you where to find these documents or how to complete the worksheets. They may ask you to prepare a budget. Or to do an accounting of your marital assets and liabilities. But again, offer no guidance on what they mean or how to do this.
Some mediators may give you a list of documents to gather and bring to your sessions. They then have you fill out forms and worksheets in session so they can rack up billable hours. Or, they may simply start meeting with you and your spouse without a clear agenda outlining what topics need to be covered in a particular mediation session. Your mediation will take much longer than is necessary and you will have wasted time and incurred additional costs because the mediator didn't give you the instruction and guidance you needed to have a productive outcome.
On the other hand, working with a mediator who has a thorough process can:
Making your divorce mediation cost-effective, efficient, and productive.
So if you want to fully understand what your divorce mediation costs will ultimately be, you also need to factor in:
Before you hire a mediator for your uncontested divorce based solely on their hourly rate or the low fee they might have quoted you over the phone, do your research and make sure you're comparing "apples to apples."
Hire a mediator who is experienced, highly skilled, provides a comprehensive service and has a thorough process.
That's the only way to ultimately ensure your divorce mediation will be as cost-effective as possible.
Other Useful Resources: